So why has it taken me this long to update the journal you ask? (Boy, aren’t you full of questions today!) Well the answer is that I’ve been quite busy. And by quite busy I mean “not busy at all”. But better late then never I always say.
Actually I don’t know if I’ve ever said that before.
But I’m saying it today.
Or whatever day you’re reading this on.
Wow this is really off to a terrible start. You know what? I think I’m just gonna start typing in Spanish. I mean no one still reads this thing anyway. Reading Fred is like SO six months ago. Mi gusta tacos. Mis zaptaos es roja. Donde es el bano? Shakira.
……
Okay, now as a way to shed my few remaining readers who survived that, allow me to tell you a little about life on the road in New Hampshire.
Before I went to New Hampshire I used to always get it confused with Vermont. And when I would confuse them I would think, “well who cares, they’re basically the same place anyway”. This could not be further from the truth. Although they are a pair in many ways Vermont is FAR better than New Hampshire. New Hampshire is like the Garfunkle to Vermont’s Simon. The Alex Winter to its Keanu Reeves. The other guy in Wham! to its George Michael. Vermont is full of hippies, hipsters, and gay people. So basically it’s just like New York only in the mountains and beautiful. New Hampshire was full of motorcycle wearing hillbillies. When I was shopping at a New Hampshire area Wal-Mart there were so many rednecks there that I was literally in shock. And keep in mind I spent the fist 18 years of my life in Texas. I takes A LOT of rednecks to shock me. And I was shocked. Severely shocked. So that pretty much sums up New Hampshire. Rednecks, motorcycles, and shopping at Wal-Mart. Oh yeah, and vanity license plates. Can’t really explain that one. But whatever.
Enough about the state itself. What was it like to travel around it and bring the magic that it Shakespeare to its denizens? Well in all seriousness it was wonderful. But it also exposed me to a lot of things that I should never be exposed to for prolonged periods of time. Besides rednecks this list also includes the radio, free time, and other people. What follows are all the results of over exposure to all three. You have been warned.
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*There are few worse than riding in a car on a long road trip with people who have terrible taste in music. Perhaps the only thing worse is riding in a plane on a long rip with people who are snakes.
*If you have ever told someone that you are “really into independent music” then you might be a douche bag. Same goes double for anyone who is really into stage combat.
*“The Great Salt Lake” by Band of Horses is definitely the best song ever written about The Great Salt Lake. Somewhere, in whatever neighborhood in Brooklyn is trendy this week, Sufjan Stevens is very jealous.
*If you’re going on a road trip anytime soon might I suggest the Elizabethtown soundtrack as musical accompaniment? Shocking that it would make good road trip music, as it’s the soundtrack to a movie about a guy who takes a road trip. And yes I realize the term “guy” pretty loosely as I am in fact talking about Orlando Bloom.
*While we’re on the subject of Cameron Crowe I would just like to state for the record that comparing Singles to Reality Bites is like comparing Bio Dome to The Godfather.
*After being turned onto "Behind These Hazel Eyes" by my sister I think it is now safe to say that Max Martin and Kelly Clarkson are to pop music what Martin Scorsese and Robert DeNiro are to movies. And yes I did just say that.
*I’m feel pretty sure I might be going to hell for saying this, but that new Jessica Simpson song is pretty catchy isn’t it?
*I think it’s interesting now in the K-Fed era to consider the fact that Britney Spears’ biggest song was called “Hit Me Baby One More Time”
*On a more serious music note I have an apology of sorts to make. I know over the years I have made many, MANY jokes about Beyonce. And make no mistake I still hate her with a passion. But I now firmly believe that her and Jay-Z are the Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward of our time. I know Jay and B aren’t even married yet but if I had to wager on which current celebrity couple will still be together in 40 years I would put all my money on those two. And I’m basing all of this on a Rolling Stone interview I read with him, a 5 second clip of them on stage together from the Fade to Black DVD, and her new song "Déjà Vu". Granted that’s not much to go on, but yet I could not possibly feel more certain about this issue. Sometimes you can just tell. So I guess in a round about convoluted way that’s an apology of sorts for all the mean things I’ve ever said about Beyonce. So there.
*On an even more serious musk related note I present:
This Week’s Sign of the Apocalypse
or
Reason #2135 That We’re All Screwed
What the People Riding in My Car One Night Thought About the Following Radio Selections as Judged by Whether or Not They Changed the Station Immediately or Continued to Listen to Said Selection (A Side By Side Comparison)
Note: I swear I am not even remotely making this up. I only wish I was.
Not Worth Listening To
The Beatles
“Dani California” – The Chilli Peppers
“American Pie” – Don McLean
Marvin Gaye
The News
Worth Listening To
Natalie Imbruglia
“Dont Cha” – The Pussycat Dolls
Some electronica song that sounded like Satan vomiting
Cher
Two guys arguing about who left a porkchop on the coffee table
*I have never been more wrong about anything than when I said that Will Farrell was making a big mistake leaving SNL. And if you didn’t see Talladega Nights in theaters you really should have. It may have only been the second best NASCAR themed movie this summer, but any movie that can be good and still have John C. Reilly in it is a pretty good movie. Although I feel it won’t work nearly as well watching it on video at home by yourself. Still, if there were Oscars for comedy, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor and Best Supporting Actress would already be wrapped up tight by Will Farrell, Sasha Baron Cohen and Amy Adams.
*Speaking of Sasha Baron Cohen, I had never before gone from having absolutely no interest in seeing a movie to wanting to see it at the first showing the night it comes out in the span of 2 minutes before, until I saw the Borat trailer for the first time. I mean this looks like it has a more than good chance to enter the comedy pantheon with Holy Grail, The Jerk, Spinal Tap, The South Park Movie, and Wet Hot American Summer. It might be the funniest trailer of all time. Here, I’ll even provide a link so all you have to do is click on it. That’s how much I care about you seeing this trailer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fq_fzdEk0r8
November 2006. Learn it, love it, live it.
*On the flip side I had the complete opposite reaction upon seeing the Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny trailer. My love affair with Tenacious D might prove to be VERY short lived.
*Why does Hal Ashby not get more respect? I mean outside of Coppola no director had a better or more consistent body of work in the 70’s. Harold and Maude, The Last Detail, Shampoo, Bound for Glory, Coming Home and Being There. Granted not exactly blockbuster mainstream films, but all of them classics in their own right and all of them except for Harold and Maude nominated for multiple Oscars. And then after those films, he died. Meaning he never made film that wasn’t a classic. He’s like the John Cazale of directors. And plus without Hal Ashby there would probably be no Wes Anderson. And without Wes Anderson there would be no Noah Baumbach. And without Noah Baumbach there would be no The Squid and the Whale. And without The Squid and the Whale there would be absolutely nothing redeeming about Laura Linney. So I think it’s about time we all gave Hal Ashby his due.
*And finally, the word the day: vituperative.
Does it even really matter what it means? It just sounds fucking cool to say. And sometimes thats all that matters.
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Thoughts had after coming BACK from New Hampshire That I Would Like to Share Now As Well:
*Has a movie ever made literally made zero dollars?
Well if one hasn’t the Apocalypto will be the first. I mean it s almost like the plot from The Producers come to life. Could you possibly come up with a less marketable movie than a movie with no stars, completely in Ancient Mayan, and written and directed by Mel Gibson? I honestly don’t think it would be humanly possible to come up with a movie the general public would less like to see. I think more people would buy tickets for Adolph Hitler Strangles Kitties at this point.
And if Apocalypto DOES somehow manage to make a single dollar, then Infamous is the next best bet to achieve the $0 total gross. All I can think is that this must have been the way it was pitched to the studios:
“If there’s one thing I know about the average American movie goer its just they cant get enough of Truman Capote. And Capote was such a smash hit that it left most Americans clamoring for a nearly identical movie to be released almost immediately! Only they wanted this version to be even gayer. Well their prayers are about to be answered answered. Now they can watch an inferior retelling of the events that Capote covered only with some dude they never heard of playing Capote AND they get to see him make out with Daniel Craig. Just what America has been waiting for!”
*You heard it here first: Eddie Murphy will be nominated for Best Supporting Actor. Just trust me on this one. And I’m also gonna say that Helen Mirren is NOT going to win Best Actress. She’s peaking WAY too early. My money is still on Annette Benning. Not that you even remotely care about any of this.
*I already miss the World Cup.
*I think the time has come for me to weight in on the “What album of the past does Idlewild best compare to” debate. Now I’ve read the comparisons to Tusk and of course In Utero. And my roommate wisely compared it to “The Secret Life of Plants, only good”. And I have to say, although it seems like a cop out, it really is a little of all three.
*Where exactly did sexy go to? I was unaware that it had left. And is it just me, or was anyone else hoping "Sexyback" would was a song about the sex appeal of backs. I mean backs are highly underrated as far as the sexy goes.
*I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned my love of the movie Primary Colors before, so I will do that now. I love Primary Colors. It is not only one of my top 10 favorite movies it is probably the best political movie ever made. It is to political movies, what the Spitzer for Governor ads are to political ads. They just blow the competition out of the water. Primary Colors sheds light on the whole political system, provides hope and inspiration in these dark times, and makes me profoundly sad that I missed out on the Clinton years. And as an actor I love the movie too. Adrian Lester is great, I'd argue its Travolta’s best post-70s work, and Kathy Bates’ final confrontation scene is some of the best acting ever committed to film. And I say this as someone who generally thinks Kathy Bates sucks. But its really profoundly good work. So if I had to pitch the movie here’s what Id say- “Primary Colors: The move that shows what the best of politics and acting are all about”.
*If there’s anything I enjoy more than Primary Colors its cereal. And that being said let me just tell you that Strawberry Delight Frosted Mini-Wheats are the best thing to happen to cereal since Yogurt Burst Cheerios.
*I have much more to say about Bill Maher at a later date but I just wanted to throw this out there now: his guests for this week include both Pat Buchanan and Gloria Steinmen. I don’t think I’ve ever been literally scared to watch a TV show before.
You have been warned.
(And if you don’t think I have lots to say about Christopher Hitchens’ appearance on the show two weeks ago then clearly you don’t know me)
*And finally (for real this time)
As you should hopefully know, Chuck Klosterman’s new book Klosterman IV came out this past week and you should go pick up a copy. Ill share my thoughts on it later but since we’re on the topic of Bill Maher I thought I should direct you attention to an interview he did with Klosterman for Amazon.com.
Here’s the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Chuck-Klosterman-IV-Curious-Dangerous/dp/0743284887/ref=pd_sim_b_5/103-3147617-4613409?ie=UTF8
Some great points are raised of course:
1.) I swear to God I was going to write something similar about Britney vs. Christina myself
2.) So true about Lou Reed
3.) I think I side with both of them regarding the Rolling Stones if that’s possible.
But most importantly, after watching the interview, click on the link for his music recommendations. Read it not so much for the recommendations themselves but for how ridiculously well written they are. I guarantee you Dostoevsky couldn’t have written a list of music recommendations that well.
*Until next time…live free or die
