30. “We Found Love” at the Brit Awards
Questions:
Have I not been giving Rihanna enough credit?
Have we all not?
Is this what raves are like?
Is this what dubstep is like?
Is this the solution to all the world’s problems? More dubstep raves?
It would appear so.
In that case...DUBSTEP RAVES 2013!
Also, why are all award show performances not like this?
29. Adele at the Grammys
Answer: Because some awards show performances are like this.
I never actually watched this show which is something I never thought I would say about a Ricky Grevais project. But this one just seemed like a half-hearted attempt to redo Extras and I don’t need a poor man's Extras. Watched Extras, loved Extras, but I’m all good thanks. For five glorious minutes though Lifes Too Short was better than anything Extras ever produced. Yes, including the Ian McKellan bit.
Also, how did Liam Neeson not win an Emmy for this? Or did he? I really don’t know. But this is probably his finest work. Suck it Schindler’s List.
28. Kristen Bell’s sloth story on Ellen
Before watching this I had absolutely no opinion on Kristen Bell. In fact I wasn’t entirely certain that she wasn’t Kristen Chenowith. But now I know exactly who she is – she’s the greatest person on Earth.
(And who said talk shows were a dying relic, a vestigial
limb from woebegone entertainment industry age? Oh, everyone? Okay then…)
26. fun. – “Stars”
I have a new answer for the question “what kind of music
do you like”. And that answer is “Stars” by fun. Or more generally speaking, seven minute long Elton John-inspired ELO songs made by Kanye worshipping musical theater nerds. All of those songs.
A friend of mine once said that their favorite song was
“Scenes From An Italian Restaurant” because “you get three songs for the price
of one.” And there’s an element of that in my love of this song certainly. But still, all I know is that if I had heard this song at age 16 it
would have blown my mind off. I would have gotten it tattooed on my face. Even
at 30 I can’t fully believe it exists and I didn’t make it.
As with the shins and Phoenix before them I’ll gladly
take down my “First!” flag with regards to fun. (I had a conversation about fun. with a friend the
day BEFORE their FIRST EVER live appearance together as a band) and cede
ownership of them to the masses for the greater
good of the band and all mankind. So while this song is mine, it’s also
everyone else’s.
But mostly it’s mine.
25. Searching for Sugar Man
This is why fact is better than fiction. Because there's no way you could make up this story if you tried. And if you somehow did there's no way it's climax could provoke as emotional a reaction from the viewer as the real thing does. I'd love to say more, but the less you know about this music documentary going in the better. Just know you wont have seen a more unbelievable story in a long long time.
(Semi-pseudo-spoiler: If you have seen the movie, or know the story, then I'd just like to add that one of my main thoughts is that with how interconnected the world is today a story like this one wouldn't be possible anymore. And if this story had instead unfolded the way it would today, would that have been a better or a worse thing for all involved? It's really hard to say.)
24. Girls
What is there left to say about Girls? No seriously, because whatever there is left to say I’d like to say it. If you take all the articles about Girls off the Internet there’d be nothing left but cat videos and pictures of Ryan Gosling, and yet I still feel like we should be talking about this show more. I could talk til the end of days and still not be satisfied. Because this show isn’t just perfectly in my wheelhouse it’s in my Hearst Castle surrounded floor to ceiling with nothing but my wheels.
Let me just say though that with all the talk about this
show the one thing I don’t hear near enough is how good Allison Williams is. “Revelation” feels too minor. Tour de force doesn’t really capture
it. All I know is that she should win all the Emmys ever. And then Lena Dunham
should win all the rest.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to look into the legality
of human/TV show marriage. Because I’m in love with Girls.
23. Anne Hathaway in Les Miz
My best friend adamantly believes that Anne Hathaway is the best actress of her generation. It's one of those statements that sounds crazy until you realize that it's totally not. Who else could, in the same year, be by far the best thing in both a Batman movie and Les Miz. And be as heartbreaking and unglamorous in one as they are sexy and funny in the other. Anne's "I Dreamed a Dream" will not only win her an Oscar, but it also got her officially named Prom Queen of Theater Camp. So step off haterz, cuz I'm ride or die Team Hathaway.
22. "Caine's Arcade"
23. Anne Hathaway in Les Miz
My best friend adamantly believes that Anne Hathaway is the best actress of her generation. It's one of those statements that sounds crazy until you realize that it's totally not. Who else could, in the same year, be by far the best thing in both a Batman movie and Les Miz. And be as heartbreaking and unglamorous in one as they are sexy and funny in the other. Anne's "I Dreamed a Dream" will not only win her an Oscar, but it also got her officially named Prom Queen of Theater Camp. So step off haterz, cuz I'm ride or die Team Hathaway.
22. "Caine's Arcade"
This is the anti-"Kony 2012". A simple issue, a simple task, enormous sized joy and good. The world is indisputably better by mere virtue of this video’s existence. No further action required. And it’s exactly the kind of thing we should be using the Internet for.
More things like this please, Internet People.
(Stick with it, it's not what it seems like at first)
20. Twitter's response to Clint Eastwood at the Republican convention
Continuing the theme of great things from the Internet, we now have the answer to one of the great questions of our lives: what would it have been like if twitter had existed when Dick Cheney shot that man in the face? Only this was even better because it lasted longer and unfolded in real time. It was the original "premiere of Liz and Dick" only more meaningful and universal (all words in this paragraph are being used loosely). It was twitter's finest hour. And it was the crowning achievement of my generation.
Our grandparents may have defeated the Nazis, but we made perfectly crafted jokes in 140 characters or less about those very same grandparents. Suck it Ghost of Hitler! #greatestgeneration
19. Episodes 4-13 Of Mad Men season 5
After starting out slow, season 5 of the second-greatest
TV show of all time went on one of the greatest run of episodes television has ever seen. Nearly
every week the episode would end and I would think “that was the best episode Mad Men has ever done” only to feel the exact same way the very next week.With all due respect to Breaking Bad, a show I dearly love (because I am a human being with a brain), what separates Mad Men from the other Sub-Wire Greats is that it’s actually about something. And not just "selling meth will corrupt you", or “the mafia is a metaphor for America” but about us. All of us here in America. Our shared past. Our social structures. Our morality, our aging, and our lives. In the past few weeks alone I’ve referred to someone as “his Meghan”, wondered out loud if my experience of listening to dubstep is what Don felt when he heard “Tomorrow Never Knows”, and compared Mitt Romney’s failed presidential campaign to Joan Holloway.
Because of Mad Men I can never look at the past the same
way. Which means I can never look at the present the same way. Or the future. Which means I’ll
always expect Mad Men to hit the same heights in did the last half of season 5.
So good luck Matthew Weiner.
18. FUDS menu
I’m often prone to hyperbole but I feel confident that
this is not one of those times: I have never laughed harder at anything in my
life than I laughed (and continue to laugh) at the FUDS menu. I laughed so hard
I couldn’t see straight. I laughed so hard I was actually falling out of my chair. I
laughed so hard I had to stop reading several times because it was hurting too
much. I literally couldn’t take it. If I could travel back in time to do one
thing, I wouldn’t stop the Holocaust, I would read the FUDS menu again for the first time.
This is the Citizen Kane of 21st century menu parodies. This. Is. Comedy.18. FUDS menu
It’s everyone’s favorite after-school-program-produced snack-referencing hip-hop uber-hit!
I know it’s been said ad-nauseum at this point, but the
rapping on this thing is so good it almost feels like HAS to be ghost-written.
Yet it’s so clearly authentically from a tween’s perspective that there’s no
doubt it wasn’t.
But seriously, lines like “I’m on point like an elbow/hands
red like Elmo” and “boatloads of them skittles starburst fritos and Doritos/but
nothing can compare to the H-O-T Cheetos” and “I look and I said ‘no ma’am’/I
go HAM in the grocery store”? Rick Ross hasn’t ever written anything even half as
good as any of those and he "scoop Emmy winners like kitty litter".
Mr. Holland only wishes his kids could produce an opus like this.
16. Usian Bolt
One of my earliest clear memories is of watching the 1988 Summer Olympics. And yet I recently had to Wikipedia who exactly Jackie Joyner Kersee was. In the summer of 1996 my life revolved around the Atlanta Olympics, yet I recently couldn’t recall what events Michael Johnson ran. And although I watched every night of coverage of the Sydney Olympics I was legitimately stunned to read that Nastia Lukin won overall gold that year and not Shawn Johnson. The point is that even being the best of the best at something that the whole world watched, being an icon, being a national sporting hero doesn’t mean you’ll be remembered very long. But I know with absolute certainty I’ll remember everything about Usain Bolt until my dying day.
Usain Bolt is why we sit through the millions (billions?)
of hours of often boring and meaningless and forgettable sporting events. So
that every once in awhile we will see perfection. See a human being do
something that literally leaves us speechless. See something that we know we
will never see again and will remember always. Usain Bolt makes it all worth
it.
Perhaps the greatest thing I can say about Usain Bolt is
not that when faced with the greatest 100m final field of all time there was
absolutely no doubt he would win, or that no one in history has ever made
greatness look so effortless, or that he made winning one race seem like a much
bigger deal than winning the most medals in Olympic history. It’s that I and
every other non-Jamaican on the planet were/are such big Usain Bolt that
we were actively rooting for him against our own countries. If one of the US
sprinters had beaten him I would have actually been angry with them, not proud.
I doubt we’ll
ever have that experience again in our lifetimes. Which is the very sentence
that keeps us watching sports. So thanks Usain Bolt. We’re now all off in
search of our next fix.
Speaking of which…
15. Linsanity
Now that it's over, maybe we’ll run into each
other at a party, Linsanity and us, and it will seem strange that we were ever together. Like some half
remembered dream that happened to someone else. But we’ll reminisce about old
times and smile, because those were the days weren't they? And no matter
what else might pass between us we’ll always have the Laker game.
14. Mark Harris' "Oscarmetrics" columns for GrantlandOne of my favorite writers writing for my favorite website on my absolute favorite topic? It’s shockingly not too good to be true.
In an alternate reality writing this exact column is the
exact job I have, only I don’t do it half as well. I would be mad at Mr. Harris for stealing so many thoughts straight out of my head, if only they
weren’t so enjoyable to read. Plus, I beat him in Oscar predictions so it all
evens out.
This is the sound of speeding down a nearly empty freeway, either heading to or coming from an epic night out.
It’s the sound of The Hold Steady covering an Andrew
WK song.
12. "Eye of the Sparrow: A Bad Lip Reading of the First 2012 Presidential Debate"
This shouldn't be on the Internet; this should be in an art museum.
11. Bobby Cannavale on Boardwalk Empire
Sometimes I feel like I'm living in an alternate reality from everyone else. Watching Boardwalk Empire is one of those times. I watch Boardwalk Empire and I see a perfectly crafted, well written, expectly acted show that's only the slightest step down from the Greatest TV Drama Mount Rushmore level. And yet the world at large treats Boardwalk Empire like an empty, unremarkable slog that no one cares about. And I, for the life of me, cant figure out how I and the world at large are watching the same show.
Never has that been more clear than in the case of Bobby Cannavale. In a cast full of great actors Bobby Canavale burst onto the scene this year and from his first appearance on screen towered over all of them with a Pacino-in-his-prime intensity. I thought no actor alive could top the dearly departed Michael Pitt, but Bobby Cannavale made me forget he even existed. Watching Bobby Cannavale this year I saw a superstar giving one of the all-time great TV performances. And yet his mainstream buzz was minimal at best. Just like the show itself.
Wake up people. The new Sopranos is happening in front of you and you're looking right through it.
10. SNL - "Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney"
Another case of "Are We Watching The Same Thing?". I've seen multiple "Best Of 2012 SNL" lists and this sketch hasnt been on any of them. But to me it's clearly and indispuatbly one of the best post-More Cowbell sketches the show has done. There's nothing about it that's not perfect.
I’m always a sucker for earnest white person covers of hip hop songs, but this is a whole ‘nother level. I’ve watched this far more than any other YouTube clip this year, and yet no matter how many times I watch it, when the crowd all yells “Beastie Boys” together it gets me every time. Every single time. It’s magic and it’s Coldplay’s finest moment and it’s the best MCA tribute that will ever exist.
Thank you Chris Martin.
8. Felix Baumgartner
The most 2012 thing to happen in 2012 is that a man jumped from outer space. A MAN JUMPED FROM OUTER SPACE. We may not have flying cars or hoverboards, but a man jumped from outer space and we watched it live on the internet. Welcome to the future.
7. PSY - “Gangnam Style”
Looking back, it was quite the year for
YouTube-fueled pseudo-novelty pop song phenomenons. Or maybe that’s
just how the music industry works now. Perhaps, at long last, video finally HAS
killed the radio star.
I’ve often made the case the lyrics don’t really matter.
I mean good ones can enhance a song, obviously. But so can a good sax solo. And
bad lyrics can ruin a song, as every Black Eyed Peas song ever can attest. But
really, they don’t matter all that much. And Exhibit A in defense of that
theory is “Gangnam Style”, a song with exactly four English words, which was
nevertheless a huge hit.
Pretty crazy that one of the biggest new pop stars of
2012 was a 31 year old slightly pudgy very average looking South Korean guy.
It’s almost like ANYONE can be famous these days…
(If at this late date you're still interested in further reading on "Gangnam Style" this article from the Atlantic is
pretty great: "Gangnam Style, Dissected: The Subversive Message Within South Korea's Music Video Sensation")
6. The processing scene in The Master
The movie itself was kind of a mess. A lot of sound and fury signifying what I'm not quite sure. But it was worth the price of admission and then some for the acting in this scene alone. Philip Seymour Hoffman is the best non-Daniel Day-Lewis actor alive, and he's at the apex of his powers here. And Joaquin Phoenix transcends classifications like "good" or "not good" and operates in this scene on a level where I actually fear that he himself is mentally not well. Like the eternal question - "would you want to be able to paint like Van Gogh if it meant that you would be so unhappy and unstable that you would cut off your own ear" - I almost don't know if I would want to be able to give Joaquin Phoenix's performance in this scene. Because being able to act that well would likely mean that I was insane. And I dont think any art is worth my sanity. But then I think about the scene again and it's so incredible that I think "maybe it would be worth it...". So while I cant say for sure whether his performance is "good" or not I can say that it makes me seriously question the value of sanity. And if that's not high praise then I don't know what is.
5. This is 40
Any money over zero dollars that this movie made was a minor miracle. It’s a comedy without “jokes”, it’s depressing and “slow”, and it’s target audience is like maybe 1,000 rich middle-aged couples who live on the west side of Los Angeles. Yet my main complaint was that it was too commercial. The whole time I kept wishing that Judd Apatow had had the balls to go all the way and completely do away with the concept of plot altogether. Plot is only holding him back at this point. He should release himself from it and fly free, before he has to veer back in a more conventional direction in order to make enough money to pay for his daughters’ sure-to-be-massive therapy bills. Which will be a shame because the more he alienates his audience, the more interesting his movies get. I’d rather watch forty This is 40s than one 40-Year-Old Virgin. I only wish it had been 40 times longer. I’m probably alone in that but whatever. If Judd Apatow is our Woody Allen this is his Manhattan. And I can’t wait for his Interiors.
Strangely Lincoln feels nothing like a Spielberg movie, yet it also totally does, in the absolute best way possible. Tony Kushner somehow beat Aaron Sorkin at his own game by writing the best episode of The West Wing ever made. Tommy Lee Jones somehow made me totally okay with him likely beating out a career-best Philip Seymour Hoffman performance for an Oscar. And Daniel Day-Lewis was somehow, improbably, able to make "Daniel Day-Lewis playing Abraham Lincoln" even better than "Daniel Day-Lewis playing Abraham Lincoln" sounds on paper. Is Daniel Day-Lewis the greatest film actor of all time? Is that a legitimate question? Or is it not even a question any more?
The movie itself was kind of a mess. A lot of sound and fury signifying what I'm not quite sure. But it was worth the price of admission and then some for the acting in this scene alone. Philip Seymour Hoffman is the best non-Daniel Day-Lewis actor alive, and he's at the apex of his powers here. And Joaquin Phoenix transcends classifications like "good" or "not good" and operates in this scene on a level where I actually fear that he himself is mentally not well. Like the eternal question - "would you want to be able to paint like Van Gogh if it meant that you would be so unhappy and unstable that you would cut off your own ear" - I almost don't know if I would want to be able to give Joaquin Phoenix's performance in this scene. Because being able to act that well would likely mean that I was insane. And I dont think any art is worth my sanity. But then I think about the scene again and it's so incredible that I think "maybe it would be worth it...". So while I cant say for sure whether his performance is "good" or not I can say that it makes me seriously question the value of sanity. And if that's not high praise then I don't know what is.
5. This is 40
Any money over zero dollars that this movie made was a minor miracle. It’s a comedy without “jokes”, it’s depressing and “slow”, and it’s target audience is like maybe 1,000 rich middle-aged couples who live on the west side of Los Angeles. Yet my main complaint was that it was too commercial. The whole time I kept wishing that Judd Apatow had had the balls to go all the way and completely do away with the concept of plot altogether. Plot is only holding him back at this point. He should release himself from it and fly free, before he has to veer back in a more conventional direction in order to make enough money to pay for his daughters’ sure-to-be-massive therapy bills. Which will be a shame because the more he alienates his audience, the more interesting his movies get. I’d rather watch forty This is 40s than one 40-Year-Old Virgin. I only wish it had been 40 times longer. I’m probably alone in that but whatever. If Judd Apatow is our Woody Allen this is his Manhattan. And I can’t wait for his Interiors.
4. Lincoln
Movies never live up to the hype. But sometimes they do. Sometimes they exceed all expectations.Strangely Lincoln feels nothing like a Spielberg movie, yet it also totally does, in the absolute best way possible. Tony Kushner somehow beat Aaron Sorkin at his own game by writing the best episode of The West Wing ever made. Tommy Lee Jones somehow made me totally okay with him likely beating out a career-best Philip Seymour Hoffman performance for an Oscar. And Daniel Day-Lewis was somehow, improbably, able to make "Daniel Day-Lewis playing Abraham Lincoln" even better than "Daniel Day-Lewis playing Abraham Lincoln" sounds on paper. Is Daniel Day-Lewis the greatest film actor of all time? Is that a legitimate question? Or is it not even a question any more?
Most importantly though, before I saw this movie I always thought Abraham Lincoln was overrated as a president. Now I think he might be one of the greatest and most interesting human beings who ever lived.
The power of drama at its finest.
The power of drama at its finest.
3. Kanye ft. Big Sean and Jay-Z - "Clique"
By Kanye standards, it wasnt a huge year for Kanye, but nevertheless "Clique" is a worthy winner of this year's "Best Thing By Kanye West Of The Year" slot on my year end countdown
2. The Daily Show, 11/15/2012
And the winner of this year's annual "Best Thing By The Daily Show of The Year" award is this!
1. “Call Me Maybe”
Lastly....
It’s a "Call Me Maybe" world, we just live in it. It’s a world in which we are now subservient to our Canadian musical overlords (lordesses?). A world where Carly Rae Jepsen’s #occupyyoureardrums movement united the 99% in a show of solidarity not seen since “Hey Ya” (btw, in this case the 1% was deaf people). Resistance was futile. And also un-American-Canadian. It’s a world where a mainstream pop song was the biggest thing to happen to the Internet since cats. It’s a world I never want to not live in. And I know that from here on out whenever I hear “Call Me Maybe” it will always be 2012.
Hey Carly Rae, you got the ability to single-handedly revive mono-culture? Well, then call me definitely.
