Me, You and U2

“WHOOO! I am in LOVE! And it is aMAZing!” – Tom Cruise
“Maybe if you say it you’ll mean it”- Coldplay from “White Shadows” off X&Y


It’s everywhere. It’s taking over in fact. In every store and restaurant. At the gym and on the street. Even today at the post office the lady in front of me had her headphones turned up so loud I could hear it as I waited in line.

It’s Coldplay’s X&Y and it’s here to claim your summer.

In a sense it’s very exciting. I mean past summers have been owned by “Lean Back” and Sisquo, so it’s heartening that good music is actually threatening to dominate the summer. And while it’s disheartening that that’s so heartening, it’s nevertheless nothing but a good thing. And the fact that such a worthy band has achieved crossover universal appeal is outstanding. I mean I never thought there would be another straightforward rock band that would be beloved by people who don’t usually like rock. But Jay-Z, Timbaland, and, well, Timberlake, along with countless others, have all professed their love for Coldplay. It’s also very exciting to see a band become superstars right before my very eyes. I was starting to think there’d never be another band would achieve that kind of success. Another band that could claim to be “The Biggest” and at the same time “The Greatest” Rock and Roll Band in the world. A band that could sell out stadiums in minutes. A band that could cross cultural boundaries and be universally known and accepted.

A band like U2.

But Coldplay seems on the brink of doing just that. Becoming the “next U2”. Which is of course their stated goal. In case you couldn’t tell by listening to the album. Because listening to the album the fact that that is their goal is pretty obvious. For example, “Fix You” is the greatest U2 song U2 never wrote. Well except for the fact that they did and called it’s “Sometimes You Just Cant Make It On Your Own”. And it’s not just one song. The whole album, for all its merits, is a blatant attempt to be U2, and as Chris Maddox so accurately stated, the effort shows. The last two albums worked because they were Coldplay doing what they do. This album feels somewhat Cold because they are Playing at something. (Excuse the joke I almost made there.) But yet the album is selling like hotcakes and I suspect it will continue to do so. And so how their quest to be U2 plays out as they release “Talk” and “Fix You” to the airwaves in the coming months could be the story of the summer. For those into such things it’ll be fascinating to see what happens. In fact it could be the biggest thing going on this summer.

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In case you have been living in cave and in that cave you have no access to other people, television, radio, the internet, or any loose scrap of paper which might happen to be floating in the breeze then let me fill you in on the most important development in the history of man: Tom Cruise is insane. And he’s taking Katie Holmes with him. Wherever it is that he’s going exactly. Crazy Town perhaps. Cause they had that song that one time. Crazy Town did. It was about butterflies. But I digress. Point is, Tom Cruise is fucking nuts.

And I love it.

(And if you haven’t seen the Oprah footage for yourself and have only heard about it or seen still pictures of it I really cannot urge you strongly enough to go find it somewhere on the Internet and watch it for yourself. It’s even more astounding than you think. You really wont believe it.)

Now there are many things you could say about the whole Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes thing. And USA Today, The New York Times, Newsweek, Entertainment Weekly, Rolling Stone, the various succubae and pond-dwelling leeches who run US Weekly and People, and every website every created have all said most of them already. But still there are some things that could be delved into deeper. Like how this is now definitive proof Tom Cruise is gay (ask me to explain it to you and I will, but not right now). Or the significance of the fact that the biggest movie star of our generation has turned out to be absolutely insane. Or about how this all coinciding with the Michael Jackson verdict provides a startling and ironic comparison between the two biggest icons of the 80s and a look at the type of people America in the Reagan years chose to elevate to superstar status. But while I could make a whole article out of any one of these angles, it is another “angle” that is of more interest to me. Because while Tom Cruise’s insanity is clearly very real, his reasons for accidentally letting us see it are not. And unlike most people I am much more interested in his real insanity than in his fake relationship. And that’s where Russell Crowe comes in.

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Russell Crowe is the greatest actor working today. If you even want to try and argue with me I present you with the following list: “LA Confidential”, “The Insider”, “Gladiator”, “A Beautiful Mind”, “Master and Commander”, and “Cinderella Man”. There are two Oscars in that list (I refuse to acknowledge Denzel’s win in 2002) and there will soon be four nominations in there as well. Also, look at the diversity of characters he was able to play. And look at the quality of each of the movies (well except for “Gladiator” but I know I’m alone on that one) and realize that most of them would have mediocre at best with another actor in the lead. So the fact that with “Cinderella Man” he has now cemented his place as the greatest actor working today is pretty much not debatable. As such, it’s pretty much a given that he’s a little crazy. I mean lets look at past holders of the title “best actor working today” for proof:
Marlon Brando- I think this one’s pretty obvious but I do always like to tell the story about how he often would refuse to wear pants while filming “The Score” and would only refer to Frank Oz as Muppet Man.
Al Pacino- In case you missed “Salome” on Broadway or any of his awards show appearances from the past 5 years, he has completely lost it.
Robert DeNiro- By all accounts he is barely functional in social situations has as has been evidenced many times, has difficulty speaking in public.
Dustin Hoffman- At whatever old age he is, he still enjoys mooning people and farting in their faces.
Meryl Streep- She is a woman.

(more hate mail coming right about….NOW)

But anyway point is, as we all know, to be a truly great actor you have to be a little nuts. (Which explains why I am comparatively normal.) So it’s no surprise that Russell Crowe has the Renee Zellweger “I stare at the ground during the entire interview” thing going on a lot. And that he almost always comes off a bit awkwardly when doing anything other than acting. And that he also has a very bad temper. So maybe that why when he recently threw a phone at a hotel clerk who wouldn’t let him call his wife no one really seemed to notice. Oh sure it got some press for like a day, but no one was really too surprised and everyone moved on pretty quick. The public seemed to chalk it up to Russell being Russell and within a day were back obsessing over TomKat. TomKat was clearly the story that was much more interesting. But why? Why were people more fascinated by a clearly fake relationship than a real one? After all, everyone knows that TomKat is a publicity stunt and that his Oprah appearance was all planned to some degree whereas Russell and his wife have an actual relationship and his throwing the phone throwing was very much spontaneous. Why were we more interested in someone who is “enacting” his version of love than in a guy who is being driven by his version of love to act? Why are we more interested in someone trying to convince us that they’re something they’re not rather than in someone who, try as they might, couldn’t help but be true to who they are? Maybe the answer is obvious, but maybe it also has something to do with the fact we’ve been listening to X&Y too much.

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Now before going on there are three important things to know.
1.) I think X/Y is a very good album and I like it a lot. So as with my articles about "Garden State", "Love Actually" and any number of other things I don’t want anyone to misinterpret this as I’m trashing the album. I criticize to make better, not because it’s not good in the first place. As you know, the flaws of something almost bother you more the more you like it.
2.) I’ve already used that dashed line trick far too many times and its really breaking up the flow of this thing.
3.) U2 is the defining band of our times.

So now that that’s all clear I’d like to elaborate on the third point. And that is that there hasn’t been in bigger band in our lifetimes. Michael Jackson, Madonna and Prince are all solo artists, no one has bought an R.E.M. or Pearl Jam record in 10 years, Nirvana only released two real studio albums, and one of them was deliberately designed to alienate mainstream audiences, and other than “Creep” there’s not a single Radiohead song the average person on the street would know. So there’s really no one who can even remotely challenge them. By almost all accounts and by nearly all lists of such things, “Joshua Tree” was the best album of the 80s, “Actung Baby” was one of the top 10 albums of the 90’s and “All That You Cant Leave Behind” is one of the top 10 albums of the 2000’s so far. No one, not even The Beatles or Led Zeppelin, has had that sort of long lasting and continuous artistic and commercial relevance. And this isn’t just my opinion. Ask anyone who is in charge of critiquing, ranking or talking about these sorts of things. Like Brandon Flowers, the lead singer of The Killers, and Mr. Brightside himself. Here’s what he had to say about it:

“The Beatles were the best, but they broke up after, like, six years. U2, it’s been the same four guys for 25 years and they’ve never put out a shitty album. What other band can you say that about? The Stones have put out some pretty shitty albums…plus what they’ve done is incredibly tough…It’s hard to pull off something that big and that sincere without being corny”.

And it’s the last point that is what makes U2 so great. While I could write for several hundred pages about what makes U2 special, it comes down to this: who else could proclaim themselves the greatest rock and roll band in the world, say “the purpose of our music is to change the world”, have a lead singer with an unabashed messiah complex, be as passionately over the top with their emotions in our current age of irony, and not only be able to pull it off without seeming cheesy, ridiculous, or annoying, but instead be the most popular band in the world as a result? No one. And best of all through everything U2 has remained true to themselves and never tried to be something they were not. No matter how over the top they get, that is truely who they are. And of course there was the Zoo TV and Zooropa tours, and the period when Bono became The Fly and then became MacPhisto, and then their “dance/electronica” phase in the 90’s. But even at their most self-aware and ironic their music never lost the underlying heart, passion and righteousness. And any period that produced songs like “One” can’t be accused of being emotionally detached. Plus during that stretch they were simply following their muse and being who they were at that phase in their musical development. They weren’t trying to “be” any other band and they weren’t doing it to try and necessarily sell more records. If anything, the 90’s were their least productive period commercially, but they stuck with their direction anyway because that’s who they were at that time.

Now of course I may feel more strongly about U2 than many people my age. I mean I am the person who defines my religious beliefs with the sentence “I don’t believe in God, but I do believe in Bono.” But maybe that’s the problem. Maybe we should all embrace real genuine emotion instead of playing at it. We should embrace U2 for being genunine and fault Coldplay for "tyring" to be genunine. We should embrace Russell Crowe for being real and fault Tom Cruise not for his real insanity but for the fake emotion that brought it out. But instead we often scoff at genuine emotion as being cheesy and cliché and embrace the imatation. We can’t deal with people who are too intense or too passionate or too “over the top”. Like Jack Nicholson said (to Tom Cruise ironically enough) we “can’t handle the truth”. So instead we are fascinated by TomKat, but scared of Tom Cruise. We embrace Coldplay for trying to be U2, but we ignore the fact that you cant "try" to be genunine. But even when we try to hide from it, some truth comes out. When Tom tried to act like he was in love, the truth of his insanity came out. When Coldplay tried to act like a big life-altering rock band, the truth of their “limitations” as a downbeat intimate band came to light. Truth and emotion always somehow find a way out. And so for every “Guero”, there’s a “Sea Change”. And for every “Being John Malkovich”, there’s an “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”. And for every thing that appeals to the “idea” of feelings there is something equivalent that appeals to the true feelings themselves. And that’s the art that truly lasts. And the people who are truly memorable. So we don’t need another band trying to “be” U2 or another actor trying to “act” all “crazy in love”. The real things will work just fine thank you. Unlike what U2 said, there’s nothing that’s “even better than the real thing”. And that’s why I wish more artists would stick to simply being who they truly are, for better or for worse. Stop with the safe answers and the image consultants and the plans on how to break through to the big time. We need more throwing phones and less publicity stunts that unintentionally backfire. So accept who you are and what you do, and put it all out there for us to see. And if it doesn’t sell or if it scares us off, well, hey, at least it’s real. And thats what I value. And so that’s why as someone who spends my life obsessing over pop culture I try to gravitate to the few things that are real about it.
And as such, I love uninhibited emotion not filtered by publicists or concerns about making money. I love the gossip about the unguarded moments. I love heartfelt passion. I love feeling the artist’s soul.

I love Tom Cruise's insanity.

I love Russell Crowe.

And Coldplay, I love U2.



Second Thought of the Week:
I VERY recently got Chuck Klosterman's new book "Killing Yourself to Live". I have never been more excited about anything in my entire life. And that is much less of an exageration than you think. I have yet to even read a whole page but its already my new favorite book. Here's why:
1.) The book jacket expalins the purpose of the book "He wanted to know why the greatest career move any musican can make is to stop breathing...and what that means for the rest of us." A sentence VERY similar to one I worte about John Lennon back in December.
2.) The first sentence of the book is "I am not qualified to live here"
3.) The subtitle of the book is "85% of a true story"
4.) Its been described as "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" only with narrative structure.
As those who have ever read "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs" or Spin Magazine know, Chuck Klosterman is my literary soul mate. More than Mcsweeneys or Bill Simmons this journal is intentionally/unintentionally modeled after Chuck. So if you at all enoy Fred, go buy Chuck.
Otherwise, youre not worth knowing.

Lists Mostly About Music

As you’ve probably noticed, me and VH1 have a lot in common. We both like music. We both love the 90’s. We’re both the bastard stepchildren of MTV. And we both like to make lists of things and rank them. And so I thought it would be fun to share this love of lists by making you read a bunch of pointless ones I came up with off the top of my head. Alcohol might or might not have also been involved. Plus I thought since me making lists was pretentious, self-involved, uninformative, not funny and required very little writing ability it would go in well with the rest of my entries. On the mr. brightside, this will be an entry you'll able to read in under an hour. So fire up your illegal downloading software, or if you are a massive loser, your iTunes music store, and prepare yourself for a bunch of lists (mostly) about music.

Top 3 & 1/2 Unanswered Questions About Music from the 90’s
1.) What exactly is it that the Backstreet Boys wanted and what way did they want it exactly?
2.) When Kurt Cobain said "I don’t have a gun, no I don't have a gun", was he lying? Because it sure seems like he was. Maybe his band mates shouldn’t have taken him at his word. Perhaps they also should have checked his attic
3.) But really, where WERE you while we were getting high?
3 & 1/2.) What the fuck was Michael Stipe talking about?

Top 3 & 1/2 Early Frontrunners for “Song of the Summer”
1.) “Talk” by Coldplay
2.) “I Predict A Riot” by The Kaiser Chiefs
3.) “Best of You” by Foo Fighters
3 & 1/2.) “Don’t Phunk With My Heart” by The Black Eyed Peas

Top 3 & 1/2 Responses to “Who’s There?”
1.) Banana
2.) Banana
3.) Banana
3 & 1/2.) Orange you glad I didn’t say banana again?

Top 3 & 1/2 Suggestions for Your Mix CD
1.) “Hot Black Silk” by Songs:Ohia
2.) “Lovers Spit” by Broken Social Scene
3.) “Too Young” by Phoenix
3 & 1/2.) “Biomusicology” by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists

Top 3 & 1/2 Sigur Ros Lyrics
1.) Sé sjálfan mig syngja fagnaðarerindið
2.) Ityoowoohoo
3.) Stari a ryðið sem vex á mér
3 & 1/2.) (silence)

Top 3 & 1/2 Albums From 2004 You Should Have But Probably Don’t
1.) Rilo Kiley- More Adventurous
2.) TV on the Radio- Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes
3.) The Arcade Fire- Funeral
3 & 1/2.) The Go Team!- Thunder, Lightning, Strike

Top 3 & 1/2 Kurt Cobain Lyrics
1.) “I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black”
2.) “Who needs actions when you got words?”
3.) “Rape me, my friend”
3 & 1/2.) “What else could I say? / Everyone is gay / What else could I write? / I don't have the right / What else should I be? / All apologies”

Top 3 & 1/2 Uses of a Pre-existing Song in a Movie
Note: trying to narrow this down was as hard as trying to come up with a decent analogy
1.) “Tiny Dancer” in Almost Famous
2.) “Ooh La La” in Rushmore
3.) “The Weight” in The Big Chill
3 & 1/2.) “In Your Eyes” in Say Anything… (I know, I know, how obvious, but I couldn’t leave it off)

Top 3 & 1/2 Thoughts Had While Watching the “Preshow Entertainment” at Loews
1.) I enjoy motion pictures.
2.) That Coke commercial about the guys making the documentary is the best thing I’ve seen in theaters all year. That is sad on so many levels.
3.) I can’t believe I’m even thinking this, but I kinda miss the Fanta girls.
3 & 1/2.) If you want to know why Jodie Foster has had a great career and Kate Hudson hasn’t, then you should compare Skeleton Key and Flightplan.

Top 3 & 1/2 Great Songs That Thru Their Association with a Tragedy Became Transcendent
1.) “Where The Streets Have No Name” (from the 2002 Superbowl Halftime)- 9/11
2.) “All Apologies”- Kurt Cobain’s suicide
3.) “Let It Be”- the breakup of the Beatles
3 & 1/2.) “Lets Get It On”- my prom night

Top 3 & 1/2 Songs on My Ipod That in Some Way Involve Male Royalty
1.) “Kings” by Steely Dan
2.) “Charlemagne in Sweatpants” by The Hold Steady
3.) “Richard III” by Supergrass
3 & 1/2.) “Paper Doll” by Louis XIV

Top 3 & 1/2 Ways Kanye West's Lyric "The Way School Need Teachers / The Way Kathie Lee Needed Regis / That's the Way I Need Jesus," Could Be Adapted for Other Religions. (Stolen from Mcsweeneys.net)
1.) Islam
The way Madonna need the Kabbalah / The way Skee-Lo needed more royalties from "I wish I was a li'l bit talla" / That the way I need Allah
2.) Shintoism
The way the Bush camp needed to find some WMDs / The way Scottish tourism needs the Hebrides / That how I need various "kami," nature deities
3.) Zoroastrianism
The way the troops need to come home from Basra / The way my friend Terry's dad needs his '96 Mazda / So, too, do I need a Mazda, except I am of course referring to Ahura Mazda, the single supreme god of Zoroastrianism
3 & 1/2.) Atheism
The way the Red Sox need the curse of Babe Ruth / The way Abraham Lincoln needed Booth / That's how much I need a deity of any sort / That is to say, not very much at all



Top 3 & 1/2 of the Week
1.) http://dutchwest.tv/
2.) The music from "In Good Company"
3.) Micheal Moore's The Awful Truth: Season Two, Episode 5 - "Ficus for Congress"
3 & 1/2.) RENT: the Movie anticipation
See the trailer: http://movies.channel.aol.com/franchise/exclusives/rent_movie


Thought of the Week:
Since we're now 4 episodes in, its safe to say that not only is Family Guy back but its better than ever. The Van Gough flashback a few weeks ago and the Hiroshima flashback this week were two of the finest moments in the show's history. Just astounding that show is. Sometimes its brillance makes my head hurt.