Guilty as Charged

Hi there. I’m writing really small because I have an important and very personal secret to reveal to you today.

I like a Kelly Clarkson song.

Yes, that Kelly Clarkson. I like one of her songs.

No I don’t think U you understand. I really, REALLY like a Kelly Clarkson song. I like a Kelly Clarkson song so much that after living in place for seven months that didn’t allow me to illegally download music the first thing I did upon setting up my computer in my new place was to download said Kelly Clarkson song. I did that before I even hooked up my printer or speakers. That’s how much I like “Since U Been Gone”. And believe it or not, I’m not even gay! So I don’t even have a valid excuse.

Oh yeah, except this one: It’s a good song.

Now I do realize I’m revealing this secret on the internet in an online blog, the province of the innately hip and judgmental. I know that people like you never let arguments like “it’s a good song” get in the way of your cultural superiority. But guess what? You like it too. Don’t worry though, Ted Leo said its okay. In fact he liked the song so much he did a cover of it. That’s right, Mr. Ted Leo, of Ted Leo and the Pharmacists – the most hip pretentious band name since Stephan Malkimus and the Jicks or whatever Billy Corgan’s next band is called - did a cover of “Since U Been Gone”. So there. Fredtheonlinejournal and Ted Leo both have publicly stated they like “Since U Been Gone”. What you got to say about that?

Now “cool” people have been secretly liking “manufactured radio friendly pop songs” since the beginning of time. I’m sure Olaf the Caveman used to keep his Goldor Boys CDs in a special CD case under his bed where no one would find them. And this continues today. I know you’ve got your ABBA Gold in between your A Tribe Called Quest and your Aphex Twin on your Ipod. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. And that’s what me and Ted Leo are here to tell you: Stop feeling guilty about your guilty pleasures.

Now I know all the reasons one “should” feel guilty about liking a radio friendly pop song produced by some faceless corporate entity and performed by some prepackaged artificial pop star, but I aint buyin any of them. As proof let me one by one remove them from my ideological shopping cart so we can proceed to the conclusion without them.

*“(Fill in the blank) doesn’t write their own songs!”

Well neither did Elvis or Frank Sinatra or Aretha Franklin. Hell Bobby Darin’s entire career was founded on a song by Bertolt Brecht. Ray Charles didn’t write “Georgia on My Mind” On”, Sinead O’Connor didn’t write “Nothing Compares to U”, Marvin Gaye wasn’t the original author of “Whats Goin On” and Sisquo didn’t write “The Thong Song”. Does that somehow make them not as good? Actually lets just forget that last one. I think Sisquo actually DID write “The Thong Song”.

*“(Fill in the blank) doesn’t play their own instruments!”

Did Otis Redding play an instrument? Did Robert Plant? Does Bono? Does Meg White?

*”(Fill in the blank) is so mainstream and/or lacking in artistic merit!”

You know who was the biggest mainstream pop band of all time? The Beatles. I mean what else would you classify their music as? You know who else is “pop”? The B-52s, Brian Wilson, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Billy Joel, Fleetwood Mac, Elton John, Phil Spector, Carol King, Prince, Steely Dan, Todd Rundgren, ELO, The Bee Gees, and the list goes on and on. You like any music by any of those artists? Then what’s the big deal?

Well, let me assume some things about the general attitude many people around here have towards pop music because we all know what assuming does.

It makes me really cool.

“Pop” is short for “popular”. Which is what you weren’t earlier in life, or maybe even today. Okay, I get it. But don’t take it out on music. “Mmmbop” never shoved you in a locker. “Cry Me A River” never wouldn’t go to the dance with you. “Fred the Online Journal” didn’t just use a double negative in that last sentence. “I’m” not a liar. But I am veering wildly off track. Point is, get down off your high horse and accept that just because something is popular doesn’t mean it’s bad. In fact if the goal of art is to express universal truths then shouldn’t it stand to reason that the art that speaks to the greatest number of people is greater than the art that speaks to only a few. “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill”, “Joshua Tree”, “American Idiot”, “Nevermind”, “OK Computer”- these are albums that are able to be of the highest artistic quality and yet also be found in nearly everyone’s CD collection. Now of course those are all “cool” albums, but we all know you have “Thriller”, “Cracked Rear View”, “Justified”, “Devil Without a Cause”, “Saturday Night Fever”, “The Immaculate Collection”, a few 20th Century Master’s CDs, and who knows what else too. And you know what? Those albums aren’t any less valid. They serve just as a great a purpose as the ones on the first list. And I should know because I own them all too. And I’m proud of it. Because SOMETHING about those multi-million copy selling CDs speaks to great numbers of people, even if the only thing it speaks to is the desire to “shake your ass” and/or “watch yourself”. But even if getting you to dance is its only real goal, popular mainstream songs definitely serve an invaluable role in the world. Pop music strives to create a shared experience among all people. A sort of musical bond. Put on Wilco at a social function and it’s nice and all, but put on “YMCA” “Bohemian Rhapsody” or “Ice Ice Baby” and see what happens. The world needs songs that EVERYONE knows and enjoys.

Also, these songs often speak in the most direct way to universal themes. Love, betrayal, lust, longing, hurt. You know, those cliché things called emotions. You can’t tell me that “Sometimes” by Britney Spears and “What a Girl Wants” by Christina Aguliara aren’t deep in their own ways. And explain to me how Beck singing “Na na Na na na na Na na” or “flashdance asspants” is any more artistically valid than Hanson singing “Mmmbop ba du ba dop Ba du bop”. Is it just because he’s Beck and they’re Hanson? That argument won’t hold up in court.

Instead of fighting it, just embrace that fact that sometimes when you need a little directness or a little nonsense it doesn’t really matter where it comes from. Which brings us back to “Since U Been Gone”, a song that carries on the proud tradition of “I Will Survive”, “Survivor”, and everything else in the “I’m Better Off Without You” genre. Sure when you have a breakup, “Sea Change” and Elliot Smith are nice. But I bet some mid 90’s country music and “Since U Been Gone” work pretty good too.

Someone wiser than I once said there’s not “high art” and “low art”, there’s just “art”. And I think that’s true. And in fact trying to go against that maxim usually leads to trouble. For as many songs as there are like “Since U Been Gone” that shouldn’t be good but are, there are just as many songs that should be good but aren’t because they try so hard to be “artistic”. For exhibits A-Z turn to Bright Eyes’ “When the President Talks to God”. It’s a great song lyrically and I firmly believe it could have actually made a difference in the election if the words and ideas in it had been heard by more people. But of course Connor Oberst wrapped his lyrics in a strictly acoustic song devoid of any rhythm or melody. If he had actually wanted to make a difference with his song he would have added a bunch of “music” to it, actually bothered to sing the words, and given it some sort of catchy or memorable or at least existent melody. That way it could have been played on the radio reached the people who needed to hear it and really made a difference in the world. Instead he refused to sacrifice one ounce of his “indie cred” to actually make a difference in the world and instead made the song as hip and inaccessible as possible insuring that it would only ever be heard by and affect those who already agreed with him in the first place. It would be like if John Fogarty had said “hey I’ve got this song ‘Fortunate Son’ but instead of putting a melody to it and singing the words, I’m gonna strum a chord on my acoustic guitar every few seconds and speak the words in a really grating aggressive pretentious voice.” I mean, it’s just ridiculous. Most these “indie bands” will never change the world because they hold it in such contempt. Their fear of pop and the common man will hold them back from ever really making an impact on the world. Ironic that liberalism is supposed to be about openness and acceptance and yet “we” can’t tolerate anyone different than us, or who listens to Britney Spears.

Now this isn’t to defend someone who only listens to pop. But it’s just speaking out against people who aren’t well rounded and accepting of good art and entertainment no matter where it might come from. The person who only listens to Britney Spears is no worse than the person who only listens to jazz or only listens to hip hop. One may be stupid and the other just too specialized, but either way they are both missing out on the fullness of life. So don’t be that guy or gal who takes that pretentious tone and says “I don’t watch TV” or “I don’t listen to the radio” or some other such thing. Such there’s a lot of crap out there, but there’s a lot of good too. Now this is coming from someone who’s as guilty of these sins as anyone, but it’s also coming from someone who coined the phrase “just because it’s on the radio doesn’t mean its bad”. And it’s that side of me I’m going to listen to now. I’m committed to becoming a reformed cultural snob. I can change. We all can. And that’s why I’m admitting to all of this here today.

So repeat after me:
“If it’s good, it’s good…even if Kelly Clarkson sings it”

It’s alright, just say it. Pop music wont bite. It’s perfectly harmless. In fact the way I see it, pop music is like chocolate- it doesn’t really provide any nourishment and if you ate it all the time you would be a fat slovenly bum who would die of a heart attack at age 40, but it does bring pleasure to your life, and when you DO eat it, it’s damn good. So eat your vegetables and your fruits and your grilled chicken pita wraps, but don’t forget dessert. And when you eat that dessert, don’t feel ashamed. Don’t feel “guilty”. Because unless you’re friends with Laura Flynn Boyle, then everyone you know eats their fair share of sweets. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Indulge a little and don’t be embarrassed about it or feel the need to pretend you didn’t enjoy it or purge it from your system afterwards. Don’t be cultural bulimics. Don’t feel bad about enjoying “The Wedding Crashers”. Don’t hide your copy of “Mean Girls” when you have company. Don’t act like you don’t know the words to “Baby Got Back”. Because when it comes to songs like “Baby Got Back” and “Since U Been Gone” you can’t say they are not catchy, or that they don’t make you want to get up and dance (or at least move around excitedly).
But if you want to accuse them of giving you pleasure…well then…I guess they’re guilty.


Top 3 & 1/2 of the Week:
1.) The Rita Watch (word to my peeps in H-Town)
2.) Common - "Be" (album)
3.) Scrabble
3 & 1/2.) ESPN


Thought of the Week:
"I dont think there are going to be any parents naming their kids Katrina for at least five years now. Just like there havent been too many kids born lately named Nine Eleven." - Caroline McGraw