Who gives a damn about a Grammy? Other than Chance the Rapper hopefully no one. But what I DO give a damn about is the Grammys telecast. It’s great! Sometimes for the wrong reasons, but whatever! I love watching it. So, as always, here are some thoughts on each of this years performances:
Adele (Hello)
“Heeeellllooooooo from 12 months ago” - Adele
Nothing like showing how you have your finger on the pulse of music like starting your music awards show out with a song from 2015. Keep up the good work Grammys!
James Cordon opening
James Cordon is the best case scenario for a musical theater kid.
The Weeknd
The Weeknd is the best case scenario for selling out.
Also, The Weeknd is great in any situation, but definitely the situation The Weeknd is best in is when Drake cancels on your awards show last minute.
Keith Urban/Country Music Barbie
Is this country music is now??? If so I guess it’s true what they say: one generation’s dance-influenced guitar pop is the next generation’s country music.
Either that or genre is now officially dead.
Ed Sheeran
Fun game I like to play: Former Harry Potter Actor or Ed Sheeran
Fun fact that is definitely true: No one over the age of 26 can name a single Ed Sheeran song
Fun thing to watch on The Grammys: Not this performance
Lukas Graham/Kelsea Ballerini
It’s been fun not knowing you Kelsea Ballerini. Best of luck with everything.
HOT TAKE SO HOT THAT IT’S ON FIRE: “7 Years” is a good song and I enjoy it.
(Feels good to get that off my chest)
Beyonce
In retrospect Destiny’s Child is the most fitting name possible for a young-Beyonce fronted group. This Beyonce is where the last 20 years of popular music have been building to. If 1998 Lauryn Hill, 2008 Lady Gaga, and 2010 Kanye had a daughter, that daughter would want to be 2016/17 Beyonce when she grows up.
Having the platform, permission, vision, and talent to give this performance is really the final level possible of popular artistic success. Clearly Beyonce is there and it’s awesome to see. But mostly I just enjoy how Solange Beyonce is now.
Bruno Mars
Bruno Mars paradoxes:
-Bruno Mars remains somehow both incredibly overrated and incredibly underrated at the same time.
-Bruno Mars is one of the most charismatic performers in history, yet also somehow has no discernible personality.
-Pretty much everyone would agree that a Bruno Mars concert seems like it would be awesome, yet I doubt there’s a single person I know who would ever actually want to go to one.
Bruno Mars remains a great live performer and an even greater enigma, and the Earth will now die and crash into the sun before The Grammys will ever again happen without a Bruno Mars performance.
Katy Perry
I don't know if its acceptable to ironically love Katy Perry yet or not, but regardless, I audibly expressed excitement when her performance was introduced. Listening to new Katy Perry singles is my heroin. I know I’ll never get back that original high of “Teenage Dream” but I’m addicted to trying anyway. It just makes me feel so good inside. And it will somehow probably lead to my death.
Also, how quietly Katy Perry is winning the Perry/Swift civil war is so Katy Perry. And as much as I like Taylor Swift I’m gonna be one of the first people off the boats at Normandy
Gary Clark Jr.
Gary, you're great and I'm sure that was lovely, but I gotta be honest, I was still Perry drunk for your whole performance.
Alicia Keys/Maren Morris
I feel like we as a society have failed Alicia Keys. She’s some parallel universe’s Beyonce.
And I had no real idea who Maren Morris was coming into tonight but I have a strong feeling her album sales just picked up significantly. So way to Ricky Martin that thing Maren!
Adele (George Michael tribute)
In an existential twist, messing up made that way better than it would have been had everything gone according to plan. (Wake up sheep! Adele’s Sound Issues were an inside job!)
And the in-the-moment confusion over how much of Adele’s post-song emotion was about George Michael and how much was about the restart is why there's still nothing quite like watching live TV.
Lady Gaga/Metallica
Wow Lady Gaga’s country phase sure just took a dramatic turn.
Pretty sure Lady Gaga is the first person to perform on the Grammys with both Metallica and Tony Bennett, but I’ll have to check on that. All I know is I’m looking forward to next year when she performs with Wu-Tang Clan.
Sturgill Simpson
Dwight Yoakum introducing Sturgill Simpson feels even more on the nose than Beyonce being introduced by her own mother.
After that performance Sturgill Simpson easily retains his title as My All-Time Favorite Live Performer That I Had Never Even Heard of Two Months Ago. Also there's literally nothing in life The Dap-Kings don’t make better.
The Bee Gees Tribute
I know that literally no one in the world needed or wanted that, but hey, good news, Little Big Town covering “How Deep Is Your Love” is now the official theme song of CBS. So there’s that.
A Tribe Called Quest and Friends
My review
1st Half: ….honestly? Kind of a mess.
2nd Half: ALL THE FIRE EMOJIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you kick it? I’m pretty sure you just did. The ONLY bright side to the next four years is the hope that we might get to experience even more shit like that.
Prince Tribute
Bruno Mars and The Time doing the Grammys' Prince Tribute is the occam’s razor of Prince tributes. It also feels like the last word. Although I also think we’d all be totally fine with just continuing to do Prince tributes forever.
Chance the Rapper
There was a 100% chance that was going to be transcendently great and indeed it was. I don’t believe in God, but Chance the Rapper is so great that he makes me think that I do.
John Legend/Cynthia Erivo
HOT TAKE SO HOT IT CAN MELT STEEL BEAMS: I’m over awards shows doing solemn In Memoriam segments.
Neil Portnow
NEIL PORTNOW BITCHES!!!!! James Cordon thought he could upstage Neil Portnow with his Neil Portnow intro but NOTHING CAN UPSTAGE NEIL PORTNOW!
NEIL PORTNOW BITCHES!!!!! James Cordon thought he could upstage Neil Portnow with his Neil Portnow intro but NOTHING CAN UPSTAGE NEIL PORTNOW!
Real talk: At this point I legitimately don’t know if my excitement about Neil Portnow is even ironic anymore. This is my cry for help.
The fact that The Grammys ended the performance section of the night with In Memoriam and Neil Portnow
#ThatsSoGrammy
