The release of a new Third Eye Blind album a few weeks back has presented a major problem for me. See I’m a Third Eye Blind. And not in a nostalgic ironic way. I like their new stuff. I subscribe to their newsletter and visit at least three different websites related to their music on a semi-regular basis. I have every song they’ve ever recorded plus enough bootlegs and live recordings to fill three CDs. So yeah, I’m a FAN. So why is this a problem? Because, well, because they’re Third Eye Blind.
Look, as I’ve said here previously I don’t really believe in guilty pleasures. If something gives you pleasure then why should you feel guilty about it? I still believe this strongly. And I know I really shouldnt care what others think. And about most things I dont. But if you were to ask me to name my favorite bands I can pretty much guarantee you that Third Eye Blind would never come up.
And that’s a problem. I think.
Quentin Tarantino got me thinking about this problem right around when the new Third Eye Blind album came out. He did an interview in which he named his favorite movies from the past 17 years and it’s a stunningly strange list that includes things like Anything Else, Unbreakable, and Speed. When you’re Quentin Tarantino you can do things like that. In fact it’s pretty much expected. But if he were an up and coming director who hadn’t made Pulp Fiction and was trying to be taken seriously in the film industry would he be as willing to argue in defense of Anything Else? Would that make his facebook page? I don’t know. Maybe he wouldnt care, but I do. I do care what infomation is out there about me. Because you know what happens when I meet someone new? I friend them on facebook and then I make judgments and assumptions about them based on the things they’ve chosen to list on their facebook page. And I’m not alone in this. We all do to some degree. Because in the facebook age our like and dislikes are more than just that; they’re cultural signifiers.
And that brings me back to Third Eye Blind. I always mention to strangers my love for the Beatles. Not only are they truly my favorite band, but they also have the added benefit of being completely safe and universally beloved. Loving the Beatles makes me look good without saying too much else. And once I know you better I’ll talk to you about U2. They’re obviously a much more divisive band, but what they are about is such a strong signifier of what I am about, that my love for them says a lot about where I am coming from in the world. It's significant to understanding me as a person to know that I’m a U2 fan. But Third Eye Blind will probably never ever come up. Not because I’m necessarily embarrassed by it or because I feel guilty about it, but because I know how it looks from the outside. What they signify to the outside world. It would seem to me the equivalent of someone saying to me that they were big fans of Smashmouth. And I know what I would think about that person. And I don’t want people to think those things about me. Because what Third Eye Blind fandom seems to signify in popular culture is not what I am about. My Third Eye Blind fandom doesn’t signify accurately who I am. I am not “Third Eye Blind Fan”. I mean, yes, technically I am, but saying that just obfuscates the message. I can pick all the members of TV on the Radio out of a lineup no sweat, I’ve would describe Dan Deacon as the best concert going experience of my life, and I love the new Dirty Projectors album. And all of these things would seem to be equally as important and unimportant to understanding who I am as a person as the Third Eye Blind thing. But yet the Third Eye Blind “thing” is the signifier that most people would latch onto. Because it’s the ways that we’re different from the norm of those around us that are of interest to those trying to get a handle on us. Liking Star Wars doesn’t really say much about you, other than that you’re alive and possibly male. But NOT liking Star Wars, or never having seen Star Wars, would seem to say a great deal about you. And it would say things that you might not want said if, say, you were looking to meet a bunch of sci-fi inclined movie-loving males.
And so when I meet cultured, intelligent, hip young New Yorkers I mention The Beatles and Radiohead and Stevie Wonder. And then later I’ll mention U2 and Kanye West. But much like how I say my favorite movies are Annie Hall and Almost Famous, while knowing deep down that if I had to chose one movie to take with me to a deserted island it would be Primary Colors, the truth is that I haven’t listened to anything other than the new Third Eye Blind album in the past three weeks.
That’s who I am.
And also it’s not.
I just can’t decide.
Showing posts with label U2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label U2. Show all posts
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Perhaps If You Handed Kanye Some Gold He Wouldnt Be Concerned About People Digging For It
Ah the Grammys - the one major award no one actually cares about besides me and Kanye West. And I feel like the only reason Kanye cares is because somehow he missed the memo that the Grammys aren’t a valid award and that white people could care less about them. Nevertheless I love (repeat: LOVE) to see someone like Kayne who cares so openly and abashedly about winning awards. So I wouldn’t dare miss my chance to root Kanye to victory and hopefully see some good performances along the way. And even though you didn’t watch the telecast and could care less about the whole thing, I’ve decided to share with you my thoughts I had while I watched it. Enjoy.
* If I had to use band name to describe the conditions in my apartment right now, I would definitely go with Hot Hot Heat.
* I wouldn’t so much call the Madonna/Gorillaz “collaboration” a collaboration, as much as I would call it The Gorillaz performing and then once they were finished performing, Madonna performing.
* Remember the band called Live? What would you say if you saw them live? “I saw Live live”? And wouldn’t “Live Live” be a great name for their live album? And if someone held a benefit concert to help raise money for them would it be called “Live Aid”? Just some things to think about.
* Good to see Tom Hanks out doing some early PR for his upcoming movie. The Da Vinci Code I believe it's called. With a weird title like that I think its gonna need all the publicity it can get.
* If I was black I think my dream girl would be Alicia Keys.
* If I was 12 I think my dream girl would be Kelly Clarkson. Then again when I was actually 12 my dream girl was Christina Ricci in Casper so who knows.
* Kelly Clarkson is singing a song other than “Since U Been Gone”? She HAS other songs besides “Since U Been Gone”? I don’t know how I feel about this. I do know how I would feel however if I was an American Idol winner who beat Paul McCartney for Best Pop Album. I wouldn’t accept it. I wouldn’t even consider accepting it. Also when I was thanking my competition I wouldn’t mention Sheryl Crow and Bonnie Raitt and yet NOT mention Paul McCartney who I should feel unworthy to even be in the same room as. But then again I’m not the voice behind “Since U Been Gone” so what do I know?
* No more comments about Kelly Clarkson I swear.
* Kelly Clarkson.
* Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
* Coldplay always seems a little off and awkward live. Kind of like Chris Martin’s new fro’.
* I get the impression that Ciara might be a woman of loose moral principles. Plus is the phrase “a poor man’s Beyonce” ever a good description to be able to use about someone?
* Has there ever been a less shocking revelation than Fantasia admitting she’s illiterate? That’s on par with Liberace admitting he’s gay.
* I really don’t think enough people were involved in the Sly Stone tribute. I was waiting for the kitchen sink to come out and do a song.
* I hate to rush to judgments on people, but I get the impression from his appearance and demeanor that Sly Stone might have engaged in a little recreational drug use in his youth. And by “his youth” I also mean “5 minutes before coming on stage”.
* While watching the Grammys it’s interesting to think about the fact that 50 Cent is sitting there listening to Bruce Springsteen. Or that Billie Joe Armstrong is sitting there listening to Faith Hill. Or that I’m sitting there listening to Sugarland.
* How was Kayne not nominated for Producer of the Year? He WAS the producer of the year. And yet somehow he wasn’t even NOMINATED? How is there not more outrage about this? Oh yeah, that’s right, no one else cares about the Grammys.
* Herbie Hancock and Christina Aguilerra together at last! Finally, the collaboration America has been clamoring for has happened! Speaking of late 90’s pop stars, I think its time for my annual ridiculous early Grammy prediction for next year. And it is this – Justin Timberlake’s new album will be nominated for Album of the Year. And keep in mind this prediction is coming from the same person who predicted Speakerboxx/The Love Below would WIN Album of the Year a full six months before it even came out. So you best recognize.
* 3 & 1/2 Comments About Mariah Carey:
1.) It seems that record execs are angry that Mariah hasn’t been shown more love by the Grammys over the years. I know how they feel. I’m still upset that she was robbed out of a Best Actress in a Comedy Series Emmy for her performance in MTV Cribs.
2.) I feel certain that if Abe Lincoln were alive today he would go back and revise the Emancipation Proclamation to state, “I emancipate everyone except for Mimi. She shall forever remain unemancipated.”
3.) “We Belong Together” should have been played at my high school dance. Actually, I feel like it was.
3 & 1/2.) Everyone talks about how this is Mariah Carey’s comeback album, but is it really a comeback when what you’re coming back from is the revelation of the fact that you’re insane?
(And why does it seem that as a nation we have chosen to overlook the fact that Mariah Carey is insane? Whatever the reason is, is it the same reason we have chosen to overlook the fact that R. Kelly is a pedophile?)
* People who have now officially overstayed their welcome: The Black Eyed Peas, Teri Hatcher, Jamie Foxx.
* I think Kayne, Common and John Legend have formed the best hip hop posse of all time. I mean I’d love to hang out with any of those guys. Now if only they can find some way to ditch Jamie Foxx. Maybe they can pawn him off on Colin Farrell full time.
(Speaking of Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell, is the Miami Vice set like the Mecca of groupidom? Are groupies from all over the world taking holy pilgrimages there as we speak? And is there any conceivable way that the record for most groupies slept with in one film shoot has not already been obliterated by this point? I bet what’s going on in Miami right now makes the Oceans Twelve shoot look like the Steel Magnolias shoot by comparison.)
* Hey Keith Urban, Jon Bon Jovi called and he wants his persona back.
* How was “Numb/Encore” a hit and yet “The Grey Album” wasn’t even allowed to be released legally? How is this fair to humanity? Speaking of “The Grey Album”…hey look, its Jay-Z and Paul McCartney! Their live collaboration (if you can call it that) was cool because it was so shocking to see Paul McCartney appear in the middle of the song and because it was thrilling to see them together, but ultimately it didn’t work. Still though, cool to see Jay-Z wearing a John Lennon T-shirt
(Speaking of Jay-Z, how has "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" not been used in a Head and Shoulders commercial yet?)
* When you hear “Helter Skelter” unexpectedly and out of context of “The White Album”, it’s really shocking to consider the fact that it’s a Beatles song. And I also gotta give Paul props: “Fine Line” is a pretty darn good song. (Also not to be morbid, but it must be said: please God let Ringo die before Paul. Paul deserves to be the last one left.)
* If you combined Bono’s hat with Kanye’s glasses would the resulting coolness factor cause a new ice age? Would the person who could pull that look off make even Johnny Depp jealous? Do I occasionally engage in hyperbole?
* What would have happened if Kanye had lost Best Rap Album? Would he have immediately walked out of the building? Would he have run up on stage and snatched the Grammy out of the winners hand? Hell, none of the other nominees even bothered to show up, but still, part of me wishes he would have lost just so we could have found out what he would have done.
(While we’re on the subject of Kayne its worth noting that he never removed his sunglasses the entire night. That’s amazingly cool in my book. Somewhere Corey Hart is smiling. And by “somewhere” I mean the I-95 Exit 28 underpass.)
* With “Late Registration” winning Best Rap album that means Paul Wall has like 1/44th of a Grammy, which I guess makes him the most successful person to ever (allegedly) graduate from my high school.
(Just to get it out there before the inevitable Houston rap backlash of ’06 begins I'd like to go on record that I’ve not liked Houston hip hop much longer than everyone else has not liked Houston hip hop. In fact its kind of unfathomable to me that Houston hip hop has blown up nationally because I never knew anyone in Houston who ever thought the local hip hop scene was any good. In fact only two good things have ever come out of the Houston rap scene: “Tops Drop” by Fat Pat and “Wanna Be A Balla” by Lil’ Troy. Try to recall the biggest, most popular, most omnipresent song of your lifetime. (“Hey Ya” for example.) Well for two years in Houston “Wanna Be A Baller” was at least five times more popular than that song. I seriously think that 97.9 The Box was under strict orders to play it at least once every 10 minutes. And bare in mind that it’s a six minute long song. I think the best part of the whole thing is that no one had any idea what any of the lyrics were. Lil’ Troy makes Ma$e sound like Laurence Olivier when it comes to diction. I still have no idea what exactly the last part of the chorus is even though I’ve heard the song at least 250 times, easily. I’m pretty sure its “swisha roll tight, got sprayed in my eye”, but then again that doesn’t really make any sense. But what does really? And you have no idea what I’m talking about do you? But then again do you ever?)
(And while we are on the universally fascinating topic of the hip-hop scene from the city I grew up in, I had absolutely no idea until I came to college that doing cough syrup and the using the phrase “chunk the duce” were not national phenomenons but were instead “Houston things”. I can’t tell you how shocking this was to find out. This would be like coming to college and finding out that smoking cigarettes and saying the phrase “that’s cool” had been things that were only popular in your hometown. And just for the record “chunk the duce” is ridiculous dated slang. In high school it had already morphed with my friends and I into “chunkage” or just simply “duce”. And this was way back in 1998. And we were white. At least I think we were…)
* Back to Kanye for a minute…Even though it was off his last album, I’d like to take this opportunity to say that I feel that “Last Call” is definitely the most underrated 12 minute long autobiographical rap song of the past few years. In fact, you could make the case that, in its own way, it’s the best thing Kanye has ever done.
* If one were to ever meet The Game how would one refer to him? I mean “Hey there The Game” sounds awkward but what else could you say instead? Mr. Game? “Guy Who Is Feuding and/or not Feuding with 50 Cent”? Simply “Game”? And if you were asking The Game if he was down to do some particular activity what would say? “Yo Game, you game?” I feel like Abbott and Costello would have a field day with this.
* Announcer: Please welcome Gwen Stefani.
Me: No.
* Mary J. Blige and U2 is a match made in heaven. Although their duet wasn’t quite her "No More Drama" performance from 2001, it was still the performance of the night by far. Speaking of which…
Best 3 & 1/2 Performances of the Night:
1.) U2 & Mary J. Blige
2.) Bruce Springsteen
3.) Kanye West
3 & 1/2.) Paul McCartney
* On to the awards…
Best New Artist goes to…John Legend. It would not be humanly possible for me to care less.
Song the Year goes to…U2! Wow the best nominee actually won. Shocking!
Record of the Year goes to…Green Day! Man, these Grammy are going great so far. The Grammy people have gotten the three major categories right so far. Has that ever happened before? Ever?
Album of the Year goes to…U2? Gotta say I’m conflicted about that one. I’m one of the biggest U2 fans in the world, but Kayne was robbed. He not only had the best album nominated but he actually had the best album of the year and one of the best albums so far this millennium. U2’s album was AT BEST only their 4th best album and you could make a case for it being ranked as low as 7th. If you can argue that an album is a band’s 7th best album then there’s no way it should be beating one of the best albums of the millennium. Still, Bono handled the whole thing amazingly. That is why he is God. And if Kanye had to lose to someone at least it was U2.
(Still I worry about Bono’s proclamation that Kanye will be next. It sure seems that way, but you never know when the magic will run out. A few years ago it seemed like an inevitability that Eminem would win Album of the Year some day. But after his unexpected recent artistic implosion of epic proportions it now seems very unlikely he ever will. So it’s with cautious optimism I say to Kanye, “you’ll get ‘em next time”. )
Thought of the Week: How would the world be different if rats looked like bunny rabbits?
* If I had to use band name to describe the conditions in my apartment right now, I would definitely go with Hot Hot Heat.
* I wouldn’t so much call the Madonna/Gorillaz “collaboration” a collaboration, as much as I would call it The Gorillaz performing and then once they were finished performing, Madonna performing.
* Remember the band called Live? What would you say if you saw them live? “I saw Live live”? And wouldn’t “Live Live” be a great name for their live album? And if someone held a benefit concert to help raise money for them would it be called “Live Aid”? Just some things to think about.
* Good to see Tom Hanks out doing some early PR for his upcoming movie. The Da Vinci Code I believe it's called. With a weird title like that I think its gonna need all the publicity it can get.
* If I was black I think my dream girl would be Alicia Keys.
* If I was 12 I think my dream girl would be Kelly Clarkson. Then again when I was actually 12 my dream girl was Christina Ricci in Casper so who knows.
* Kelly Clarkson is singing a song other than “Since U Been Gone”? She HAS other songs besides “Since U Been Gone”? I don’t know how I feel about this. I do know how I would feel however if I was an American Idol winner who beat Paul McCartney for Best Pop Album. I wouldn’t accept it. I wouldn’t even consider accepting it. Also when I was thanking my competition I wouldn’t mention Sheryl Crow and Bonnie Raitt and yet NOT mention Paul McCartney who I should feel unworthy to even be in the same room as. But then again I’m not the voice behind “Since U Been Gone” so what do I know?
* No more comments about Kelly Clarkson I swear.
* Kelly Clarkson.
* Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
* Coldplay always seems a little off and awkward live. Kind of like Chris Martin’s new fro’.
* I get the impression that Ciara might be a woman of loose moral principles. Plus is the phrase “a poor man’s Beyonce” ever a good description to be able to use about someone?
* Has there ever been a less shocking revelation than Fantasia admitting she’s illiterate? That’s on par with Liberace admitting he’s gay.
* I really don’t think enough people were involved in the Sly Stone tribute. I was waiting for the kitchen sink to come out and do a song.
* I hate to rush to judgments on people, but I get the impression from his appearance and demeanor that Sly Stone might have engaged in a little recreational drug use in his youth. And by “his youth” I also mean “5 minutes before coming on stage”.
* While watching the Grammys it’s interesting to think about the fact that 50 Cent is sitting there listening to Bruce Springsteen. Or that Billie Joe Armstrong is sitting there listening to Faith Hill. Or that I’m sitting there listening to Sugarland.
* How was Kayne not nominated for Producer of the Year? He WAS the producer of the year. And yet somehow he wasn’t even NOMINATED? How is there not more outrage about this? Oh yeah, that’s right, no one else cares about the Grammys.
* Herbie Hancock and Christina Aguilerra together at last! Finally, the collaboration America has been clamoring for has happened! Speaking of late 90’s pop stars, I think its time for my annual ridiculous early Grammy prediction for next year. And it is this – Justin Timberlake’s new album will be nominated for Album of the Year. And keep in mind this prediction is coming from the same person who predicted Speakerboxx/The Love Below would WIN Album of the Year a full six months before it even came out. So you best recognize.
* 3 & 1/2 Comments About Mariah Carey:
1.) It seems that record execs are angry that Mariah hasn’t been shown more love by the Grammys over the years. I know how they feel. I’m still upset that she was robbed out of a Best Actress in a Comedy Series Emmy for her performance in MTV Cribs.
2.) I feel certain that if Abe Lincoln were alive today he would go back and revise the Emancipation Proclamation to state, “I emancipate everyone except for Mimi. She shall forever remain unemancipated.”
3.) “We Belong Together” should have been played at my high school dance. Actually, I feel like it was.
3 & 1/2.) Everyone talks about how this is Mariah Carey’s comeback album, but is it really a comeback when what you’re coming back from is the revelation of the fact that you’re insane?
(And why does it seem that as a nation we have chosen to overlook the fact that Mariah Carey is insane? Whatever the reason is, is it the same reason we have chosen to overlook the fact that R. Kelly is a pedophile?)
* People who have now officially overstayed their welcome: The Black Eyed Peas, Teri Hatcher, Jamie Foxx.
* I think Kayne, Common and John Legend have formed the best hip hop posse of all time. I mean I’d love to hang out with any of those guys. Now if only they can find some way to ditch Jamie Foxx. Maybe they can pawn him off on Colin Farrell full time.
(Speaking of Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell, is the Miami Vice set like the Mecca of groupidom? Are groupies from all over the world taking holy pilgrimages there as we speak? And is there any conceivable way that the record for most groupies slept with in one film shoot has not already been obliterated by this point? I bet what’s going on in Miami right now makes the Oceans Twelve shoot look like the Steel Magnolias shoot by comparison.)
* Hey Keith Urban, Jon Bon Jovi called and he wants his persona back.
* How was “Numb/Encore” a hit and yet “The Grey Album” wasn’t even allowed to be released legally? How is this fair to humanity? Speaking of “The Grey Album”…hey look, its Jay-Z and Paul McCartney! Their live collaboration (if you can call it that) was cool because it was so shocking to see Paul McCartney appear in the middle of the song and because it was thrilling to see them together, but ultimately it didn’t work. Still though, cool to see Jay-Z wearing a John Lennon T-shirt
(Speaking of Jay-Z, how has "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" not been used in a Head and Shoulders commercial yet?)
* When you hear “Helter Skelter” unexpectedly and out of context of “The White Album”, it’s really shocking to consider the fact that it’s a Beatles song. And I also gotta give Paul props: “Fine Line” is a pretty darn good song. (Also not to be morbid, but it must be said: please God let Ringo die before Paul. Paul deserves to be the last one left.)
* If you combined Bono’s hat with Kanye’s glasses would the resulting coolness factor cause a new ice age? Would the person who could pull that look off make even Johnny Depp jealous? Do I occasionally engage in hyperbole?
* What would have happened if Kanye had lost Best Rap Album? Would he have immediately walked out of the building? Would he have run up on stage and snatched the Grammy out of the winners hand? Hell, none of the other nominees even bothered to show up, but still, part of me wishes he would have lost just so we could have found out what he would have done.
(While we’re on the subject of Kayne its worth noting that he never removed his sunglasses the entire night. That’s amazingly cool in my book. Somewhere Corey Hart is smiling. And by “somewhere” I mean the I-95 Exit 28 underpass.)
* With “Late Registration” winning Best Rap album that means Paul Wall has like 1/44th of a Grammy, which I guess makes him the most successful person to ever (allegedly) graduate from my high school.
(Just to get it out there before the inevitable Houston rap backlash of ’06 begins I'd like to go on record that I’ve not liked Houston hip hop much longer than everyone else has not liked Houston hip hop. In fact its kind of unfathomable to me that Houston hip hop has blown up nationally because I never knew anyone in Houston who ever thought the local hip hop scene was any good. In fact only two good things have ever come out of the Houston rap scene: “Tops Drop” by Fat Pat and “Wanna Be A Balla” by Lil’ Troy. Try to recall the biggest, most popular, most omnipresent song of your lifetime. (“Hey Ya” for example.) Well for two years in Houston “Wanna Be A Baller” was at least five times more popular than that song. I seriously think that 97.9 The Box was under strict orders to play it at least once every 10 minutes. And bare in mind that it’s a six minute long song. I think the best part of the whole thing is that no one had any idea what any of the lyrics were. Lil’ Troy makes Ma$e sound like Laurence Olivier when it comes to diction. I still have no idea what exactly the last part of the chorus is even though I’ve heard the song at least 250 times, easily. I’m pretty sure its “swisha roll tight, got sprayed in my eye”, but then again that doesn’t really make any sense. But what does really? And you have no idea what I’m talking about do you? But then again do you ever?)
(And while we are on the universally fascinating topic of the hip-hop scene from the city I grew up in, I had absolutely no idea until I came to college that doing cough syrup and the using the phrase “chunk the duce” were not national phenomenons but were instead “Houston things”. I can’t tell you how shocking this was to find out. This would be like coming to college and finding out that smoking cigarettes and saying the phrase “that’s cool” had been things that were only popular in your hometown. And just for the record “chunk the duce” is ridiculous dated slang. In high school it had already morphed with my friends and I into “chunkage” or just simply “duce”. And this was way back in 1998. And we were white. At least I think we were…)
* Back to Kanye for a minute…Even though it was off his last album, I’d like to take this opportunity to say that I feel that “Last Call” is definitely the most underrated 12 minute long autobiographical rap song of the past few years. In fact, you could make the case that, in its own way, it’s the best thing Kanye has ever done.
* If one were to ever meet The Game how would one refer to him? I mean “Hey there The Game” sounds awkward but what else could you say instead? Mr. Game? “Guy Who Is Feuding and/or not Feuding with 50 Cent”? Simply “Game”? And if you were asking The Game if he was down to do some particular activity what would say? “Yo Game, you game?” I feel like Abbott and Costello would have a field day with this.
* Announcer: Please welcome Gwen Stefani.
Me: No.
* Mary J. Blige and U2 is a match made in heaven. Although their duet wasn’t quite her "No More Drama" performance from 2001, it was still the performance of the night by far. Speaking of which…
Best 3 & 1/2 Performances of the Night:
1.) U2 & Mary J. Blige
2.) Bruce Springsteen
3.) Kanye West
3 & 1/2.) Paul McCartney
* On to the awards…
Best New Artist goes to…John Legend. It would not be humanly possible for me to care less.
Song the Year goes to…U2! Wow the best nominee actually won. Shocking!
Record of the Year goes to…Green Day! Man, these Grammy are going great so far. The Grammy people have gotten the three major categories right so far. Has that ever happened before? Ever?
Album of the Year goes to…U2? Gotta say I’m conflicted about that one. I’m one of the biggest U2 fans in the world, but Kayne was robbed. He not only had the best album nominated but he actually had the best album of the year and one of the best albums so far this millennium. U2’s album was AT BEST only their 4th best album and you could make a case for it being ranked as low as 7th. If you can argue that an album is a band’s 7th best album then there’s no way it should be beating one of the best albums of the millennium. Still, Bono handled the whole thing amazingly. That is why he is God. And if Kanye had to lose to someone at least it was U2.
(Still I worry about Bono’s proclamation that Kanye will be next. It sure seems that way, but you never know when the magic will run out. A few years ago it seemed like an inevitability that Eminem would win Album of the Year some day. But after his unexpected recent artistic implosion of epic proportions it now seems very unlikely he ever will. So it’s with cautious optimism I say to Kanye, “you’ll get ‘em next time”. )
Thought of the Week: How would the world be different if rats looked like bunny rabbits?
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Any organization that has awarded Milli Vanilli, Toto, Creed, and Jethro Tull can't be all bad...
Ah the Grammys. What is there to say about the Grammys. Well if you scroll down, you’ll see there's a lot. But how much of it youll “get” is likely not very much. Because it seems like no one watches the Grammys anymore. And with good reason. For every Eminem/Elton John “Stan” or Mary J. Blidge “No More Drama” performance there is a random awkward pairing of some old person with some young flash in the pan. And also P. Diddy. Plus there are the awards themselves. Since 1990 we have seen such prestigious nominees for Album of the Year as “Falling Into You” by Celine Dion, “Millennium” by The Backstreet Boys, “The Three Tenors in Concert”, and “Tony Bennett MTV Unplugged”, which of course raises the question: when was Tony Bennett ever plugged in? And for every “Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” or “Speakerboxx/The Love Below” that wins, there is an “O Brother Where Art Thou Soundtrack” or “Two Against Nature” victory that makes the Grammys once again lose all credibility. So while I cant say I blame you for not caring about them, I will say you missed some truly great performances by Kanye West, Alicia Keys/Jamie Foxx, and others that I will mention below. You also will not have any idea what I am talking about for the rest of this entry, and that seems to me like much more serious problem.
-Has there every been a year when the nominees for Album of the Year should have been more clear? I mean how could they have possibly chosen anything else other than the following five: SMiLE, Van Leer Rose, The College Dropout, American Idiot and The Diary of Alicia Keys? It should have been like taking candy from a baby. Even the Grammys couldn’t screw that one up. Its almost like the music Gods planned it so that there would be exactly five universally critically praised albums in 2004 and that all of them would fulfill a slot in the Best Album category: Music legend without a Grammy/releasing a comeback album slot, Music legend/country music slot, rap slot, rock slot, R & B/attractive young female slot. It was perfect. TOO perfect apparently. Ironic that in their quest to appear young and hip the Grammys are now actually snubbing deserving old people in favor of undeserving young artists. Perhaps this explains why John Mayer won Record of the Year for “Daughters”.
No wait, NOTHING could explain that…
-I know its two years after the fact for my “Norah Jones, meet Christopher Cross” joke but I enjoyed it so much at the time I’m gonna throw it out there again just for the hell of it.
-After this Ray Charles thing, I’m seriously contemplating at this point releasing an album myself and then faking my own death just to see if I can get a Grammy out of it. If I enter it in some obscure category like Native American Album or Polka I think I might have a legitimate shot.
-Franz Ferdinand was not only allowed within 100 yards of the Grammys but was even allowed to perform? Live on CBS? Wow, Excuse me but I have to put the monkeys back in my ass. They flew out.
-Wow, so having five songs playing all at the same time sounds like crap? Who woulda thought?
-Is there anyone more overrated than Gwen Stefani? Seriously, name someone. I’ll give you a dollar. And who exactly started the myth of her attractiveness?
-Has anyone yet commented on the fact that Maroon 5 managed to sneak the phrase “keep her cumming every night” into a universally accepted hit song without anyone noticing? That, along with the fact that we play “Hey Ya!” every day at The Craft Studio for children’s birthday parties and no one bats an eyelash, just confirms that no one listens to lyrics anymore.
-That J. Lo she’s a crafty one. She knows that by singing in another language I wont understand what she is saying and therefore will have difficulty in mocking her. Nice try J. Lo, but I’m sure I can still come up with something…like…ummm…your singing is…not good. It’s quite poor in fact. So there! That’s right I said it. Whadda you gonna do about it?
-So I must be serious for a moment here. Tell me who else could have pulled off U2’s performance other than U2? A solid white background. No stunts or “special guest performers”. No special effects or pyrotechnics. A long monologue to open the song. A purposefully understated performance. Who else would be allowed to give that performance? Who else would even have the balls to try? And who else could make it the most captivating performance of the night? That is why they are “The World’s Biggest Rock & Roll Band”. End of story.
-I feel like Ellen and Portia De Rossi are the Citizen Kane of celebrity lesbian couples.
-Speaking of Citizen Kane here’s a little SAT flashback for you:
Citizen Kane : movies :: Sweet Home Alabama : things that kick ass
(And no I’m not joking)
Speaking of things that kick ass - Green Day, could you please put my socks back on my feet for me since you just rocked them off? Also, will you have my children?
-I think one of the joys of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert would be that yelling out “Freebird” would not only not be ironic but might actually result in getting to hear “Freebird”. One of the non-joys of the Grammys is that you get to hear “Freebird”, but only the first part. That’s like getting to hear only the first six minutes of "Stairway to Heaven". Whats the point?
-After seeing A Ghost is Born win Alternative Album of the Year I’m reminded of a burning question I have. Has any person alive ever woke up in the morning and thought, “you know what song I really want to hear? ‘Less Than You Think’ by Wilco.”? And congratulations if you are one of the zero people who get that joke. Great now I’ve finally become too esoteric for my own good…And now I’m using the term “esoteric”…My parents would be so ashamed to see what’s become of the journal…
-I just wrote this line as an excuse to use another ellipsis…
-Getting all the “jokes” no one will get out of the way at once: I was thinking…if you’re an epileptic then the Grammys must be your personal hell.
(See, why do I even bother…)
-Is it wrong of me to comment that bald Melissa Etheridge looks like Billy Corgan? Is it also wrong of me to comment that she rocked hard core? Okay, just checking…
-Okay I gotta ask: who decided to let Stevie Wonder announce an award?
-I readily acknowledge that you pretty much have to have grown up with country music to really appreciate it and “get it”, but if some part of you isn’t affected by “Live Like You Were Dying” by Tim McGraw then you have no heart. It’s what modern country music is all about. Deadly tragedy? Check. Inspirational message? Check. Cheesy guitar solo? Check. So you can make fun of me for liking it but then I get to make fun of you for being the tin man. “Go follow the yellow brick road you man made of tin” might be a possible insult I could use.
-Jack White, how the hell did Loretta Lynn let you leave the house dressed like that? You know, the Strokes wont let you hang out with them anymore if you go out in public looking like that again. And don’t try and tell me you’re being ironic. Even Conway Fucking Twitty would have laughed at that shirt. And yes I just referenced Conway Twitty. And yes I referred to him as Conway “Fucking” Twitty.
I’d really just stop reading now if I were you…
-I wonder where I can download the Academy President’s speech about downloading?
-You know how at the Oscars they have the biggest star available announce Best Picture? Well to announce Album of the Year, the Grammys have Bonnie Raitt and Gary Sinese.
-Mark this day on your calendar. I can’t think of anything bad to say about Usher.
-Since the performances were disappointingly not sucky I now have some extra space to share a non-Grammy related thought. I don’t know if you saw the story the other day, but the rapper Houston gouged his own eye out. Yes, you read that right: HE GOUGED OUT HIS OWN EYE. He tried to commit suicide but the police stopped him and so since he couldn’t kill himself he just decided to gouge his own eye out instead. While I would like to explore the thought process that leads one to decide to gouge out ones own eye, I have other thoughts I will expound on here instead. 1.) You can’t imagine my curiosity and shock as a native Houstonian upon seeing the headline that simply read, “Houston gouges out own eye”. 2.) Guess this makes 50 Cent’s bullet wounds look pretty wussy by comparison. 3.) Houston must now deal with the eternal question faced by those who gouge out their own eyes: eye patch or glass eye. For me personally it would be no contest but you never know; a glass eye might have its benefits. To each eye gouger-outer their own…
Top 3 & 1/2 of the Week: Top 3 & 1/2 “Sets of 3 consecutive songs on a classic non-Beatles album” Edition.
(Note this list was made off the top of my head with very little thought or research meaning it likely contains several glaring omissions. Nevertheless, let the debate begin)
1.) Where The Streets Have No Name/I Still Havent Found What Im Looking For/With Or Without You- from “Joshua Tree” by U2
2.) Crazy Love/Caravan/Into The Mystic- from “Moondance” by Van Morrison
3.) Ex-Factor/To Zion/Doo Wop (That Thing)- from “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” by Lauryn Hill
3 & 1/2.) Smells Like Teen Spirit/In Bloom/Come As You Are- from “Nevermind” by Nirvana
-Has there every been a year when the nominees for Album of the Year should have been more clear? I mean how could they have possibly chosen anything else other than the following five: SMiLE, Van Leer Rose, The College Dropout, American Idiot and The Diary of Alicia Keys? It should have been like taking candy from a baby. Even the Grammys couldn’t screw that one up. Its almost like the music Gods planned it so that there would be exactly five universally critically praised albums in 2004 and that all of them would fulfill a slot in the Best Album category: Music legend without a Grammy/releasing a comeback album slot, Music legend/country music slot, rap slot, rock slot, R & B/attractive young female slot. It was perfect. TOO perfect apparently. Ironic that in their quest to appear young and hip the Grammys are now actually snubbing deserving old people in favor of undeserving young artists. Perhaps this explains why John Mayer won Record of the Year for “Daughters”.
No wait, NOTHING could explain that…
-I know its two years after the fact for my “Norah Jones, meet Christopher Cross” joke but I enjoyed it so much at the time I’m gonna throw it out there again just for the hell of it.
-After this Ray Charles thing, I’m seriously contemplating at this point releasing an album myself and then faking my own death just to see if I can get a Grammy out of it. If I enter it in some obscure category like Native American Album or Polka I think I might have a legitimate shot.
-Franz Ferdinand was not only allowed within 100 yards of the Grammys but was even allowed to perform? Live on CBS? Wow, Excuse me but I have to put the monkeys back in my ass. They flew out.
-Wow, so having five songs playing all at the same time sounds like crap? Who woulda thought?
-Is there anyone more overrated than Gwen Stefani? Seriously, name someone. I’ll give you a dollar. And who exactly started the myth of her attractiveness?
-Has anyone yet commented on the fact that Maroon 5 managed to sneak the phrase “keep her cumming every night” into a universally accepted hit song without anyone noticing? That, along with the fact that we play “Hey Ya!” every day at The Craft Studio for children’s birthday parties and no one bats an eyelash, just confirms that no one listens to lyrics anymore.
-That J. Lo she’s a crafty one. She knows that by singing in another language I wont understand what she is saying and therefore will have difficulty in mocking her. Nice try J. Lo, but I’m sure I can still come up with something…like…ummm…your singing is…not good. It’s quite poor in fact. So there! That’s right I said it. Whadda you gonna do about it?
-So I must be serious for a moment here. Tell me who else could have pulled off U2’s performance other than U2? A solid white background. No stunts or “special guest performers”. No special effects or pyrotechnics. A long monologue to open the song. A purposefully understated performance. Who else would be allowed to give that performance? Who else would even have the balls to try? And who else could make it the most captivating performance of the night? That is why they are “The World’s Biggest Rock & Roll Band”. End of story.
-I feel like Ellen and Portia De Rossi are the Citizen Kane of celebrity lesbian couples.
-Speaking of Citizen Kane here’s a little SAT flashback for you:
Citizen Kane : movies :: Sweet Home Alabama : things that kick ass
(And no I’m not joking)
Speaking of things that kick ass - Green Day, could you please put my socks back on my feet for me since you just rocked them off? Also, will you have my children?
-I think one of the joys of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert would be that yelling out “Freebird” would not only not be ironic but might actually result in getting to hear “Freebird”. One of the non-joys of the Grammys is that you get to hear “Freebird”, but only the first part. That’s like getting to hear only the first six minutes of "Stairway to Heaven". Whats the point?
-After seeing A Ghost is Born win Alternative Album of the Year I’m reminded of a burning question I have. Has any person alive ever woke up in the morning and thought, “you know what song I really want to hear? ‘Less Than You Think’ by Wilco.”? And congratulations if you are one of the zero people who get that joke. Great now I’ve finally become too esoteric for my own good…And now I’m using the term “esoteric”…My parents would be so ashamed to see what’s become of the journal…
-I just wrote this line as an excuse to use another ellipsis…
-Getting all the “jokes” no one will get out of the way at once: I was thinking…if you’re an epileptic then the Grammys must be your personal hell.
(See, why do I even bother…)
-Is it wrong of me to comment that bald Melissa Etheridge looks like Billy Corgan? Is it also wrong of me to comment that she rocked hard core? Okay, just checking…
-Okay I gotta ask: who decided to let Stevie Wonder announce an award?
-I readily acknowledge that you pretty much have to have grown up with country music to really appreciate it and “get it”, but if some part of you isn’t affected by “Live Like You Were Dying” by Tim McGraw then you have no heart. It’s what modern country music is all about. Deadly tragedy? Check. Inspirational message? Check. Cheesy guitar solo? Check. So you can make fun of me for liking it but then I get to make fun of you for being the tin man. “Go follow the yellow brick road you man made of tin” might be a possible insult I could use.
-Jack White, how the hell did Loretta Lynn let you leave the house dressed like that? You know, the Strokes wont let you hang out with them anymore if you go out in public looking like that again. And don’t try and tell me you’re being ironic. Even Conway Fucking Twitty would have laughed at that shirt. And yes I just referenced Conway Twitty. And yes I referred to him as Conway “Fucking” Twitty.
I’d really just stop reading now if I were you…
-I wonder where I can download the Academy President’s speech about downloading?
-You know how at the Oscars they have the biggest star available announce Best Picture? Well to announce Album of the Year, the Grammys have Bonnie Raitt and Gary Sinese.
-Mark this day on your calendar. I can’t think of anything bad to say about Usher.
-Since the performances were disappointingly not sucky I now have some extra space to share a non-Grammy related thought. I don’t know if you saw the story the other day, but the rapper Houston gouged his own eye out. Yes, you read that right: HE GOUGED OUT HIS OWN EYE. He tried to commit suicide but the police stopped him and so since he couldn’t kill himself he just decided to gouge his own eye out instead. While I would like to explore the thought process that leads one to decide to gouge out ones own eye, I have other thoughts I will expound on here instead. 1.) You can’t imagine my curiosity and shock as a native Houstonian upon seeing the headline that simply read, “Houston gouges out own eye”. 2.) Guess this makes 50 Cent’s bullet wounds look pretty wussy by comparison. 3.) Houston must now deal with the eternal question faced by those who gouge out their own eyes: eye patch or glass eye. For me personally it would be no contest but you never know; a glass eye might have its benefits. To each eye gouger-outer their own…
Top 3 & 1/2 of the Week: Top 3 & 1/2 “Sets of 3 consecutive songs on a classic non-Beatles album” Edition.
(Note this list was made off the top of my head with very little thought or research meaning it likely contains several glaring omissions. Nevertheless, let the debate begin)
1.) Where The Streets Have No Name/I Still Havent Found What Im Looking For/With Or Without You- from “Joshua Tree” by U2
2.) Crazy Love/Caravan/Into The Mystic- from “Moondance” by Van Morrison
3.) Ex-Factor/To Zion/Doo Wop (That Thing)- from “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” by Lauryn Hill
3 & 1/2.) Smells Like Teen Spirit/In Bloom/Come As You Are- from “Nevermind” by Nirvana
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