I’ll admit it. I’ve never been more wrong about anything than I was about Lady Gaga. Much like when I tried to guess the end of
Titanic (hey how was I to know the boat was going to sink) the statement “Lady Gaga is a one-hit wonder if I have ever heard one” has become a constant source of ridicule and embarrassment. How was I supposed to know that a song about being so drunk you don’t even know what club you're at, was in fact the anthem for our times? How could I have known that a "dance music" artist would be the person to capture the zeitgeist? And what on earth would have led me to believe that some ridiculously costumed person with a stupid name would be the best thing to happen to mainstream music since Kurt Cobain? (I feel like that’s not even remotely true, but I like the sound of it so just go with me here)
Before we go any further I should say that I am fully aware that writing about Lady Gaga at this late date is very passé, but it has come to my attention several times recently that there are still people who don’t know that it’s okay to fully and unapologetically embrace her. So let me set the record straight: Lady Gaga is not a guilty pleasure, she’s just a pleasure. We all love her. All of us. It’s a thing. Not since we all decided that it was okay to like Justin Timberlake has someone so united the masses. Young and old, Brooklyn hipsters and Midwest housewives, black and white, Ga and ga, we all love us some Lady G. And if there’s anything I’m into in pop culture it’s consensus. So you know I’m down with anything as universally embraced as Lady Gaga. But what exactly is everyone embracing?
Well, they are embracing, pretty much, a performance artist in pop star clothing. Because although the music is great, it’s almost secondary to the Gaga experience. What did she wear, what did she do, what did she say? This is what we talk about when we talk about Gaga.
They are also embracing decadence and sexuality that’s a little risqué. A female artist with something to say. An individual, a provocateur, and, dare I say, an iconoclast. More than just an evolutionary Madonna, Gaga is a pop star for our times. And maybe even more than Obama, that says something very good about our times.
Because times were that the bland and the test-marketed and carefully controlled and micromanaged were popular. Last time there was a pop music explosion at the turn of a decade it was led by boy bands and Britney Spears. And when someone like Christina Aguilera tried to take control of their career back from their handlers they were branded as a dirty slut worthy of derision. Acts of personal individual expression were to be worn like a scarlet A on your barely-there shirt.
No, we wanted pretty people doing pretty things that were completely safe and unthreatening. We wanted prepackaged, prefab pop stars that didn’t challenge us in any way.
We wanted Beyonce.
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As many words I have typed over the years about Beyonce I have never really laid out in explicit terms why she bothers me so much, other than a generalized “she sucks and I hate her”. But now I don’t have to. Lady Gaga can make my case for me. Because she is, in every way, the anti-Beyonce. And this year’s Grammys highlighted why.
Beyonce tried her hardest to appear edgy and dramatic, but in the end it came off as calculated and disconnected, just like everything else about her. Since she burst onto the scene Beyonce has tried to remain as bland and neutral about everything as possible. She never says or does anything controversial or noteworthy because she doesn’t want to alienate anyone. Not only because doing so might hurt her record sales and her “brand”, but because then she would no longer be a bland cipher onto whom we can project whatever we want to see or whatever we want her to be. Do we want to see her as a regal princess who can serenade the President on election night or sing at the Oscars? Do we want her to be a woman scorned who can take out her anger on her trifling man in “Ring the Alarm”? Do we want her to be a bootylicious (yet classy) sex object? She can be all of those things because by remaining as bland as possible you can project onto her whatever you want to see. It’s all a brilliant strategic calculation by handlers, albeit one that ultimately rings false since this calculation is never acknowledged. But because Lady Gaga admits up front that she’s calculating and contrived it comes off as authentic. Because she calculates and contrives it all herself. She is true to who she is and so it rings true even if it’s all “false”. But because there is no real Beyonce, or at least one that any of us can perceive, she can’t come off as authentic. It’s why she’s a terrible actress. She doesn’t know how to be a real person, so she can only play at being a real person. “Oh I bet this will make me seem edgy.” “This will give people a sense of empowerment.” “I can play at ‘strength’ here.” But Gaga doesn’t give a fuck what people think. She only cares about what
she thinks. Because she has thoughts and a vision and has done it all herself. It hasn’t been her Dad’s vision, or her handlers’ vision or the vision of her songwriters. No one has to go out of their way to explain that “this is all Beyonce’s vision” or give Barbara Walters interviews where they talk about how they are “doing it all themselves now”. That’s just self-evident with Gaga. She didn’t come from the female equivalent of a boy band. She wasn’t driven to be a success at a young age by a father who put her through a pop star boot camp. She came from years of performing in small clubs and in the downtown music scene despite opposition from her parents. She hasn’t gotten anywhere on her looks; in fact she’s willfully obscured them. I still don’t know for sure exact
what she looks like. And she’s most certainly not a bland cipher onto which we can project whatever we want to see. She is a very specific vision on which we can see only her, nothing of ourselves. Except in our embrace of her. And in that we can see that we are weirder than we let on.
Are we fully ready to accept that though? Lady Gaga’s success is encouraging, but Beyonce is certainly still around. Even if she herself is feeling somewhat divided. Her sister is
performing with Of Montreal and recording
Dirty Projectors covers while her husband is increasingly
willing to shill for
any organization that
will have him. So in a sense Beyonce’s world reflects the world at large. Which side will prevail? What is truly in store for the next generation of pop music? What message are we ready to accept?
Beyonce says, if you like me at all then you should have given me a ring symbolizing your lifelong devotion and commitment. Lady Gaga says, I’m drunk and dancing in this club so leave me alone; I’ll ride your disco stick when I feel like it okay? Lady Gaga obliquely references Hitchcock for no apparent reason; Beyonce explicitly references
Charlie's Angels for purely commercial reasons. Beyonce is a “Survivor”; Lady Gaga hopes you can survive
her. Lady Gaga wears a dress made of Kermit the Frogs, Beyonce wears a dress made by her mom. Lady Gaga will bleed on stage; Beyonce wouldn’t want the blood to get on her dress. Lady Gaga plays many of her own instruments; Beyonce can barely even write her own songs. Beyonce will advertise for literally anything; Lady Gaga will…well she probably would too. But she would, you know, like do it ironically or something.
Even though they may have recorded songs together, their missions and statements (and mission statements) couldn’t be more different. So it was fitting that their two albums were the two top contenders for Album of the Year at the Grammys. It gave us a chance to consider the two of them head to head and side by side. And to ask ourselves as a people once and for all - in the battle for good and evil, the battle for the soul of a nation and the top of the charts, who do we choose? Who wins? Who wears the crown as the voice of the new millennium, the new era, the new age in pop music? There’s only one answer, even though it may be two words. And those two words are of course: Taylor. Swift.
