Showing posts with label 2012. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2012. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

OSCARS PREDICTIONS 2013

Do you need nearly 5,000 words on one of the best Oscar races in recent years, including analysis of every single category? Of course you do!

Live Action Short
A shorter, poor mans Amour? Way to know your target audience of retired people who have time to go to short film screenings Henry.

(BTW, "a shorter poor man's Amour" still sounds better than about 95% of the movies in the world)

Should Win: Henry
Will Win: Henry

Animated Short
So you're telling me that one of the nominees was produced by Disney, used a new groundbreaking animation technique, played in theatres before Wreck-it-Ralph, and went viral just as Oscar voting was in full swing? Well then, thanks for playing other nominees, it’s been nice not knowing you.

Should Win: Paperman
Will Win: Paperman

Animated Feature
Okay, I’ve only seen Brave here, so maybe I’m not the best judge. It seems like there might be a Wreck-It-Ralph upset brewing, as it won the PGA and the Annie and a bunch of websites are picking it to win. Of course I’m shocked (SHOCKED!) that The Internet seems to like a comedy about video games more than a relatively dramatic movie about the relationship between a princess and her mother. But I haven’t actually seen Wreck-It-Ralph so I can’t say whether they’re right or not. But I thought Brave was really good and find it hard to believe that Wreck-It-Ralph would be better.

Now I’m a huge Pixar fan-boy, so take that into account, but I don't get the relative lack of enthusiasm for Brave. Sure it was more "Disney" than "Pixar". And no it was no Wall-E. But with the near complete critical dismissal of Brave you would think that it was ignored simply because it told a story that wasn’t relatable or of interest to the 18-49 year old male demographic that dominates discussion and appraisal of the film industry in the media. Oh wait...

Anyway, the average Academy voter is 86 years old so they ain't voting for the video game movie. But nice try male nerds. A shame all you have left is everything else in the entire world.

Should Win: Brave
Will Win: Brave

Documentary Short
Going against the logic I used on Live Action Short, I think the movie about the young artist (Inocente) trumps the movie about the old people in a retirement center (Kings Point). Kings Point is the only nominee that doesnt sound super heavy, which should work to its advantage, but nevertheless I think "what we do is important" just barely edges out "we are old" as the message that resonates most with Academy voters.

Should Win: Inocente, I guess (I've seen none of these)
Will Win: Inocente


Documentary Feature
I’ve only seen one of these nominees, which is pretty bad considering I’ll gladly watch a documentary about paint drying. I’m totally Team Non-Fiction like that. So bad job by me this year. But I don't know if it's actually relevant for this discussion. Because I can't imagine anything here is as good as Searching for Sugar Man

Searching for Sugar Man is the reason documentaries exist. Not just to explore an issue, but to tell a story that fiction could never tell. And that's what separates Searching for Sugar Man from the pack here. The rest are all just message movies. And that's great. I love message movies too. And something “important” almost always wins here. But I think this year all the “important” films cancel each other out leaving only the truly incredible one.

Searching for Sugar Man is the kind of movie that makes you want to vote for it, get behind it, and champion it. Here’s hoping enough people do.

Should Win: Searching for Sugar Man
Will Win: Searching for Sugar Man


Foreign Language Film
When trying to decide what is going to win Best Foreign Language Film you always only need to ask yourself only one question: what movie is foreign, but not too foreign, and would, in style, tone, and theme, most appeal to a bunch of washed-up old retirees with nothing better to do than go to foreign film screenings?

What’s that you say? One of the nominees this year is a completely naturalistic character study set in Paris, made by a well-respected director, and might be the most honest and moving film ever made about old age and death?

And they bothered to nominate anything else?

(And in case you were wondering, based solely on titles, War Witch, is the exact OPPOSITE of what wins this category)

Should Win: Amour
Will Win: Amour


Sound Mixing
I understand the case for assuming that Argo will win, but music-based movies have won the past three times they've been nominated in this category, so I’m predicting an upset.

Should Win: Hell If I Know
Will Win: Les Miz


Sound Editing
With no musical here, it seems like a clearer case for Argo. It's the only film nominated in both sound categories, it's the Best Picture favorite, and Ethan van Der Ryn has already won twice before so clearly he’s well-liked in Hollywood. Or maybe he’s just good at his job. Who knows really.

Should Win: Hell If I Know
Will Win: Argo


Score
Thomas Newman, John Williams, Alexandre Desplat, Dario Marianelli - that's a murderers row of film score composers right there. So of course the guy no one has ever heard of (Mychael Danna) will win. He’s won the precursor awards and when they played snippets of the scores at the Golden Globes his was the only one that sounded memorable. Other than that I have no real thoughts on this, other than to go back to the fact that I just used the phrase “a murderers row of film score composers”. I really need to get out more.

Should Win: Life of Pi
Will Win: Life of Pi


Original Song
My one word analysis of this category: Adele

Should Win: “Skyfall”
Will Win: “Skyfall”


Production Design
I really don't know. I honestly think any of these five could win. If a Lincoln sweep was happening then I think it wins. But with the way things stand now, this looks like anybody’s game.

Since Anna Karenina calls the most attention its production design I think it probably wins. But nothing would surprise me here.

Should Win: Anna Karenina
Will Win: Anna Karenina

Costume Design
This is actually pretty tough too. On the one hand you have Colleen Atwood. On the other hand you have a posthumous nominee (Eiko Ishioka - Mirror, Mirror). And on the third hand Anna Karenina is costume porn. So I think that the Snow White movies probably cancel each other out and Jacqueline Durran cruises to victory. Sorry Colleen and dead lady.

Should Win: Anna Karenina
Will Win: Anna Karenina


Makeup and Hair Styling
Love these three nominee categories. Makes it easy. And even easier still when one of the nominees pretty much exists solely as an excuse to do crazy makeup (and to make billions of dollars). It also doesn’t hurt that that movie is part of the most Oscar-winning movie franchise of all time.

Other than that, Hitchcock made a fat guy slightly fatter, and Les Miz gets one million points deducted for Anne Hathaway’s “hair styling”. And yes I know cutting her hair that short was part of the plot and all, but still.

(Ladies, if any guy tells you that he likes your hair remotely that short there’s a 100% chance that he’s lying. Trust me. But also, don’t make your hair decisions based on pleasing the patriarchy.)

Why are we still talking about this category?

Should Win: The Hobbit
Will Win: The Hobbit


Visual Effects
Life of Pi is the very definition of “perfectly fine”. It was well-made and pleasant and inoffensive and made absolutely no impact on me whatsoever. But I’m very glad that I paid the money to see it in 3-D in a theater. I would make that same decision again. Because experiencing the visual effects was the whole reason to see the movie. It's winning here.

Should Win: Life of Pi
Will Win: Life of Pi


Editing
Hell if I know.

Silver Linings Playbook had the MOST editing, but I thought all the editing actually detracted from the movie. Action movies do well here, but not as well as you would think. This is probably only one of two chances to give Zero Dark Thirty anything, but the same could be said for Silver Linings Playbook. The obvious choice is Argo, but I’d go with Zero Dark Thirty for my hypothetical vote since they had the most story to put together. But I don't feel strongly about any of that.

(As all good Oscar obsessives know theres a strong correlation between Best Editing and Best Picture, but it’s not actually as strong a bellwether as is often assumed. The winner is here is misdirection as much as its predictive. But still, if Argo wins here, Best Picture is probably over; if Lincoln wins, the Argo folks are gonna start sweating; and if anyone else wins, then it's still anyone’s (Argo’s) game. And all this goes double for the next category...)

Should Win: Zero Dark Thirty
Will Win: Argo


Cinematography
Per usual, this is a really strong category. It seems like Claudio Miranda will win - he’s never won before, there's clearly strong support for his movie, it was the most visually beautiful movie of the year, and Avatar won here three years ago so there’s precedent for a heavily CGI-ed movie winning Cinematography. But for me that's why I’d prefer to see Kaminski win. When it seems like most of what is seen on screen was created by the visual effects department, it's hard for me to give too much credit for the look of the film to the cinematographer. Lincoln may not be as flashy as Life of Pi, but it did more with less, and is (seemingly) 100% real.

Also, remember how for years the fact that Scorsese had never won an Oscar was a huge deal and a great source of embarrassment for all involved. Well Roger Deakins is officially the new Scorsese. If only he wasn't nominated for a Bond movie, he might have a chance here.

Should Win: Janus Kaminiski - Lincoln
Will Win: Claudio Miranda -  Life of Pi


Original Screenplay


"I was pissed I didn't win Best Screenplay... It was Kathryn's year, it wasn't fucking Mark's year"
 -Quentin Tarantino on losing Best Original Screenplay to Mark Boal for The Hurt Locker
Quentin Tarantino only has one Oscar. Considering he's had a 20 year career and has yet to make a bad movie, that's pretty astounding. More astounding though is that someone who most people have never heard of, who as far as I can tell has no distinct personal style or voice, will soon have two

I get that Zero Dark Thirty is the mo
re "important" screenplay, but that doesnt make it better artistically. Plus how is Zero Dark Thirty "original"? It's based on years of research into real events. The plot, characters, and timeline all already existed. Everything in Django is totally from Quentin's mind. Shouldnt that automatically give it more artistic merit? But it doesn't matter because one screenplay details white American heroes killing a Muslim terrorist and the other screenplay is about a black guy killing every white person on screen to the tune of 1,000 F-bombs. The Academy is an organization that in the recent past declared Crash "Best Picture" due to its apparently insightful views on race.

Prepare to be pissed all over again Quentin.

Should Win: Quentin Tarantino - Django Unchained
Will Win: Mark Boal - Zero Dark Thirty


Adapted Screenplay
I swear to God if Tony Kushner doesn't win here...

With the Argo non-upset pretty much guaranteed to happen at this point I’ve already got my guard up for Chris Terrio pulling a David Seidler or a Ronald Harwood (Ronald Harwood over Charlie Kaufman #neverforget). I don’t think it WILL happen, but it COULD. And that seems insane to me. Although, Arthur Miller once lost this category to Billy Bob Thorton so clearly anything is possible (other legendary playwrights who were nominated in this category but never won: Tennessee Williams, Lillian Helman, Harold Pinter, and David Mamet).

But more so than Tony Kushner deserving to win for being arguably our greatest living playwright, he should win for writing one of the greatest screenplays of the past 10 years. Lincoln pretty much WAS its screenplay. Even moreso than The Social Network was. And though the movies themselves will likely suffer the same Best Picture fates, Aaron Sorkin won for Adapted Screenplay. So come on people, do the right thing, and make Tony Kushner only a Grammy away from EGOTing.

Should Win: Tony Kushner - Lincoln
Will Win: Tony Kushner - Lincoln


Supporting Actor
What Alan Arkin and Robert DeNiro are doing here I’m not sure other than the fact that they are  Alan Arkin and Robert DeNiro. And how Leonardo DiCaprio and Samuel L. Jackson didn't get nominated in their places I’ll never know or understand. It sounds sort of crazy on the surface, but I really think Django Unchained might have been both Leo and Sam’s best work ever. One of the only times I've ever totally bought either of them as people other than themselves. But in their absence we get the first ever All Former Winner category, something I’ve wanted to see for awhile. Turns out it's not as cool as I thought it would be. But then I'm probably the only person alive who ever thought “hey, you know what would be cool? An Oscar category made up solely of former winners!”

Anyway, this is kind of a weird one for me. Philip Seymour Hoffman is my very favorite non-Daniel Day-Lewis actor. His work in The Master is possibly the richest, and most powerful he’s ever done. He was maybe more "impressive" in Capote but I don't know that he was better. And his role in The Master is really a lead role, not a supporting one, which should put him at an advantage here. But Tommy Lee Jones is definitely winning this one and I'm strangely 100% cool with that. I could never develop any attachment to the idea of Phil winning because I recognized from day one that his movie was too inaccessible for most Academy voters. Even I found its lack of narrative clarity off-putting. Tommy Lee Jones on the other hand, was terrific in my favorite (and the best) movie of the year.

I went into Lincoln prepared to ardently claim that Tommy Lee Jones didn't live up to the advance hype. After all, how dare some overrated old curmudgeon dare try and challenge my beloved Phil for an Oscar. But I left Lincoln thinking Mr. Jones totally deserves to win. And that says it all about the greatness of his work. If you can impress someone who is not only predisposed to finding fault with your work, but who is actively hoping to do so, then I’m totally cool with you winning whatever awards you’re nominated for. Which means Tommy Lee Jones will soon have two Oscars. The thought of it probably makes his face muscles contract into something approximating a smile.

Should Win: Phillip Seymour Hoffman
Will Win: Tommy Lee Jones


Supporting Actress
Hey ladies, explain something to me: why do you hate Anne Hathaway so much? Because you definitely do. The level of antipathy for Anne Hathaway from ladies on my facebook news feed is almost always at Jews/Hitler levels. And I just don't get it.

Seems like when women en masse hate another woman the reason is usually easy to figure out. They are threatened by her. Her popularity reinforces physical/sexual standards that they’re not comfortable with. They're jealous of her. They feel her success wasn't properly earned. But none of those things seem to apply here. Anne Hathaway has worked her way slowly but surely up from Disney Princess to (soon-to-be) Oscar Winner. She’s attractive, but not unreasonably so. She seems smart, hard working, humble, and talented. Her ex-boyfriend got arrested by the feds on charges of fraud, which would seemingly make her an object of sympathy not envy. She has starred in movies (Princess Diaries, The Devil Wears Prada) that have huge female fan bases. She’s never been accused of stealing anyone’s husband or boyfriend. And she seems as nice and friendly as a person can be. So what's the beef? I really don't understand.

Anyway, if someone like Jennifer Hudson can win an Oscar for “And I'm Telling You I’m Not Going”, then a former Oscar host like Anne Hathaway is winning in a landslide for her “I Dreamed A Dream”. So ladies, the object of your ire is about to have an Oscar. Might be time to pick a new target for your hatred. Perhaps puppies and/or rainbows?

Should Win: Anne Hathaway
Will Win: Anne Hathaway


Actor
First of all, what a category. You could make a whole second category of people who WEREN'T nominated (John Hawkes, Jack Black, Ewan McGregor, Jean-Louis Trintignant, Matthias Schoenaerts) and it would be better than last year’s entire Best Actor category.

Secondly though, I can't ever remember a major category in my lifetime where it was less clear who the runner-up was, nor one where that seemed less relevant. Because Daniel Day-Lewis might be the first person in history to win an Oscar the day his CASTING was announced. Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher comes close but she had to ultimately really sweat it out against Viola Davis last year. DDL rendered all the competition irrelevant.

Since the race itself isn't worth discussing, let's look at what Daniel-Day Lewis will be accomplishing with his win here: three Best Actor wins, most all-time (one more than Brando, Hoffman, Penn, Nicholson and Hanks). And he’ll be officially claiming not just the Best Male Actor Alive crown, but probably the title of best male film actor in history. Brando comes close - his work in Streetcar revolutionized acting as we know it - but even he couldn't disappear into a role the way Daniel Day-Lewis does in Lincoln. People say things like this all the time, but in this case it is really 100% true: If you showed someone who knew nothing about anything My Left Foot, There Will Be Blood, and Lincoln and told them that it was three different actors THEY WOULD TOTALLY BELIEVE YOU. He becomes other people. He’s the only actor I've ever seen that makes acting seem like some kind of magic trick. I obviously never met the real Abraham Lincoln, never seen him move, never heard him speak, know very little about him. But somehow I know without a doubt that Daniel Day-Lewis got him exactly right. His Lincoln is not at all who I thought Lincoln was, but yet it also completely is. Daniel Day-Lewis can raise the dead. He can enter our minds and show us things we didn't even know that we knew. He is a wizard. He is a treasure. He is our Best Actor.

Should Win: Daniel Day-Lewis, always and forever
Will Win: Daniel Day-Lewis


Actress
From Julia Roberts, to Halle Berry, to Nicole Kidman, to Reese Witherspoon, to Natalie Portman, and on and on, this category is the place where the crusty old men of the Academy declare what hot young thing they all have a collective hard-on for at the moment. Which is why whenever picking this category always go with the youngest, hottest nominee. (Not literally the youngest. No Quvenzhale Wallis you pervs).

And from Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Joanne Woodward, and Barbara Streisand to more recent wins by Gweneth Paltrow and Marion Cotilliard there is also a long history of this being the category where new young stars are anointed.

And this year both of the guiding historical principles of this category are coming together in one uber-candidate: Jennifer Lawrence. 

Now strangely all of the same arguments you could make for J-Law being the ultimate Best Actress candidate you could make for Jessica Chastain as well, just to a lesser degree in all cases. She's less of a star, she's had less of a big year, she's not as young, not as "hip", and not as attractive. (I'm just the messenger!)  So stop trying to make Chastain vs. Lawrence happen. It ain't a thing. This is the year of J-Stew. And this Oscar will be its culmination. It will be a star being officially born. It will be the start of a journey together between audience and movie star that I can't wait to watch unfold. This is someone who will be in our lives for the next 20 years. And this is her coronation.

Now notice though, I haven't said a word about the actual performances. And that's because if you strip everything else totally away and look strictly at the work here there's someone who actually deserves this award on merit perhaps slightly more than J-Stew does, and that's E-Riv (Emmanuelle Riva for you non-hipsters out there). 

Emmanuelle Riva was riveting, and raw, and flat out incredible in Amour. When she was considered a long shot for a nomination I didn't buy it because I knew there's was no way anyone who saw her performance would leave her off their ballot. It was as naked, emotionally and physically, as performances get. (People talk about the bravery of Helen Hunt for getting naked at her age, but what about Emmanuelle Riva? She got naked at 85! And yet you never hear a word about it...) If you had told me that Emmanuel Riva had actually died during the filming of Amour I would have totally believed you. To see her perfectly healthy at awards shows blows my mind. I can't process it. To play someone dying and do it well in middle age is a challenge. But to have to do it as someone who is themselves so close to death, it must be one of the hardest things a human can do. But Emmanuelle stared death in the face and brought it to honest and vivid life. And for that she should probably get an Oscar. And here's where things get interesting...she just might.

I still think Jennifer Lawrence will win, for all the reasons I detailed earlier. And a Riva win here would be a huge outlier. But after her win at the BAFTAs it's a real possibility. More and more pundits are picking her and there's a real sense that while Jennifer Lawrence will have plenty of other chances, this is definitely it for Emmanuelle Riva. So she's got some major late-breaking momentum. I think it will look ridiculous to future generations if Jennifer Lawrence doesn't win the Oscar the year of J-Stew, and I think the two performances are of relatively equal merit so I'm still pulling for Jennifer. But if they open that envelope ad call out Emmanuelle Riva's name, I'll be on my feet just like everyone else.

Stay tuned.

Should Win: Jennifer Lawrence (or Emmanuelle Riva)
Will Win: Jennifer Lawrence (but also, maybe Emmanuelle Riva)


Director
Not a lot to say here. Other than Haneke and Spielberg, this is kind of a joke of a category. And despite the greatness of Amour (more on that soon) Haneke ain't winning. So it's Spielberg all the way. And while that might have been true regardless, imagine how much more fun not just this category but the entire ceremony would be if Bigelow and Affleck hadn’t been snubbed. I can't remember two snubs completely changing the entire narrative and potentially the results of an awards season more than those two. In all my years of getting up early to watch the Oscar nominations I can't ever remember being more jaw-on-the-floor shocked than I was by this year’s Best Director lineup. But anyway...

This is the 30th anniversary of Spielberg losing Best Director for ET. And so it seems somehow poetic justice thats it's also the year he becomes only the 4th person to win more than two Best Director Oscars. It’s a list that would seem strange without him on it. I don't know if it’s a testament to his greatness or an argument against it that's he’s going be winning for one of his least “Spielberg-ian” movies ever, but Lincoln was definitely more Munich than War Horse. To once again compare Lincoln to The Social Network, Spielberg, like Fincher, let a brilliant screenplay with a strong voice help him stay out of his own way emotionally, allowing the strengths of his visual craft to really shine through. Also, after almost 40 years now I think it's safe to say that you know how good a Spielberg movie is going to be right away by how bright the lighting is. And Lincoln was dark and shadowy as fuck. And I'm proud to be the only person in history to have ever written that exact sentence.

Well, enjoy your third Oscar Steven, and try not to get too upset about getting Shakespeare-In-Love-ed again. Which brings us at long last to...

Should Win: Spielberg
Will Win: Spielberg


Picture
Best Picture!

First of all, it's pretty great that for once there are no glaring omissions or galling inclusions. No Blind Sides or Extremely Loud Incredibly Closes here. Sure I’m not a big Life of Pi fan, but it's a visual marvel made by a great director with something to say. And I know it's not cool to like Les Miz, but as someone that has absolutely no interest in or affinity for the stage version, I thought the movie was just fine. Not great certainly, but fine. Other than Russell Crowe I thought the complaints about the singing were way overblown. And anything that gets musical theater people worked up into an apoplectic rage is great with me because musical theater people are the absolute worst. (I hear Hitler had strong feelings about his favorite cast recording of Gypsy). The only pseudo-lemon here is Beasts of the Southern Wild. Besides being EXACTLY the movie that a white Wesleyan grad named Benh would make, its lack of real actors fatally flawed it for me, as the non-professionals that were used instead were distractingly bad. And overall the whole enterprise had the feel of a "Kony 2012" video made by more accomplished filmmakers. (I don't mean that as a compliment). But I don't have any real beef with its nomination as I’d always rather reward original, challenging, personal films like Beasts of the Southern Wild than whatever formulaic studio dreck might have been nominated in its place.

Speaking of original, challenging, personal films: Amour!

I amour Amour. That's probably not proper verb conjugation, but love knows no rules. And I love that Amour exists. Because it's the movie I've always longed to see. Now, I get why they dont make more movies about aging and death - it's depressing, it's not marketable, and it's the very thing we're going to the movies to avoid thinking about. But still, I wish they made more of them. Aging followed by death is possibly the most universal and dramatic human experience there is. Yet in declaring Amour the best movie about the aging/dying process ever made, I cant even really think of any competition for that title. But competition or no, it's a haunting and essential masterpiece. Flawless acting and perfect direction. It makes you feel all of the things and it really stays with you. And I'm thrilled that it's nominated and getting the recognition it deserves. It should be required viewing for every person on Earth. But I'm not delusional enough to actually think it has a chance of winning Best Picture.

Which brings us to the Big Five. The five movies that would (likely) have been nominated if there were only five nominees like in the old days. I’m still not totally sure how I feel about the expanded field. I kind of like the fact that things like A Serious Man, Winters Bone, Tree of Life, and Amour can be nominated for Best Picture. But at the same time, what's the point? None of the We’re Just Glad to Be Here nominees are ever winning. And it's almost always clear who the five “real” nominees are. So the whole thing is kind of a meaningless charade that cheapens the value and prestige of a nomination. But hey, Tree of Life was a Best Picture nominee, so maybe it ain't so bad. Moving on....

Silver Linings Playbook for me is the weakest of the Big Five. Very well acted, entertaining, heartfelt, and certainly had its charms. But David O. Russell’s manic direction was distracting and ultimately the whole thing wound up feeling like a poor man’s As Good As It Gets. I don't mean that as a diss necessarily, but As Good As It Gets was never a serious contender to win either. So thanks for playing, This Year’s Little Miss Sunshine.

Zero Dark Thirty is certainly an important film and one I admire a great deal. But not one that I (or apparently The Academy) love. For a movie about obsession and relentless pursuit it felt very slack and airless to me. And perhaps it’s just my natural dislike of procedurals but the whole thing left me cold. I know that that’s, in some way, the point, but different strokes for different folks I guess.

Now Django Unchained on the other hand left me super hot. And not at all bothered. It’s a nearly flawless masterpiece of acting, writing, and direction. It was the most fun I had at the movies this year, and the shootout scene (you know the one) might be the most graphically violent and visceral thrilling 10 minutes in film history. Django was awesome, and if it was a fraction of a percent not as good as Inglorious Basterds, well, you cant really hold that against it. But a bloody and profane B-movie is never winning the Academy Award for Best Picture of the Year. That's how it's always been, and that's how it always will be, forever. And I’m totally cool with that. But then again I still support Forrest Gump’s win over Pulp Fiction, so what do I know.

One thing I do know: the last film, and only film post-WWII, to win Best Picture without a Best Director nomination was Driving Miss Daisy. And we all know how that looks in retrospect. But even Driving Miss Daisy won awards for screenplay, and actress and had nominations for actor and supporting actor. Argo has, or potentially will have, only half of those things, at most. Which means the best analog for an Argo win would probably really be...Crash.

Now Argo is no Crash of course. It's an enjoyable and well-made movie. It's crowd pleasing, and uplifting, and not overwrought. It's the kind of movie they used to make all the time - competent, adult, and entertaining. But that's just the thing; if it had been released in 1974 it would have just blended into the pack, surrounded by a slew of movies just like it. And yet, for the second year in a row, its partially that very quality - "this movie reminds us of old movies we used to love" - that's going to propel a movie to an undeserved Best Picture victory. 

The other reason Argo is going to win is the always awesome and never regrettable "wave of sentiment" reason.

If Ben Affleck had just been nominated for Best Director, Argo wouldn't be in this spot. The day before the nominations were announced it was already an afterthought. And yet here it is days away from all-but-certain victory. Making this probably the clearest example in Oscar history of these awards being popularity contests, not art contests. The nice friendly kid got his feelings hurt by the bully and the Academy wants to make him feel better. (I can't believe I'm saying this, but if only the Academy wasn't filled with so many liberals...) It's not cool to vote for Lincoln. Sure Lincoln may be more well-directed, more well-acted, more well-written, more well-shot, more "important", more socially relevant and timely, more popular, more well-reviewed, more likely to hold up over time, more emotionally resonant, and basically better in every way, but there's nothing hip about voting for Lincoln. It's not an underdog; there's no compelling narrative that a vote for it supports. A vote for Lincoln doesn't make any sort of statement, it doesn't make you a part of anything. And ultimately that's why it's going to lose. It's the same dumb superficial reasons elections are almost always won or lost. And yet that doesn't make it any more correct.

In voting Argo Best Picture the Academy is basically giving themselves a YOLO tattoo. It's a trendy and emotion-based decision that seems right in the moment, but will look dumb in the not-so-distant future, only they'll be stuck with it for life. Sure there have been way worse decisions, but that doesn't mean this isn't still a stupid one. In the end though, its just the Oscars doing what they almost always do. Argo is a fine film, and its winning shouldn't outrage anyone. But look at this list: Slumdog Millionaire, The Kings Speech, The Artist, Argo. All solid, inoffensive, middle-brow entertainments that I found enjoyable, but which will all be completely forgotten 50 years from now. Lincoln likely wont be.

But the Oscars are now like the MLB or NFL playoffs - it's not about who's the best, it's about who gets hot at the right time. And maybe that's how it's always been. 

But that doesn't make it any less disheartening.

Should Win: Lincoln (or Amour)
Will Win: Argo


Sunday, January 06, 2013

The Top Things 30 Of 2012

After one of the worst years for pop culture ever in 2011, 2012 was one of the best. So much so that I couldn't cut my annual "Best of the Year" list down to less than thirty, and thats even with leaving off things like Zero Dark Thirty, Perks of Being a Wallflower, "Tig Notaro Live at Largo", the final monologues of The Dictator and Killing Them Softly, Channel Orange, Louie, 30 Rock, and the cast of Happy Endings that I feel like would make this list only I either haven't had a chance to experience them yet or they are ineligible due to appearing on a previous year's list (gotta spread the love). So without further ado here are my top 30 favorite things from 2012, in relatively random order.

30. “We Found Love” at the Brit Awards



Questions:
Why werent there more people talking about this?
Have I not been giving Rihanna enough credit?
Have we all not?
Is this what raves are like?
Is this what dubstep is like?
Is this the solution to all the world’s problems? More dubstep raves?
It would appear so.
In that case...DUBSTEP RAVES 2013!

Also, why are all award show performances not like this?

29. Adele at the Grammys
Answer: Because some awards show performances are like this.



I never actually watched this show which is something I never thought I would say about a Ricky Grevais project. But this one just seemed like a half-hearted attempt to redo Extras and I don’t need a poor man's Extras. Watched Extras, loved Extras, but I’m all good thanks. For five glorious minutes though Lifes Too Short was better than anything Extras ever produced. Yes, including the Ian McKellan bit.

Also, how did Liam Neeson not win an Emmy for this? Or did he? I really don’t know. But this is probably his finest work. Suck it Schindler’s List.

28. Kristen Bell’s sloth story on Ellen


Before watching this I had absolutely no opinion on Kristen Bell. In fact I wasn’t entirely certain that she wasn’t Kristen Chenowith. But now I know exactly who she is – she’s the greatest person on Earth.

(And who said talk shows were a dying relic, a vestigial limb from woebegone entertainment industry age? Oh, everyone? Okay then…)

26. fun. – “Stars”
I have a new answer for the question “what kind of music do you like”. And that answer is “Stars” by fun. Or more generally speaking, seven minute long Elton John-inspired ELO songs made by Kanye worshipping musical theater nerds. All of those songs.

A friend of mine once said that their favorite song was “Scenes From An Italian Restaurant” because “you get three songs for the price of one.” And there’s an element of that in my love of this song certainly. But still, all I know is that if I had heard this song at age 16 it would have blown my mind off. I would have gotten it tattooed on my face. Even at 30 I can’t fully believe it exists and I didn’t make it.

As with the shins and Phoenix before them I’ll gladly take down my “First!” flag with regards to fun. (I had a conversation about fun. with a friend the day BEFORE their FIRST EVER live appearance together as a band) and cede ownership of them to the masses for the greater good of the band and all mankind. So while this song is mine, it’s also everyone else’s.

But mostly it’s mine.

25. Searching for Sugar Man
This is why fact is better than fiction. Because there's no way you could make up this story if you tried. And if you somehow did there's no way it's climax could provoke as emotional a reaction from the viewer as the real thing does. I'd love to say more, but the less you know about this music documentary going in the better. Just know you wont have seen a more unbelievable story in a long long time.

(Semi-pseudo-spoiler: If you have seen the movie, or know the story, then I'd just like to add that one of my main thoughts is that with how interconnected the world is today a story like this one wouldn't be possible anymore. And if this story had instead unfolded the way it would today, would that have been a better or a worse thing for all involved? It's really hard to say.)

24. Girls
This show. This fuckin’ show.

What is there left to say about Girls? No seriously, because whatever there is left to say I’d like to say it. If you take all the articles about Girls off the Internet there’d be nothing left but cat videos and pictures of Ryan Gosling, and yet I still feel like we should be talking about this show more. I could talk til the end of days and still not be satisfied. Because this show isn’t just perfectly in my wheelhouse it’s in my Hearst Castle surrounded floor to ceiling with nothing but my wheels.

Let me just say though that with all the talk about this show the one thing I don’t hear near enough is how good Allison Williams is. “Revelation” feels too minor. Tour de force doesn’t really capture it. All I know is that she should win all the Emmys ever. And then Lena Dunham should win all the rest.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to look into the legality of human/TV show marriage. Because I’m in love with Girls.

23. Anne Hathaway in Les Miz
My best friend adamantly believes that Anne Hathaway is the best actress of her generation. It's one of those statements that sounds crazy until you realize that it's totally not. Who else could, in the same year, be by far the best thing in both a Batman movie and Les Miz. And be as heartbreaking and unglamorous in one as they are sexy and funny in the other. Anne's "I Dreamed a Dream" will not only win her an Oscar, but it also got her officially named Prom Queen of Theater Camp. So step off haterz, cuz I'm ride or die Team Hathaway.

22. "Caine's Arcade"
This is the anti-"Kony 2012". A simple issue, a simple task, enormous sized joy and good. The world is indisputably better by mere virtue of this video’s existence. No further action required. And it’s exactly the kind of thing we should be using the Internet for.

More things like this please, Internet People.

21. "Gungan Style"




More things like this as well.
(Stick with it, it's not what it seems like at first)

20. Twitter's response to Clint Eastwood at the Republican convention
Continuing the theme of great things from the Internet, we now have the answer to one of the great questions of our lives: what would it have been like if twitter had existed when Dick Cheney shot that man in the face? Only this was even better because it lasted longer and unfolded in real time. It was the original "premiere of Liz and Dick" only more meaningful and universal (all words in this paragraph are being used loosely). It was twitter's finest hour. And it was the crowning achievement of my generation. 

Our grandparents may have defeated the Nazis, but we made perfectly crafted jokes in 140 characters or less about those very same grandparents. Suck it Ghost of Hitler! #greatestgeneration

19. Episodes 4-13 Of Mad Men season 5
After starting out slow, season 5 of the second-greatest TV show of all time went on one of the greatest run of episodes television has ever seen. Nearly every week the episode would end and I would think “that was the best episode Mad Men has ever done” only to feel the exact same way the very next week.

With all due respect to Breaking Bad, a show I dearly love (because I am a human being with a brain), what separates Mad Men from the other Sub-Wire Greats is that it’s actually about something. And not just "selling meth will corrupt you", or “the mafia is a metaphor for America” but about us. All of us here in America. Our shared past. Our social structures. Our morality, our aging, and our lives. In the past few weeks alone I’ve referred to someone as “his Meghan”, wondered out loud if my experience of listening to dubstep is what Don felt when he heard “Tomorrow Never Knows”, and compared Mitt Romney’s failed presidential campaign to Joan Holloway.

Because of Mad Men I can never look at the past the same way. Which means I can never look at the present the same way. Or the future. Which means I’ll always expect Mad Men to hit the same heights in did the last half of season 5. So good luck Matthew Weiner.

18. FUDS menu
I’m often prone to hyperbole but I feel confident that this is not one of those times: I have never laughed harder at anything in my life than I laughed (and continue to laugh) at the FUDS menu. I laughed so hard I couldn’t see straight. I laughed so hard I was actually falling out of my chair. I laughed so hard I had to stop reading several times because it was hurting too much. I literally couldn’t take it. If I could travel back in time to do one thing, I wouldn’t stop the Holocaust, I would read the FUDS menu again for the first time. This is the Citizen Kane of 21st century menu parodies. This. Is. Comedy.

It’s everyone’s favorite after-school-program-produced snack-referencing hip-hop uber-hit!

I know it’s been said ad-nauseum at this point, but the rapping on this thing is so good it almost feels like HAS to be ghost-written. Yet it’s so clearly authentically from a tween’s perspective that there’s no doubt it wasn’t.

But seriously, lines like “I’m on point like an elbow/hands red like Elmo” and “boatloads of them skittles starburst fritos and Doritos/but nothing can compare to the H-O-T Cheetos” and “I look and I said ‘no ma’am’/I go HAM in the grocery store”? Rick Ross hasn’t ever written anything even half as good as any of those and he "scoop Emmy winners like kitty litter".

Mr. Holland only wishes his kids could produce an opus like this.

16. Usian Bolt
One of my earliest clear memories is of watching the 1988 Summer Olympics. And yet I recently had to Wikipedia who exactly Jackie Joyner Kersee was. In the summer of 1996 my life revolved around the Atlanta Olympics, yet I recently couldn’t recall what events Michael Johnson ran. And although I watched every night of coverage of the Sydney Olympics I was legitimately stunned to read that Nastia Lukin won overall gold that year and not Shawn Johnson. The point is that even being the best of the best at something that the whole world watched, being an icon, being a national sporting hero doesn’t mean you’ll be remembered very long. But I know with absolute certainty I’ll remember everything about Usain Bolt until my dying day.

Usain Bolt is why we sit through the millions (billions?) of hours of often boring and meaningless and forgettable sporting events. So that every once in awhile we will see perfection. See a human being do something that literally leaves us speechless. See something that we know we will never see again and will remember always. Usain Bolt makes it all worth it.

Perhaps the greatest thing I can say about Usain Bolt is not that when faced with the greatest 100m final field of all time there was absolutely no doubt he would win, or that no one in history has ever made greatness look so effortless, or that he made winning one race seem like a much bigger deal than winning the most medals in Olympic history. It’s that I and every other non-Jamaican on the planet were/are such big Usain Bolt that we were actively rooting for him against our own countries. If one of the US sprinters had beaten him I would have actually been angry with them, not proud. I doubt we’ll ever have that experience again in our lifetimes. Which is the very sentence that keeps us watching sports. So thanks Usain Bolt. We’re now all off in search of our next fix.

Speaking of which…

15. Linsanity
Sometimes sports are perfectly imperfect.  They’re euphoric, and uniting, and heartbreaking, and messy, and unsatisfying in all the ways the life truly is. And like the first weeks of true love, or landing a dream job, or selling that first screenplay, or holding a newborn child in your arms Linsanity was magical and blissful and made being alive the only thing you’d ever want to do forever. But it couldn’t last because nothing does. Love becomes routine, and the job is stressful, and words get changed without your consent, and your kid needs things and talks back and it’s all still good, but now it’s real, and real is less fun. But also it’s the most fun there is. Because what other than reality could give birth to an event like Linsanity? 
Now that it's over, maybe we’ll run into each other at a party, Linsanity and us, and it will seem strange that we were ever together. Like some half remembered dream that happened to someone else. But we’ll reminisce about old times and smile, because those were the days weren't they? And no matter what else might pass between us we’ll always have the Laker game.

14. Mark Harris' "Oscarmetrics" columns for Grantland
One of my favorite writers writing for my favorite website on my absolute favorite topic? It’s shockingly not too good to be true.

In an alternate reality writing this exact column is the exact job I have, only I don’t do it half as well. I would be mad at Mr. Harris for stealing so many thoughts straight out of my head, if only they weren’t so enjoyable to read. Plus, I beat him in Oscar predictions so it all evens out. 

This is the sound of speeding down a nearly empty freeway, either heading to or coming from an epic night out.

It’s the sound of The Hold Steady covering an Andrew WK song.

It’s the sound of my ears bleeding with joy.

12. "Eye of the Sparrow: A Bad Lip Reading of the First 2012 Presidential Debate"


This shouldn't be on the Internet; this should be in an art museum.


11. Bobby Cannavale on Boardwalk Empire
Sometimes I feel like I'm living in an alternate reality from everyone else. Watching Boardwalk Empire is one of those times. I watch Boardwalk Empire and I see a perfectly crafted, well written, expectly acted show that's only the slightest step down from the Greatest TV Drama Mount Rushmore level. And yet the world at large treats Boardwalk Empire like an empty, unremarkable slog that no one cares about. And I, for the life of me, cant figure out how I and the world at large are watching the same show. 

Never has that been more clear than in the case of Bobby Cannavale. In a cast full of great actors Bobby Canavale burst onto the scene this year and from his first appearance on screen towered over all of them with a Pacino-in-his-prime intensity. I thought no actor alive could top the dearly departed Michael Pitt, but Bobby Cannavale made me forget he even existed. Watching Bobby Cannavale this year I saw a superstar giving one of the all-time great TV performances. And yet his mainstream buzz was minimal at best. Just like the show itself.

Wake up people. The new Sopranos is happening in front of you and you're looking right through it.

10. SNL - "Dylan McDermott or Dermot Mulroney"
Another case of "Are We Watching The Same Thing?". I've seen multiple "Best Of 2012 SNL" lists and this sketch hasnt been on any of them. But to me it's clearly and indispuatbly one of the best post-More Cowbell sketches the show has done. There's nothing about it that's not perfect.

I’m always a sucker for earnest white person covers of hip hop songs, but this is a whole ‘nother level. I’ve watched this far more than any other YouTube clip this year, and yet no matter how many times I watch it, when the crowd all yells “Beastie Boys” together it gets me every time. Every single time. It’s magic and it’s Coldplay’s finest moment and it’s the best MCA tribute that will ever exist.
Thank you Chris Martin.


8. Felix Baumgartner
The most 2012 thing to happen in 2012 is that a man jumped from outer space. A MAN JUMPED FROM OUTER SPACE. We may not have flying cars or hoverboards, but a man jumped from outer space and we watched it live on the internet. Welcome to the future.

7. PSY - “Gangnam Style”
Looking back, it was quite the year for YouTube-fueled pseudo-novelty pop song phenomenons. Or maybe that’s just how the music industry works now. Perhaps, at long last, video finally HAS killed the radio star.

I’ve often made the case the lyrics don’t really matter. I mean good ones can enhance a song, obviously. But so can a good sax solo. And bad lyrics can ruin a song, as every Black Eyed Peas song ever can attest. But really, they don’t matter all that much. And Exhibit A in defense of that theory is “Gangnam Style”, a song with exactly four English words, which was nevertheless a huge hit.

Pretty crazy that one of the biggest new pop stars of 2012 was a 31 year old slightly pudgy very average looking South Korean guy. It’s almost like ANYONE can be famous these days…

(If at this late date you're still interested in further reading on "Gangnam Style" this article from the Atlantic is pretty great: "Gangnam Style, Dissected: The Subversive Message Within South Korea's Music Video Sensation")

6. The processing scene in The Master
The movie itself was kind of a mess. A lot of sound and fury signifying what I'm not quite sure. But it was worth the price of admission and then some for the acting in this scene alone. Philip Seymour Hoffman is the best non-Daniel Day-Lewis actor alive, and he's at the apex of his powers here. And Joaquin Phoenix transcends classifications like "good" or "not good" and operates in this scene on a level where I actually fear that he himself is mentally not well. Like the eternal question - "would you want to be able to paint like Van Gogh if it meant that you would be so unhappy and unstable that you would cut off your own ear" - I almost don't know if I would want to be able to give Joaquin Phoenix's performance in this scene. Because being able to act that well would likely mean that I was insane. And I dont think any art is worth my sanity. But then I think about the scene again and it's so incredible that I think "maybe it would be worth it...". So while I cant say for sure whether his performance is "good" or not I can say that it makes me seriously question the value of sanity. And if that's not high praise then I don't know what is.

5. This is 40
Any money over zero dollars that this movie made was a minor miracle. It’s a comedy without “jokes”, it’s depressing and “slow”, and it’s target audience is like maybe 1,000 rich middle-aged couples who live on the west side of Los Angeles. Yet my main complaint was that it was too commercial. The whole time I kept wishing that Judd Apatow had had the balls to go all the way and completely do away with the concept of plot altogether. Plot is only holding him back at this point. He should release himself from it and fly free, before he has to veer back in a more conventional direction in order to make enough money to pay for his daughters’ sure-to-be-massive therapy bills. Which will be a shame because the more he alienates his audience, the more interesting his movies get. I’d rather watch forty This is 40s than one 40-Year-Old Virgin. I only wish it had been 40 times longer. I’m probably alone in that but whatever. If Judd Apatow is our Woody Allen this is his Manhattan. And I can’t wait for his Interiors.

4. Lincoln
Movies never live up to the hype. But sometimes they do. Sometimes they exceed all expectations.

Strangely Lincoln feels nothing like a Spielberg movie, yet it also totally does, in the absolute best way possible. Tony Kushner somehow beat Aaron Sorkin at his own game by writing the best episode of The West Wing ever made. Tommy Lee Jones somehow made me totally okay with him likely beating out a career-best Philip Seymour Hoffman performance for an Oscar. And Daniel Day-Lewis was somehow, improbably, able to make "Daniel Day-Lewis playing Abraham Lincoln" even better than "Daniel Day-Lewis playing Abraham Lincoln" sounds on paper. Is Daniel Day-Lewis the greatest film actor of all time? Is that a legitimate question? Or is it not even a question any more?

Most importantly though, before I saw this movie I always thought Abraham Lincoln was overrated as a president. Now I think he might be one of the greatest and most interesting human beings who ever lived. 

The power of drama at its finest.

3. Kanye ft. Big Sean and Jay-Z - "Clique"
By Kanye standards, it wasnt a huge year for Kanye, but nevertheless "Clique" is a worthy winner of this year's "Best Thing By Kanye West Of The Year" slot on my year end countdown 

2. The Daily Show, 11/15/2012
And the winner of this year's annual "Best Thing By The Daily Show of The Year" award is this!

1. “Call Me Maybe”
Lastly....

It’s a "Call Me Maybe" world, we just live in it. It’s a world in which we are now subservient to our Canadian musical overlords (lordesses?). A world where Carly Rae Jepsen’s #occupyyoureardrums movement united the 99% in a show of solidarity not seen since “Hey Ya” (btw, in this case the 1% was deaf people). Resistance was futile. And also un-American-Canadian. It’s a world where a mainstream pop song was the biggest thing to happen to the Internet since cats. It’s a world I never want to not live in. And I know that from here on out whenever I hear “Call Me Maybe” it will always be 2012.

Hey Carly Rae, you got the ability to single-handedly revive mono-culture? Well, then call me definitely.