Daft and Punk'd: The Grammys 2014

The Grammys are insane and might very well be nothing more than one very long, cruel practical joke so here, read my breakdown of every single performance and the four major awards at the Grammys! Enjoy!

Beyonce and Jay-Z

“To kick off the Grammys…here’s a person not nominated for any individual Grammys tonight! So give a warm Grammy welcome to Beyonce and a disoriented old man!”

Nothing makes me happier than the fact that in Obama’s America the person who sang the National Anthem at the Presidential Inauguration is the same person who got bleeped at the Grammys while having sex with a chair. I may generally have mixed feelings about Beyonce, but I’m becoming more and more pro-Beyonce by the minute.

Lorde

#2014

Think piece idea: the embrace of minimalism in music by children of The Great Recession

Think piece idea II: the children are our future – not such a bad thing?

While Lorde may want to be called Queen Bee, I prefer to call her Fiona Apple. Also, is epilepsy a thing now? It’s so hard to keep up with what the kids are into these days.

Hunter Hayes

True story: Mark David Chapman only shot John Lennon so he wouldn’t have to live to see his quotes projected during a Hunter Hayes performance at the Grammys. It’s just a shame there was no one present in the building who cared about protecting John Lennon’s legacy. (Yoko Ono burn!)

Anyway, the fastest possible way to get me to leave the room to use the bathroom is to utter the sentence “Next up a powerful new ballad by Hunter Hayes”, but from what I caught of it I’m just glad someone finally had the courage and originality to write a song promoting the idea that the listener is special and has the power to overcome adversity. About time we had a song like that.

Katy Perry

I want to take Lady Gaga and rub her nose in Katy Perry’s performance while yelling “bad dog” until she feels bad about what she’s done.

I’m generally powerless to resist a good Katy Perry song, but it says everything about Katy Perry that the part of her performance she appeared to put the least amount of thought and energy into was the singing. And it was maybe a little too on the nose to set that performance in the pits of hell. But whatever, Juicy J was on the Grammys. I just hope when Katy Perry grows up she can be more like Lorde.

Chicago /Robin Thicke

Quiz: without cheating name a member of Chicago

While we’re doing quizzes, here’s a good ol’ SAT-style analogy

Grammys : VMAs :: Robin Thicke and Chicago : Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus

I don’t really know what my point is necessarily other than to say that anyone who thought the Miley Cyrus performance was the end of civilization as we know it should really watch that Chicago performance and then tell me which civilization seems more fun to live in. And I say this as someone who owns three Chicago albums.

Keith Urban/Gary Clark Jr.

Remember when pre-mainstream-fame Mumford and Sons got to perform with Bob Dylan at the Grammys? Gary Clark Jr. performing on the Grammys with Keith Urban is the exact opposite of that. By which I mean I’m really looking forward to bouncing my grandkids on my knee one day and telling them about the time I wasted five minutes of my life watching Gary Clark Jr. suffer through a Keith Urban song.

John Legend

Has anyone ever seen John Legend NOT at the Grammys? Pretty sure he lives at the Staples Center. And while the last 20 years may have seen the invention of the Internet and the iPhone, if John Legend is our Stevie Wonder then we have failed miserably as a people.

Taylor Swift

Not sure if Taylor Swift was performing at the Grammys or filming a shampoo commercial, but either way I thought it was pretty good. That being said, we take you seriously now Taylor. You can let the mean comments about that time you sang with Stevie Nicks go now. It would be cool next year for stage-Taylor Swift to be more like audience-Taylor Swift

Pink featuring Nate Ruess

Remember that time we tuned into a Cirque du Soleil show and a Pink concert broke out? By which I mean every awards show ever.

Fun fact: there was a shark in that audience that Pink just flew over
(Speaking of jumping the shark: Nate Ruess’ mustache)

Seriously though, I think Pink is a great performer and everything a pop star should be, I just wish she would get some new tricks already.

Ringo Starr

Good thing the Beatles’ legacy is literally impossible to soil because all I could think during that performance was "don’t let Ringo outlive Paul, don’t let Ringo outlive Paul…"

But really, please don’t let Ringo outlive Paul.

(Also, after that performance I feel certain that Pete Best is on even higher suicide watch than usual)

Kendrick Lamar/Imagine Dragons

I’m pretty sure Kendrick Lamar has never listened to an Imagine Dragons song, and I’m pretty sure their joint performance was a bit of a train wreck, but I’m also pretty sure I kind of loved it. And when during Kendrick’s last verse it appeared smoke was coming out of his microphone, well, that was totally apt.

For better or worse it’s performances like that that you can only get at the Grammys. They’re the whole reason we (and by “we” I mean I) tune in.

Kacey Musgraves

What if instead of having the Grammys we just had a Kacey Musgraves concert? Would anyone be opposed?

Two more Kacey Musgraves points:

1. I like Taylor Swift, but when Kacey Musgraves won Best Country Album I shouted SUCK IT TAYLOR SWIFT!!! Now Kacey has beaten Taylor and the circle of life begins anew.

2. Ten years from now nothing about these Grammys is going to seem dumber than the fact that Kacey Musgraves didn’t win Best New Artist.

(Are my Texas roots showing yet?)

Paul McCartney

I am an ardent and unabashed fan of Paul McCartney’s solo work but I think it’s telling that the only person they could get a shot of singing and dancing along enthusiastically to Paul’s song was his wife.

(Yoko Ono doesn’t count because it’s unclear if she was singing and dancing along or if she was just being Yoko Ono (Yoko Ono burn!))

Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Merle Haggard and Blake Shelton

Don’t know if it says more abot the Grammys or about hipsterdom that the hippest performance at the Grammys was Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, and Merle Haggard. But gold star to whoever decided to cut almost exclusively to shots of rappers during it. Says a lot that Jamie Foxx seemed more into Merle Haggard than Taylor Swift and Taylor Swifts Dancing Friend did.

Daft Punk featuring everyone who is awesome

Okay, that made the whole night worth it. It was just as great as anyone could have predicted that it would be. Apparently when you get truly great people together to perform a truly great song great things happen. Who knew?

Sara Bareillis/Carol King

Did this happen? Was this a thing that happened? I have no idea if this actually happened or not. I might have dozed off.

Bruno Mars

While I was asleep I must have missed Bruno Mars’ performance. I mean this was the Grammys after all. You can’t have a Grammys without the Grammy mascot. There’s no way they would allow that. Right??? I’m sure he must have performed, so it’s a shame I missed my annual five minutes of being a huge Bruno Mars fan. Oh well. Back to complete and total indifference towards all things Bruno Mars. Til next year Bruno Mars…

Metallica/Lang Lang

The Grammys are Willie Nelson performing with Blake Shelton and the Grammys are also Metallica performing with classical pianist Lang Lang. The Grammys are all things. The Grammys contain multitudes. So once the shock of seeing Metallica on CBS wore off I realized that the performance was actually thoroughly Grammys, no matter how atypical the Metallica part of it appeared. In the end I’m not sure how I felt about it as a performance, but I’m glad it happened and that I saw it. Long live the Grammys!

“Same Love”

I’ll try and keep this brief…

As someone who considers Eminem performing on the Grammys with Elton John a seminal moment of his adolescence I had been looking forward to the performance of “Same Love” on the Grammys for months now because I recognized it’s potential to be a similar moment for a new generation. And in the end it exceeded even my highest expectations.

I don’t know that it’ll be a cultural moment of the magnitude that Eminem’s performance was, but I think that’s more due to the fractured nature of our culture than the performance itself. Because in the end, it was a performance that perfectly captured the power of music, and its possibilities as an agent of love and hope and change. Now I know snark and the Grammys go hand and hand (I mean, have you read everything up until now?) but if you have negative snarky things to say about this performance please stop reading my blog forever and go take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. And anyone who thinks the Grammys are a pointless waste of time needs to watch this performance and then shut the hell up forever.

Neil Portnow

NEIL PORTNOW!!! I LOVE THAT NEIL PORTNOW THINKS WE REMEMBER EXACT DETAILS OF HIS SPEECH FROM LAST YEAR. BECAUSE WE TOTALLY DO!!!! HOW COULD WE EVER FORGET YOUR SPEECHES NEIL PORTNOW?? YOU ARE THE HIGHLIGHT OF OUR LIFE! THAT’S WHY IT’S GREAT YOU POSITIONED YOURSELF RIGHT AFTER THE EMOTIONAL HIGH POINT OF THE EVENING. BECAUSE YOU ARE THE EMOTIONAL HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR!!!! NEVER CHANGE NEIL PORTNOW

Everly Brothers tribute

I wish I could go back in time to 1994 and try to explain to people how not weird it will seem when one day the lead singer of Green Day performs an Everly Brothers tribute at the Grammys. Who knew at the time what a pivotal song “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” would wind up being. Or maybe I just missed something and playing acoustic guitar with Miranda Lambert is the new punk.

Lindsey Buckingham, Nine Inch Nails, Dave Grohl, and Queens of the Stone Age

This was great but also seemed like it never really had a chance to get started. Right when it finally felt like it had some real momentum they cut to the credits. Which whenever you have a rocking performance that seems like it could really invigorate the whole evening it’s best to play the closing credits over it. Great job Grammys! Speaking of which….

THE  BIG FOUR AWARDS

(Okay so this first one wasn’t so great…)

Best New Artist

“Macklemore and Ryan Lewis meet the rap group Arrested Development. Arrested Development, meet Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.”

(Speaking of introductions, can a clip of Anna Kendrick wearing that dress while doing clever comedy bits play on a loop forever? Asking for a friend.)

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(But these next three awards…I mean you could make a legitimate case that these are the actual song, record, and album of the year. Not an embarassing choice among them, and in all three cases the best choice out of all of the nominees. Of course all this means is that next year all of the awards are going to go to Bruno Mars and Phil Collins.)

Song of the Year

The Grammys not giving Song of the Year to “Same Love”, the most Grammys song ever, is the most Grammy thing ever. If a white rapper collaborating with a female vocalist and live instrumentation for a positive song about human rights can’t win a Grammy then what can? An ever better song by a hip young outsider dabbling in a genre all her own, challenging the mainstream status quo?? It’s like I don’t even know you any more Grammys!

Record of the Year

Daft Punk remaining in character to receive their awards was the highlight of the night and will do way more for their sales, popularity, and notoriety with the public at large than reading a list of names could have done in a million years. Lady Gaga is so pissed that she’s not Daft Punk. And unlike Lady Gaga there’s a zero percent chance the popularity and success of this Daft Punk song will ever seem dumb.

Album of the Year

Well, we now live in a world where Daft Punk have won a Grammy for Album of the Year. We’ve come a long way since Vaughn Meader. I’d also just like to say that I called this one back in June. If I had bet money I would be a wealthy man. But also betting money on the Grammys is the ultimate form of insanity. So there’s that.

But with this win, here are the past four Album of the Year winners: Arcade Fire (The Suburbs), Adele (21), Mumford and Sons (Babel), and Daft Punk (Random Access Memories). No embarrassing clunkers in the lot and all albums that had real connection to the trends and popular music scenes of their day. Large numbers of people under the age of 40 own and enjoy each of those albums. And I know some people aren’t big on Mumford and Sons but each of those albums could make a legitimate claim as the best album of their respective years. I don’t know if it’s an extended fluke or a real trend. But it’s encouraging and I profoundly hope it continues. And on that note I’m now off to come to terms with Beyonce winning next year because it’s going to take me a whole year to be emotionally ready for it.

My Top 20 Favorite Things of 2013

 

It was busy year for me personally and so there are a great many things I'm sure would have made this list if I had only had time to experience them: Frances Ha, Short Term 12, American Hustle, Haim, Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine, Time of Death, Six by Sondheim, Mark Rylance’s "Twelfth Night", the list goes on and on. But that being said, there were 20 terrific things I did experience that helped make 2013 a pretty great year culturally.

1. Liz’s speech to Tracy in the 30 Rock finale
I wish I could post a clip of this because the performances are really what put it over the top, but rights issues prevent me from doing that so here's the transcript of it: 

“We were forced to be friends because of work. And we’re probably not gonna hang out after this. You’ll say you’re gonna invite me to your house, but it's never gonna happen. And I’ll see on TV that it’s your birthday and I’ll forget to call. And working with you is hard. Tracy, you frustrated me and you wore me out. But because the human heart is not properly connected to the human brain I love you, and I’m gonna miss you.

(pause)

But tonight might be it.”

 

Did the most heartbreakingly honest and emotionally true observation about human relationships seen on TV this year happen on a four-punchline-a-minute comedy? Of course it did. What could be more indicative of our 2013 post-genre America than that?

Comedy is dead; long live comedy.

(While we’re on the terrific 30 Rock finale, shout out to the Rural Juror song. It should have won all of the Emmys.)

2. Girls – “Boys”

I wrote about Girls last year. And I'm sure I’ll write about Girls next year. I'm sure on my death bed I’ll grip my wife’s hand and with my last dying breath whisper softly in her ear “I should have written more about Girls”. But all we have is the here and now, and what I want to say this year about Girls concerns “Boys”. Because while so much of the talk around season two focused on the Patrick Wilson episode, "Other People's Trash", for me "Boys" is the episode the best showcased what Girls does better than any other show and that is showing how people at their worst are only human.

In the age of the anti-hero, Girls represents the next step in the evolutionary process by giving us no heroes at all. Everyone on the show is just a person, flawed and imperfect, sometimes trying to do their best and other times not trying much of anything at all. They're petty and considerate, selfish and giving, honest and guarded, and most of all just trying to get through to the next moment just like everyone else. No character comes out of "Boys" looking good, but your heart goes out to each and everyone of them. And if the final phone call between Hannah and Marnie doesn't hit you deep in your soul then you probably don't have one.
 

3. Vampire Weekend – Modern Vampires of the City

Speaking of Girls, if Hannah Horvath wants to be the voice of her generation she might have to get in line behind these guys. Now I might be defining "generation" very narrowly as "white American coastal-dwelling creative types in their late 20s to early 30s", but still. Vampire Weekend is the sound of my people. A sound that has evolved from a Paul Simon knockoff to something much deeper, yet somehow still totally the same. Seriously, has any band ever changed its sound more while still sounding exactly like itself? It's music that speaks to the times, is urbane yet lived in, drenched in anxiety and intellect, gets in your bloodstream, and is very very white. Modern vampires of the city indeed.
 

4. Daft Punk - “Get Lucky”

A wise person once said opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got one. Which is interesting because an asshole is also what you're being if you have the “opinion” that anything other than “Get Lucky” is the song of 2013. And nobody likes an asshole.

5. 12 Years a Slave

To take the preceding concept one step further, there are opinions and then there are facts. And "12 Years a Slave is the most powerful, well-made, and important film of 2013” is definitely the later.

Crazy that it took 150 years and a bunch of British guys to make the first mainstream film to deal honestly with the horror and brutality of American slavery, but then again, not crazy at all.

Speaking of which….

6. Fruitvale Station

I know asking white people to watch and care about one whole movie per year about the problems of black people that doesn't also feature a white protagonist is tough. And it appears asking them to watch three (THREE!) of them is impossible (see also: The Butler). Which is a shame because...well...where do I even begin? But in this case specifically because the least mainstream of the three is in many ways the most vital.

Due to the amount of time it takes for a movie to go from idea to a finished product it’s rare to see films address current events in anything approaching real time. But in a sadly not that unbelievable twist of fate, Fruitvale Station was released a day before the George Zimmerman verdict. And that verdict made watching the film an almost unbearably heartbreaking experience. It’s the only film I’ve ever attended that when the movie ended and the lights came up not a single person had yet gotten out of their seats and all you could hear was complete and total silence punctuated only by the sounds of sniffles. There were sadly not that many of us in the theater, because while everyone rushes out to see a big spectacle like Gravity on the big screen, the masses aren’t that into the best reason to cram yourself into a dark room with a bunch of random strangers for a few hours: to experience a group catharsis.

At my screening the first person to finally get up from their seat, wipe the tears from their face and leave the theater was a black man who looked old enough to have a son the same age as Oscar Grant was when he was killed. The next person to follow his lead was an old white woman who had trouble even standing up. The first man was almost out of theater, saw her at the last second, and turned back in her direction to try and help. She kindly waved him off and he went on his way. It was a moment that meant nothing really, but in the context of what we had all just been through it felt like it meant everything. And if that’s not a reason to go the movies then I don't know what is.

7. Kanye - “Blood on the Leaves”
I already wrote extensively about my thoughts on Yeezus as a whole, so allow me to take a moment to discuss “Blood on the Leaves”. Because has anything ever been more Kanye than “Blood on the Leaves”? I mean, he used an iconic Nina Simone song about lynchings for the backdrop of a song about knocking up a groupie? Why would he do that?? Is he trying to make some sort of statement? Did he just like the way it sounded? Is he simply trolling us all? It’s provocative and ridiculous and offensive and touching and honest and manipulative and you can think about it all til your head bleeds and still be no closer to solving it. But then the beat hits for the first time at the 1:07 mark and none of that matters. Because, goddamn, that beat, that moment, that contradiction of sounds, they render all human thought completely irrelevant.

Maybe Kanye really IS the black Jesus.

8. Shailene Woodley in The Spectacular Now
I didn't love The Spectacular Now as much as I hoped to. Also, Kyle Chandler gives the movie’s most awards worthy performance. And Miles Teller is getting the most breakout star hype (although for my money a little bit of Miles Teller goes a long way). But years from now what the movie will be remembered for, if anything, is for being Shailene Woodley’s Mystic Pizza. Whether she finds her Pretty Woman or not who knows, but if there’s any justice in the world she will be America’s new(est) sweetheart. I would say our next great actress too, but it’s unclear if she’s even acting in this movie. I’m not totally convinced she was aware that cameras were rolling or that a movie was being made around her. I know a screenplay allegedly was written, but I'm pretty sure she was just saying whatever words came into her head. So natural and unaffected was Shailene Woodley in The Spectacular Now that she transcended “acting” and existed on some other plane of being. I would say she’s primed to be the biggest female movie star in the world, except for the fact that there is one minor, tiny little thing standing in her way….

9. Jennifer Lawrence
...And that is Jennifer Lawrence, the queen of 2013 and the queen of our hearts. Other than maybe the Pope, no one owned 2013 quite the way Jennifer Lawrence did. Suffice it to say that when WINNING AN OSCAR seems like a forgotten footnote on the list of things people remember from your year then that year was a pretty good one for you. And you know you're in a rarefied place when the actual walk up to receive the biggest honor possible in your industry does more for your fame and your career than the actual honor itself. Jennifer Lawrence is officially on some Michael Jackson-in-1983 shit. There's no way it can last, but really, in this day and age, there's nothing Jennifer Lawrence will ever be able to achieve that will be more impressive than keeping it going this long. Culture moves so quickly now and the backlash machine is so fast to pounce that we might never see anything like it again. There are still two more Hunger Games to promote and a possible nother Oscar win for American Hustle so who knows what greatness we still have in store for us, but no matter what happens from here we'll always have 2013 and J-Law telling Letterman a story about shitting herself.

10. "Stonehenge"/"The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)" videos
Allow me to plagiarize myself:

To take nothing away from “The Fox" which is obviously an incredible work of artistic genius, but the best thing about "The Fox" is that it has lead to the discovery of the existence of "Stonehenge". And "Stonehenge" is the best. (The best!)

Now do any more countries have their own versions of Flight of the Conchords that we should know about?

11. Breaking Bad
First off, can we just stop with this nonsense that Breaking Bad is the greatest show of all time? That’s just the recency bias talking. Plus haven't we established that The Wire is forever the best show of all time? I didn't realize this was still a discussion. But all that being said, Breaking Bad is probably the most suspenseful, the most masterfully plotted, the most well directed, and the most well acted TV show of all time. And it unquestionably had the greatest final season of any TV show ever. That is definitely not still a discussion. So while Breaking Bad ultimately may not have had a lot to say about the world other than dealing meth is a bad life choice and power corrupts absolutely, it all the way til its very end remained a masterpiece of storytelling and TV’s ultimate thrill ride. And it proved that in the quest for artistic immortality and respect, going out on your own terms is finally the new premature cancellation. To paraphrase Jessie Pinkman: closure, bitch!

12. Mad Men – “For Immediate Release”
Here’s a show though that had TONS to say about the world. Yes it addressed power, and strangely enough drugs, but also so much more. It's hard to pick just one episode from a brilliant season that featured Bob Benson, Peggy and Abe and Ted, the return of Betty, Sally walking in on Don and Sylvia, Roger being Roger, and the now legendary climatic Hershey’s speech. But for my money this midseason game changer was the finest of the year. If drama is the story of change than there wasn't a more dramatic hour of television in 2013. I've never seen a show firing on all cylinders so unexpectedly hit the reset button in the middle of a season before, and it's doubtful I ever will again. As the end credits rolled I was shocked, disoriented, and full of all the emotions. I loved it.

13. Kacey Musgraves - “Merry Go Round”
I enjoy Taylor Swift. I own all of Taylor Swift’s music. I listen to it often. Because I am a fan of all things Taylor Swift. But Taylor Swift...you just GOT SERVED (as the kids still presumably say).

 

Now if you’ll excuse me Taylor Swift, I’m off to get the lyrics to “Merry Go Round” tattooed on my face.

(Thank god this song didn't come out when I was a 16-year-old living in the Houston suburbs or there's a very real chance I might have actually done that)

14. The Manti Teo/catfishing scandal

The Dick Chaney shooting his friend in the face/Clint Eastwood berating a chair of 2013. Only better. And perhaps twitter’s finest hour.

15. Her
This movie should win all of the awards. And I mean that fairly literally. Not just Best Picture and Best Director, but, like, Best Costume Design, Best Art Direction, Best Casting, Best Location Scouting, and Best Everything. Because there's no element of this movie that isn’t perfect. Particularly perfect though: the otherworldly screenplay, the decision to have Shanghai stand in for Los Angeles, Joaquin Phoenix who might be best American male actor working today, Scarlett Johansson who absolutely deserves an Oscar nomination for a role in which she never appears on screen, and Amy Adams who has quietly become a fairly reliable signifier of quality. But most perfect of all is Spike Jonze. He’s now made four films and three of them are all-time classics (and the 4th isn't far off). Her though is without a doubt his masterwork. He took a seemingly comical and ridiculous premise - man falls in love with his computer - and crafted it into not only a searingly honest and heartfelt apology to his ex-wife, but into one of the most heartbreaking explorations of the quest for human connection in years. It’s both incredibly of its time and way ahead of it. It’s a master filmmaker at his absolute apex both as an artist and as a human. And it’s one of my all-time favorite movies.

16. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey at The Golden Globes

 

Serious Question: Why aren’t all awards shows just like this?

Serious Question Two: Why is it so rare that things are exactly as good as you know that they will be?

17. Orange is the New Black

Was there anything more 2013 than Orange is the New Black? It checked all the boxes - multiracial, gay-friendly, empowering to women, a sprawling ensemble cast, gave voice to people not normally represented in popular culture, on Netflix rather than "TV", designed for binge watching, a comedy without hard jokes, a drama with big laughs, hip-hop, NPR, mustaches. OITNB was 2013. But more importantly, at a time when culture seems obsessed with teaching old dogs new tricks, OITNB showed us all a different way forward: get a new dog.

18. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis - “Same Love”

Some generations have their “Change is Gonna Come” sung by Sam Cooke, and some have theirs sung by a guy whose most famous song is a novelty record about thrift store shopping. But then that’s not giving Macklemore enough credit. Because when I was young person the uber-popular zeitgeist-capturing white rapper du-jour was known for his misogyny, homophobia, violence, and nihilism. And today’s version on the other hand is known for his consciousness, his sobriety, his rejection of consumerism, and his LGBT activism. So while I’ll always have a place in my heart for Eminem due to what he meant to me during my formative years, without a doubt Macklemore, culturally, represents progress. And this is his "My Name Is".

19. Before Midnight

In a year when complaining about sequels and prequels and comic book adaptations reached a fever pitch, ironic that one the year’s best movies and one of my all-time favorite films (that's two in one year!) was part of a trilogy and a super hero franchise. And you better believe that Celine and Jesse are super heroes. They're super heroes of language. Super heroes of honesty. And my personal super heroes for proving once again that all you truly need for great art is two people talking.

#CelineandJesse4Ever

20. The New York Times article “I Know What You Think Of Me”

Finally, nothing resonated more deeply and personally with me in 2013 than this simple article in the New York Times. It articulates the complexity, contradiction, and difficulty of being a person in a relationship with other people more clearly, beautifully, and succinctly than anything else I've ever read.

“If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known” should be recited by school kids like the Pledge of Allegiance.