Crash Into Paul Haggis's Face With A Hammer

Crash just fucking won Best Picture. All night Ive been sitting here writing some good jokes and comments for your amusement, but you know what, I really don’t feel like typing them up now because who the hell cares - Crash just won Best Picture. This is like the time Two Against Nature beat Marshall Matters LP for Album of the Year only 800 billion times worse. In fact I think the term infinity was created to describe how much worse this is than that. Forever and ever until the end of time Crash will be listed as the best picture of 2005. How?!? Really, how is this possible?!? I know back in the 50s there were some pretty bad Best Picture winners but really, nothing can possibly be worse than Crash. Its ridiculous, clichéd, insulting, and has absolutely no redeeming qualities. My roommate Dave and I really want someone who thought Crash was a good movie to explain why they thought so. We’re serious with that. I’m not being sarcastic and I'm not just wanting someone to tell me so that I can argue with them, but I really truly do want to understand how and/or why people think it was a good movie. So if you thought it was good, please contact me somehow and explain why. I am completely and genuinely 100% curious to understand why someone would think Crash was award worthy and will be very grateful to anyone who could help shine light on this subject. But now I’m off to go get drunk at 12:30 on a Sunday night. Never before has an awards show driven me to drink, but this one has. I’ve waited all year and devoted so much energy into the Academy Awards just to see absolute garbage like Crash win Best Picture. I thought when I heard Jack Nicholson announce Crash as the winner he was going to say “just kidding”. I was in shock, and I’m still in shock. I’m also already drinking heavily. I think Dave and I are going to go buy a copy of Crash on DVD and smash it with a hammer just to vent our frustration. I wish I had at some point won an Oscar so I could return it to the Academy in protest. I’m very upset. Okay I’m going to go to bed and maybe when I wake up this will have never happened. Good night, and I hope Paul Haggis dies in fiery plane crash.