Dear Judd Apatow,
I have a story for you.When “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” premiered in the summer of 1999, as you may recall, it got huge ratings and was a national phenomenon. Everyone loved it. I mean how could you not like it? It was trivia, money and Regis Philbin? That’s like not liking puppies, rainbows and Chipotle burritos. One of the things that made it such a beloved phenomenon though was its schedule. It was aired for several consecutive nights and then went away to be unheard from for a while, until it would magically appear again for a week or so and then once again disappear. This cycle repeated until January of 2000 when ABC added it to the schedule full time as a several night a week show. Even as a teenager at the time I remember thinking, “that doesn’t seem like a very smart idea.” And sure enough, as almost anyone with even a half a brain could have predicted, within a year what once had been the most popular show on television was off the air altogether. Ever since then whenever someone or something so clearly oversaturates the marketplace in such a clearly detrimental manner I call it “pulling a Millionaire”. Now you could of course simply call it “too much of a good thing”, but I think “pulling a Millionaire” is something slightly different. When someone is “pulling a Millionaire” its quite clear to people outside the situation what’s bound to happen, but yet due to greed, hubris, or just plain shortsightedness, the entities involved seem quite oblivious to what they are doing. Like how as a 16 year old I could clearly see that airing Millionaire three nights a week every week would kill the series, but highly paid executives whose jobs it was to understand the television medium could somehow think this was a good idea. Oftentimes though, when you’re so “inside” a phenomenon like that it’s hard to see the forest for the trees. And that’s why I have a message today for you: STOP!
Stop putting your name on every piece of crap anyone you have ever met is even remotely involved with. Stop having seven movies with your name on them coming out in a year and a half. And stop being such a lenient judge of quality. You’re devaluing your brand and oversaturating the marketplace. Do you know nothing about human nature? Let me fill you in on two fundamental truths:
1.) Backlashes are inevitable
2.) What goes up must come down (I believe Newton said something similar)
And now with the Internet those things are infinitely more true.
So please I’m begging you, for your own good, cut it out.
Look, Freaks and Geeks is one of the greatest shows of all time and Undeclared is pretty great too, but you know what one of the main reasons they’re so great is? They only lasted one season. You told the stories you wanted to tell and then got out before anyone had a chance to get sick of them. Plus since they were never overly popular no one felt the need to try and knock them down a level.
(As a side note, I firmly believe that no TV show should be allowed to last more than two seasons unless each episode is entirely 100% self contained - Seinfeld, Law & Order, etc. - or the creators can make a convincing case from day one as to why it should last longer – Lost. This will never happen because the networks are too greedy, but name one series that doesn’t meet one of those two criteria that wouldn’t have been better served by only lasting two seasons. You can’t do it. I will argue this to the death. And you don’t have to take my words for it. Ask Dave Chappelle and/or the BBC if you don’t believe me. (As a second side note, this is why I’m never investing myself in a David Chase series ever again. But that’s a whole other rant…))
Now on one level I completely get it. You were a dorky unattractive guy your whole life and now you're rich, popular and everyone loves you. It goes to your head and you want more of it. I understand. But, there are few things more self-destructive than a dorky guy who starts getting too popular. The examples of this phenomenon are endless. And that’s why it’s even more important for someone to save you from yourself. And so I’m taking that job on myself.
I firmly believe you’re a good guy with good things to say. You have an increadable gift for mixing humor with heart without sacrificing one for the other. You make mainstream comedies and yet are a critics darling. And I vehemently stand by the statement that Knocked Up was the Graduate of our generation. But you’re already starting to piss it all away. Your box office is declining. The backlash is beginning. The charges that you’re latently misogynistic are starting to gain real traction. And your first movie came out only two and half years ago, yet people are already able to write things like this. (Which is funny because it’s painfully true. Much like your comedy itself)
So take a lesson from Paul Thomas Anderson, Daniel Day-Lewis, Radiohead and many others. Don’t just pump out product because you want to get your friends jobs. Only put your name on something when you really truly believe in it. And limit how much that is. That way the name “Judd Apatow” still stands for something and has value. And for the love of all things holy, give Linda Cardellini another role already. The fact that you haven’t already is a real disgrace.
Stop putting your name on every piece of crap anyone you have ever met is even remotely involved with. Stop having seven movies with your name on them coming out in a year and a half. And stop being such a lenient judge of quality. You’re devaluing your brand and oversaturating the marketplace. Do you know nothing about human nature? Let me fill you in on two fundamental truths:
1.) Backlashes are inevitable
2.) What goes up must come down (I believe Newton said something similar)
And now with the Internet those things are infinitely more true.
So please I’m begging you, for your own good, cut it out.
Look, Freaks and Geeks is one of the greatest shows of all time and Undeclared is pretty great too, but you know what one of the main reasons they’re so great is? They only lasted one season. You told the stories you wanted to tell and then got out before anyone had a chance to get sick of them. Plus since they were never overly popular no one felt the need to try and knock them down a level.
(As a side note, I firmly believe that no TV show should be allowed to last more than two seasons unless each episode is entirely 100% self contained - Seinfeld, Law & Order, etc. - or the creators can make a convincing case from day one as to why it should last longer – Lost. This will never happen because the networks are too greedy, but name one series that doesn’t meet one of those two criteria that wouldn’t have been better served by only lasting two seasons. You can’t do it. I will argue this to the death. And you don’t have to take my words for it. Ask Dave Chappelle and/or the BBC if you don’t believe me. (As a second side note, this is why I’m never investing myself in a David Chase series ever again. But that’s a whole other rant…))
Now on one level I completely get it. You were a dorky unattractive guy your whole life and now you're rich, popular and everyone loves you. It goes to your head and you want more of it. I understand. But, there are few things more self-destructive than a dorky guy who starts getting too popular. The examples of this phenomenon are endless. And that’s why it’s even more important for someone to save you from yourself. And so I’m taking that job on myself.
I firmly believe you’re a good guy with good things to say. You have an increadable gift for mixing humor with heart without sacrificing one for the other. You make mainstream comedies and yet are a critics darling. And I vehemently stand by the statement that Knocked Up was the Graduate of our generation. But you’re already starting to piss it all away. Your box office is declining. The backlash is beginning. The charges that you’re latently misogynistic are starting to gain real traction. And your first movie came out only two and half years ago, yet people are already able to write things like this. (Which is funny because it’s painfully true. Much like your comedy itself)
So take a lesson from Paul Thomas Anderson, Daniel Day-Lewis, Radiohead and many others. Don’t just pump out product because you want to get your friends jobs. Only put your name on something when you really truly believe in it. And limit how much that is. That way the name “Judd Apatow” still stands for something and has value. And for the love of all things holy, give Linda Cardellini another role already. The fact that you haven’t already is a real disgrace.
Follow all this advice and there's hope for your empire yet. Otherwise prepare to join the Greeks, the Romans, the British, the Americans, and the John Hughesians in the annals of ex-empires.
And THAT is my final answer.
Sincerely,
FredtheOnlineJournal
