My junior year of college Eliot Spitzer was that year's commencement speaker. At the time I had only a vague idea of who he was, but his speech was so inspiring, so intelligent, and delivered with such passion and humanity, that I declared then and there that I would vote for him in all future elections he was involved in. (Its worth noting that I had the exact opposite reaction to the speech given by my year’s commencement speaker, Hillary Clinton.) After going home and finding out more about Spitzer and his accomplishments I felt even more firm in my beliefs that this man was a bright shining hope in the world of politics. I thought, between Spitzer and Obama, the Democratic Party would be an unstoppable force for the next 10-20 years. When his brilliant and inspiring gubernatorial campaign commercials started airing I spent a considerable amount of time trying to design an Obama-Spitzer ’12 logo. Well now one half of my theoretical dream ticket is about to be forced to resign in a scandal that, frankly, even I can’t defend. This wasn’t a witch-hunt and this wasn’t the media making something out of nothing. Spitzer did the very thing he built his reputation crusading against - he broke the law. And it hurts.
My mom, who's a staunch Republican, sent me a taunting email after the story broke saying “now you should think twice about Obama”. And I have to say, that thought has crossed my mind today. In one week Hillary got me to start losing hope in the idea of hope and now Spitzer has me questioning the very existence of genuine goodness. So all in all, not a great week. Existentially speaking.
I know in this day and age I really shouldn’t be so surprised. Maybe I was being too naïve and idealistic. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten so attached, so emotionally invested in something that was ultimately always going to leave disappointed in some way. And maybe I should stop talking about Eliot Spitzer like we were dating. But that’s how much this hurts.
I feel like such a fool now for getting involved in the first place. For buying what he was selling. I feel played and used and a little dirty. But it’s not just the betrayal. And its not just now and forever losing the moral high ground (although that REALLY stings). Its that something I loved and was passionate about and that brought me joy and happiness is over, forever, and there’s nothing that can ever happen to make it right again. Thats the worst part.
And now sadly next time I wont be so trusting, I wont be so invested, I wont throw myself into things so wholeheartedly and with such abandon. And I hate that. I hate having my cynicism justified. And I hate that the fact that Eliot Spitzer hired a prostitute has me hating the world. For those who say politics doesn’t matter, I say I envy you, I really do. But for those of us who still don’t know better, and foolishly think that one person can change the world, this feels like when Ralphie found out that Annie’s secret messages were really just ads for Ovaltine. Only 500 times worse.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go eat a pint of ice cream and listen to depressing music.
And maybe pour out a 40 on the curb for idealism.
That’s just how I roll.
