Showing posts with label Emmanuel Lubeski. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emmanuel Lubeski. Show all posts

Friday, February 28, 2014

Oscar Preview 2014: What Can Keep Gravity Down?


Need far too many words about and picks for every category at this year's Oscars? Need to know if Gravity is indeed an undeniable force? (sorry, had to.) Then read on...

Visual Effects
So I’ll kick this thing off with my little spiel on Gravity:

Gravity is a great film. Original, suspenseful, breathtaking, and masterfully made, but will all the hype and accolades given to it this year seem utterly ridiculous 50 years from now? I think they will. Because if there was ever a movie that’s not going to age well it’s a movie that’s almost entirely a special effects showpiece. Now I know there was a great suspenseful narrative and a wonderful performance by Sandra Bullock at the heart of the film, but ultimately none of that matters if the movie doesn’t create a stunningly realistic you-are-really-there vision of outer space. And with technology becoming outdated at record speeds I seriously doubt that even 20 years from now the outer space of Gravity will look anything other than cheesy and fake. This is why making “NEW” the main selling point of anything is both a blessing and a curse. But I guess with Gravity we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now the Academy can already start engraving this statue.

Will Win: Gravity
Should Win: Gravity

Sound Mixing
Sound Editing
Are they two technical awards that seem basically interchangeable and that 98% of the voters have no real way to objectively quantify or judge? Then give them to Gravity!

Will Win: Gravity!
Should Win: Gravity?

Live Action Short
I haven’t seen any of these but by all accounts Just Before Losing Everything is supposed to be the best of the bunch. But its also the longest and subtitled. Everyone seems to be picking The Voorman Problem instead because its in English and stars Martin Freeman, the only recognizable name/face in the category. I’m gonna go the other way and predict that the people willing to vote for this category are too old to care who Martin Freeman is and have penty of time to sit through and soak in the only 30-minute-long Just Before Losing Everything.

Will Win: Just Before Losing Everything
Should Win: Who knows

Animated Short
I actually have a strong and educated opinion on this! I didn’t see all of the nominees like I often do, but I did see Get a Horse! and there's no way it’s losing. It’s a tribute to old Hollywood (check) and the magic and craft of movie making (check) but it uses new technology and new techniques to feel inventive and original (check). It’s the first animated Disney film to ever be directed by a woman (check), it’s produced by modern animation god John Lasseter (check), has the power of the Disney machine behind it (check), and features a voice performance by freaking Walt Disney himself (all of the checks). This is a lock.

Will Win: Get a Horse!
Should Win: Get a Horse!

Documentary Short
The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life is about a 109-year-old piano-playing Holocaust survivor (who died during the final week of Oscar voting!). So thanks for coming all other nominees, but you’re no longer needed because The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life is about a 109-YEAR-OLD PIANO-PLAYING HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR (WHO DIED DURING THE FINAL WEEK OF OSCAR VOTING)

Will Win: THE 109-YEAR-OLD PIANO-PLAYING HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR
Should Win: THE 109-YEAR-OLD PIANO-PLAYING HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR

Production Design
They should just rename this award the Baz Luhrmann Award. (By which I really mean the Catherine Martin Award. But whatever.)

In related news, congrats to Wes Anderson for winning next year’s Baz Luhrmann/Catherine Martin Award for his work on The Grand Budapest Hotel!

Will Win: The Great Gatsby
Should Win: The Great Gatsby

Costume Design
When in doubt with this category ask yourself, did any of the nominees this year inspire their own collection at Brooks Brothers or Tiffanys? If still in doubt, ask yourself, did any of the nominees involve lavish period party scenes with thousands of costumed extras? And if still in doubt, ask yourself did any of the nominees contain a memorable scene where Leonardo DiCaprio literally threw costumes directly into the camera? If the answer to all of these is yes then you have your winner.

Will Win: The Great Gatsby
Should Win: The Great Gatsby

Original Song
It seems weird that the Year of Pharrell isn’t going to capped by an Oscar win for Pharrell, but unfortunately it seems that nothing is going to stand in the way of Robert Lopez EGOTing for “Let It Go”. Now considering Robert Lopez’s Emmy is only a Daytime Emmy I don’t think it should count as a true EGOT. And also, since this category doesn’t contain Lana Del Rey’s “Young and Beautiful” its results shouldn’t count anyway. But whatever. I expected a bit more from the composer of Avenue Q and Book of Mormon than “Let It Go”, but it’s gonna be a Broadway staple from now until the sun explodes so I guess it winning here is fine. But seriously, go listen to “Young and Beautiful” again. It will make you feel all of the feelings. The ones that “Let It Go” is only playing at.

Will Win: “Let It Go”
Should Win: “Happy” (but also “Young and Beautiful”)

Original Score
Considering how little dialogue there actually was in Gravity it relied on its score far more than any of the other nominated movies. And since none of these scores were particularly memorable on their own, voters will just think back to which one they remembered being most impactful on its film. And Gravity’s certainly was the most obvious in that regard. But it also felt like it could have been made by pretty much anyone and plugged into pretty much any epic high-class adventure movie. 

Win Butler’s score for Her though could have only been made by members of Arcade Fire and only been used for Her. It helped vividly create the world in which Her takes place, filling in what the production design and costumes couldn’t. It created a mood, yet felt unobtrusive while doing it. That sort of work doesn’t generally win awards, but it should. Plus how cool would it be to add Arcade Fire (or basically Arcade Fire) to the list of unexpected music branch Oscar winners alongside Eminem, Three 6 Mafia and Trent Reznor? To answer my own question, it would be awesome.

Will Win: Gravity
Should Win: Her

Makeup
Please let it be Jackass. Please let it be Jackass. Please let an actual human being say the sentence “And the Oscar goes to Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa”. Oh please sweet lord in heaven let it be Jackass.

(Spoiler alert: It won’t be Jackass)

Will Win: Dallas Buyers Club
Should Win: Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

Film Editing
Uhhhhhh…..

I have no idea.

And when in doubt this year go with Gravity.

Will Win: Gravity
Should Win: Gravity I guess

Cinematography
Lubezki!

Finally, a chance to make up for one of the all time Oscar travesties: Emmanuel Lubezki not winning for Children of Men. Or for Tree of Life. Or for anything he’s ever done. But there’s a zero percent chance that doesn’t get remedied this year.

You’re up next Roger Deakins

(Fun fact: Did you know that Emmanuel Lubezki also shot Reality Bites???)
(Fun fact II: Did you know that I have friends?)

Will Win: Gravity
Should Win: Gravity

Documentary Feature
This is a tough one. I haven’t actually seen any of these, but feel like I know enough about them to make a pretty informed guess.

This category has really changed since the old days when the winner used to always be the most depressing talking head documentary they could find. In recent years populist and relatively uplifting films like Searching for Sugarman, Undefeated, Man on Wire and March of the Penguins have all won. Which would seem to point to 20 Feet From Stardom winning this year. But it seems like Act of Killing has been seen by just as many, if not more people, it’s supposed to be undeniably powerful, and despite the changing nature of the category I still say genocide tops underappreciated backup singers. But I could easily be wrong.

Will Win: Act of Killing
Should Win: Act of Killing

Animated Film
I haven’t seen any of these because I’m strictly ride or die Team Pixar but Frozen is made by Disney (which is Pixar-adjacent), is pulling in Titanic money and good reviews, and has what seems like particularly weak competition. So congrats to Frozen for coming out the year before The Lego Movie is eligible to win all of the awards ever.

Will Win: Frozen
Should Win: Frozen

Foreign Language Film
I find it hard to believe that these were truly the five best foreign language films released last year as none of these had anything even remotely approaching a wide release. But then there’s a long and storied history of this category making no sense so this year is really just par for the course.

While most Oscar prognosticators are saying that The Hunt is coming on strong I’m going to stick with the only nominee that I remember playing at multiple theaters around Los Angeles in the past few months: The Great Beauty.

Will Win: The Great Beauty
Should Win: wish I knew

Adapted Screenplay
It's absurd that Before Midnight is up for adapted screenplay. The reason given for the classification is that it's based on existing characters, but by that logic every screenplay to a sequel should be an adapted screenplay. Which would be idiotic. But whatever.

Before Midnight is in the running for my all-time favorite film and that's largely on the strength of its screenplay. The magic of the Before movies is that watching them is like being able to eavesdrop on the greatest conversations of all time. The dialogue is what we wish we could all sound like when we talk. But it has an ease and naturalness to it that barely makes it seem like dialogue at all. It's the platonic ideal of a screenplay. But it has no shot here. Because 12 Years a Slave feels too important not to give it to. Which I'm fine with. It's a worthy winner. But in another world, in another life, Before Midnight winning sure would be nice.

Will Win: 12 Years a Slave
Should Win: Before Midnight

Original Screenplay
Woody Allen is Woody Allen and if there’s ever a year Woody Allen isn’t winning an Oscar it’s this one. Dallas Buyers Club is already likely winning three other awards so voters will feel like it’s been honored enough. So that leaves three Best Picture nominees who likely aren’t going to win anything else. So which one does the Academy want to throw a bone to? Well you can never count Alexander Payne out of a screenplay race, only Nebraska wasn’t written by Alexander Payne, it was written by Bob Nelson, and no one knows who Bob Nelson is (and having the worlds most generic name probably isn’t helping with that). So that leaves David O. Russell for American Hustle (can some rapper please use the line “I’m an American hustle like David O. Russell”?) or Spike Jonze for Her.

American Hustle at one point seemed like the Best Picture front-runner but has since faded in a huge way. Still, with all those nominations it seems crazy that it will leave empty-handed. But is screenplay really the place to honor it? Most of the complaints about the movie (including mine) are that it seemed like a bunch of great performances in search of a story. Seriously, I doubt even David O. Russell himself could neatly and accurately summarize the plot of the movie. He’s even basically admitted that he really only cared about character, not story, which can be fine, but in this case it let to a movie that felt like an unorganized mess. It was series of engaging scenes and then it was over, having said nothing and making no emotional impact. 

Her on the other hand, was bursting with thoughts and ideas and feelings. It spoke to who we are, how we live, and where we might be headed. It was universal and deeply personal. It was one of the best films of the past 10 years largely because it was so masterfully constructed. And it felt thrilling original. Which is after all one of the key words in the title of this category. So while it seems improbable that the out-of-touch old men who make up the bulk of the Academy membership and probably don't even own cell phones would give an award to Her, I really think Spike Jonze takes this one. A boy can hope anyway.

Will Win: Her
Should Win: Her

Supporting Actress
This is clearly a two woman race and if Jennifer Lawrence hadn’t just won last year she would take it easily. But she DID just win last year. And since this award could easily, most years, be re-titled “Hottest Newcomer” instead of “Best Supporting Actress” a previous win would seem to disqualify her. But she’s so good in American Hustle and she’s America’s reigning sweetheart (and our future supreme ruler) that you can’t count her out. Lupita Nyong’o though seems to have all the momentum now. She’s the hip choice, has run a great campaign, given great speeches, won most of the precursor awards, and oh yeah, gave the better performance. Oscars have been won for far less than her soap scene alone in 12 Years a Slave, and she had many more scenes of equal difficulty and power. So while the margin is going to be razor thin, Lupita is going to take this round. But don’t cry for Jennifer Lawrence; all she has left is everything else in the world.

Will Win: Lupita Nyong’o
Should Win: Lupita Nyong’o

Supporting Actor
If you want to see how far we haven’t come in this country in our attitudes towards the gay community look no further than the response to Jared Leto’s performance in Dallas Buyers Club. The word thrown around most often about it is “brave”? But why is it “brave”? Because he’s playing a transgender person? Explain to me what’s “brave” about that. Because I didn’t realize that portraying someone different than yourself was considered “brave”; I thought it was just called doing your job as an actor. I mean isn’t that literally the dictionary definition of acting? Now this is certainly a very reductive way to view these roles, but if we’re going to base our awards voting on which performance is the most “brave” isn’t taking pleasure out of whipping black women while yelling the N-word at them much more emotionally difficult and uncomfortable in 2013 than putting on a dress and pretending to be attracted to men? Based on the overwhelming support for Jared Leto it would appear not. His performance is humane and touching, but it’s nowhere near the level of Michael Fassbender’s work. It seems for most voters though, that it’s not about the work itself. It’s about rewarding Jared Leto for his “courage” in taking on the part. As a voter told Entertainment Weekly about why he was voting for Jared Leto, “it’s a very risky performance that you could easily be ostracized for.” So you could be ostracized for playing a transgender person but not for playing a sociopathic racist? That says so much about Hollywood and America and the Academy. And it makes me sad that we’re not further along as a culture, and that Michael Fassbender is going to get reverse-Brokebacked, but mostly that “Academy Award Winner Jared Leto” is now a thing that is going to be true.

Will Win: Jared Leto
Should Win: Michael Fassbender

Actress
Cate Blanchett is winning this more than anyone has ever won anything. Which is really saying something since this is a very good group of nominees. When Meryl Streep is the weakest of the bunch you know you’ve got a solid category. But Cate Blanchett is blowing them all off the map so it hardly seems worth discussing. So instead let’s talk about Amy Adams.

Were you aware that Amy Adams is slowly becoming one of the most critically acclaimed actresses of all time? It’s true. Here’s the compete list of actresses with more Oscar nominations than Amy Adams by the time they turned 40: Kate Winslet, Deborah Kerr, Norma Shearer, Bette Davis, and Meryl Streep. That’s it. Maybe not strictly a murderers row, but still, surprised Amy Adams is in such elite company aren’t you? But you shouldn’t be because Amy Adams has become a shockingly reliable signifier of quality. She’s quietly become the queen of the indie prestige project. Need proof? Leaving out Man of Steel here are the directors of her last four films: David O. Russell, Spike Jonze, Clint Eastwood, and Paul Thomas Anderson. Now that IS a murderers row. Is Amy Adams, the princess from Enchanted (a role for which I still maintain she should have been Oscar nominated), really the new Kate Winslet? Or even the new Meryl Streep? It’s not as crazy as it sounds. And American Hustle is her finest work yet. She’s an absolute revelation in it. And in any other year she takes home the statue. No one is beating Cate Blanchett this year, but don’t worry, if we’ve learned anything about Amy Adams, it’s that she’ll be back.

Will Win: Cate Blanchett
Should Win: Cate Blanchett

Actor
Matthew McConaughey is this year’s Ben Affleck. He's going to win for turning his career around as much as for the work itself. And in that sense True Detective is the anti-Norbit. Seeing constant ads for the show are a great reminder of just how complete his career transformation has been. And speaking of transformations, the only thing Oscar voters love more than redemption narratives are physical transformations for roles. So although it seems weird that in one of the best years ever for actors the Oscar is going to go to Matthew McConaughey, that’s almost certainly what’s about to happen. And that’s a shame. Because while it’s a great performance and a worthy winner, there are two performances I like even better.

Chiwetel Ejiofor is the heart and soul of 12 Years a Slave (and has one of the only names harder to spell than McConaughey). Giving a great performance as the lead of the Best Picture frontrunner is usually enough to win an Oscar. But despite all his suffering and gnashing of teeth, the bulk of his performance is actually, due to the nature of the part, very internal. For me the nuance and subtext of the performance are what make so great, but that non-bombastic nature in addition to Chiwetel being a virtual unknown prior to this year is probably going to keep him from winning a brutally tough category.

On the opposite end of the bombastic spectrum is my pick, if I had one, Leonardo DiCaprio. For years I’ve found Leo to be somewhat stiff and unbelievable, so it makes sense that his two best performances would be Django Unchained and The Wolf of Wall Street, two movies where he didn’t concern himself with naturalism or seriousness. By embracing his inner comedic character actor he paradoxically finally comes off as comfortable in his own skin. It’s like he finally realized that he’s always been miscast as himself. He works much better when he’s someone else. And there was no more extreme someone else to be in film last year than Jordan Belfort. And Leo wrings every bit out of the part that he can. The speeches, the boat confrontation with Kyle Chandler, the final fight with Margot Robbie – it’s just three straight hours of Oscar-worthy scenes. The Quaaludes scene alone should have won him an Oscar and was the best ten minutes of any movie released in 2013. It should be shown to aspiring physical comedians everywhere. Leonardo DiCaprio is the new Jim Carrey; who knew? Ultimately though Leo is getting shafted here because the character was so unlikable and because large numbers of voters had issues with the film. But Leo will never be better, Jordan Belfort is going to go down as his most iconic non-Titanic role, and 10 years from now it’s going to look criminal and inexplicable that he didn’t win the Oscar for it. There continues to be no justice with regards to Jordan Belfort, only this time in an entirely different way.

Will Win: Matthew McConaughey
Should Win: Leonardo DiCaprio

Director
I think 12 Years a Slave is by far the best picture. And Steve McQueen is huge reason why. I don’t think another person alive could have taken the same material as made it as powerful and memorable. But considering Ang Lee won this award last year for Life of Pi it’s clear that this award often means MOST direction. And I’m fine with that. If you spend years of your life trying to realize a singular and seemingly impossible vision and finally pull it off brilliantly while pushing the entire art form forward in the process you deserve an Oscar for your efforts. So this is a really close call for me. But I thought James Cameron should have won for Avatar, and for the same reasons I think Alfonso Cuaron should take it this year. Which is what he’s going to do whether I want him to or not.

Will Win: Alfonso Cuaron
Should Win: Alfonso Cuaron

Picture
This is at this point a two picture race. So let's just focus on those two:

Gravity is a thoroughly original and entertaining movie. It’s a technical marvel and visually unlike anything that has come before.

12 Years a Slave is the new Schindlers List. It’s going to be taught in schools. Seeing it changed how I view the world.

As I’ve said countless times over the years, The Oscars matter because they are a historical document. A record of what mattered. An imperfect, flawed, often egregiously wrong record, but the one record that we know will still be around and still be referenced in 100 years. In 200 years. In 1,000 years. And what do we want on that record as the best film of 2013? Something that will soon look like a primitively shot space epic with a rail thin plot, or the most well-crafted and accurate look yet at one of humanity’s most important and painful chapters?

In Entertainment Weekly’s Oscar preview they stated “In short, 12 Years is heartbreaking; Gravity is groundbreaking”. I agree. And only one of those qualities is one that lasts.

Will Win: 12 Years A Slave
Should Win: 12 Years A Slave

Monday, February 27, 2012

Oscars 2012: Twitter Christmas

Ironic that the best thing about the most backwards looking and feeling Oscars of my lifetime was social media. Rather than having to sit and stew over an event I look forward to more than any other being almost completely laugh and excitement free I was able to turn instead to the venting hordes on the Internet for my amusement. And amuse they did. The Oscars have turned into twitter Christmas at this point with everyone bringing their absolute best jokes to save what's increasingly and worryingly looking like an event that has completely lost its way. But because of the quality of the competition, to tweet during the Oscars is to wade into an almost unwinnable war. Only the very best survive. The rest go here to this blog post to die.

This is my tweet-style recap of the thoughts I had during the telecast.

Enjoy!

*First off, let me say that I was really excited about Billy Crystal coming back to host. After years of pandering and gimmicks to try and get younger viewers who they shouldn't be so concerned about anyway, I thought Billy Crystal would get the Oscars back to being The Oscars. Well, be careful what you wish for. Because Billy Crystal did get the Oscars back to being the Oscars...from 15 years ago. Which is what I thought I wanted in theory, but I now realize I definitely dont want in practice. There's apparently a much finer line between pandering to the kids and staying relevant than I realized. Which means I really don't know where the Oscars go from here. It's troubling, but it's an issue for another day. For now, combining the best of twitter and the worst of Billy Crystal, I made a bunch of obvious hacky jokes about his hosting job over the course of the night and then just copied and pasted them here without any real thought or revision. Seemed fitting:

-Hey Billy Crystal, 1982 called and they want their opening back
-So now we know: the exact opposite of pandering to the youth demographic is a Billy Crystal musical number
-Seems like Bruce Villanch definitely gets out a lot
-Based on that opening I’m pretty sure that Billy Crystal still uses Netscape
-It appears that the mild chortle will be the night’s LOL
-It’s fitting that a night celebrating a black and white silent film is relying solely on humor that was popular in 1929
-Is it a bad sign for Billy Crystal that he got showed up humor-wise by the winner of Best Sound Editing?
-They’re probably racing through the ceremony because Billy Crytsal has a flight he has to catch straight back to the Catskills.

*Shit Oscars nerds say: "They started with Cinematography WTF?!? This is outrageous! Where is Best Supporting Actress?"

(BTW speaking of outrages...in the battle of Lubeski vs. Kaminski the winner is None of the Above? Way to ruin my night on the very first award. Richardson over Lubeski isn’t quite Hooper over Fincher but it’s probably at least Fletcher over Reitman. Also, Emmanuel Lubeski is now officially our Gordon Willis. Also, you have no idea what I’m talking about do you?)

*I love montages at the Oscars because they’re a great way for people to catch up who have never seen a movie before. Which leads me to the larger issue of who is it that thinks that the Oscars seem like an ideal place to advertise for the concept of watching movies? Because most people watching the Oscars probably have no idea what movies even are, right? “Man, this whole ‘movies’ thing sure sounds like something I should check out” seems to be what Oscar producers assume the viewing public at home is thinking.

*I love giving out the awards two at a time! I'm so glad that this show devoted to giving out awards is racing through the whole giving out awards part. It makes me very happy!
“Hey, non-famous people in the technical categories, go fuck yourselves” -The Academy

*Pretty sure Nick Nolte isn’t alive

*Wow, who knew Sandra Bullock was such a nerd? Good thing she apologized for her Mandarin having a German accent because I was definitely going to call her on that.

*Fun fact: Did you also know that Octavia Spencer is the first person to win an Oscar for making a pie out of her own shit? And that her crying face is the same as her normal face? And that it’s 2012 and apparently black women can still only win in the “help” category at the Oscars?
(Also, way to help The Help, guy walking Octavia Spencer to the stage.)

*Here you go Iran. Here’s an Oscar. Now please don’t mind when we start bombing the shit out of you.
(What’s the opposite of a parting gift?)

*Thank god they cut the performances of the two nominated songs because I would have hated to have missed that Cirque du Soleil show that was totally relevant and had a lot to do with movies.

*I’m glad Chris Rock had the balls to finally call out the animation industry for their horrible racism. What bigots those Pixar people are.

*Serious question: Was the Emma Stone/Ben Stiller presenter thing supposed to be a parody of Anne Hathaway/James Franco from last year? Because if so, I kind of liked it. If not, I definitely didn’t.

*Wait, the acting legend playing a gay man dying of cancer won an OSCAR?!? Now I really have seen everything. Also, very true Christopher Plummer. I know for sure that you are definitely humbled to be in the same company as Jonah Hill. (Or as my roommate called him, the white Al Roker)

*Serious rant: I’m sure I say this every year but I never understand when people say they’ve been preparing for their Oscar acceptance speech their whole life and then proceed to just list a bunch of names. First of all, were you really practicing saying the name of your agent and your PR people when you were 12? Also, that was what was most important for you to say in your fantasies about the greatest moment of your life? “One day I hope I can win an Oscar so that I can stand up in front of the world an thank the film’s producers”?

*Dressing like an Oscar statue is a little redundant at this point don’t you think Meryl Streep?

*An Academy Award for Flight of the Conchords; your move Lonely Island.

*When did Angelina Jolie become a rich man’s Hilary Swank?
(By the way, I still can’t believe that Hilary Swank was snubbed for War Horse)
Semi-speaking of which, here are by far the most discussed things of the Oscars 2012:
1. Angelina Jolie’s leg
2. Angelina Jolie’s arms
3. The actual results of the awards

*Greendale now having an Oscar has to be one the greatest accomplishments in community college history #JimRash #Community

*Seeing Werner Herzog at The Oscars gives me the greatest idea in history: have Werner Herzog produce The Oscars!

*Whenever they say “let’s watch some highlights from the Scientific and Technical Achievement Awards” they’re using the term “highlights” very loosely

*Quick quiz: Is If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front an Oscar nominated documentary or a Coheed and Cambria song? (I’m allowed to semi-recycle my own jokes)

*Pretty sure Undefeated winning is just a make up award for snubbing Hoop Dreams. Or Friday Night Lights. One of the two.

*“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Pakistani women getting acid thrown in their faces, whatever, this is boring, where are the movie stars?” – nearly everyone during the Best Documentary Short acceptance speech

*Thank goodness Oprah has an Oscar now because her career has really been hurting. Maybe this will give it the boost it needs. Speaking of which, good thing they didn’t give Oprah her Oscar during the actual ceremony as that probably would have been terrible for buzz, ratings, and general interest.

*I always like the part in awards shows when they stop and remind us all that one day we’re gonna die.

*Well, at least I'm glad that I didn’t learn how to pronounce Hazanavicius for nothing. And glad we just gave Best Director to a guy most well-known for making French James Bond spoofs. Can’t wait for the Wayans Brothers to win next year.

*My reaction to Jean Dujardin winning:
Congrats to Roberto Benigni!
(Been nice knowing you!)

*My reaction to Meryl Streep winning:
Shock.
And then:
“Now she can’t win for August: Osage County!”

It was great to have a legitimate surprise at the Oscars. As much as I hate the people who want to see surprises just for the sake of seeing surprises, when you don’t know what’s coming you get a more genuine response. Nearly every other winner I nodded along knowingly and dispassionately when their names were called. I had already long ago processed my feelings on their win. But even though I was really pulling for Viola Davis, I found myself in the moment being unexpectedly excited and moved by Meryl’s win. Turns out I like her more than I even realized. Nice to learn something like that at the Oscars. Now imagine how great they’d be if there were absolutely no pundits and we had no idea at all who might win. That’d be pretty great.

(While we're talking about Best Actress let me just say that I thought Conan O’Brien was great in Albert Nobbs)

*Okay so by the end The Artist's win was inevitable. I really wish they wouldn't announce Director 30 minutes before they announce Picture. It's like puncturing a small hole in the balloon. By the time they get to Picture the air is almost all gone. But Best Director aside if you had any lingering doubts about what would win you should have simply watched the show. A telecast that old fashioned, that conservative, that careful not to offend could only be produced by a group that would find The Artist the Best Picture of the year. They were so into a movie that celebrated old Hollywood because they ARE old Hollywood. Not a novel observation I know, but one that rang especially clear tonight. Watching bit after bit fall thuddingly flat, wondering what exact the jokes were even supposed to be I saw clearly why comedies never get nominated. Looking at a tone deaf, airless, stuffy ceremony that could have taken place any time between now and 1962 I knew how The Kings Speech beat The Social Network. It made me wonder how something like No Country for Old Men ever won (and not just because that seems like the only people the country of Oscar is for).

The Oscars will always matter. They will always mean something. They will always be relevant because the dream of the Oscars and their cultural cache are unkillable at this point. But something happens to 84 year-olds. They get sick. And in this case, we're still desperately searching for the medicine.

Until next year comrades.