A List of How Selected Jay-Z Song Titles Would Be Different If He Had Spent His Youth Working on a Shrimping Boat

- “Big Shrimpin’”

- “Money, Cash, Shrimp”

- “(Brush That) Shrimp Off Your Shoulder”

- “Can I Get A…Shrimp Cocktail”

- “99 Problems (Several Of Which Relate To The Catching And Selling Of Shrimp, A Bitch Not Being Among Those)”

- That last item might not have been grammatically correct.

- Well look, Jay- Z, I’m sorry I made a potentially grammatically incorrect joke involving one of your songs titles, but its not like you’re perfect. I mean come on, like you’ve never written something that had questionable syntax. How about “Fo shizzle my nizzle used to dribble down in VA”? Not exactly Shakespeare there Mr. Carter.

- Okay so you may be a world famous rapper and record company president and I may just be a guy who has stretched a one joke premise well past its breaking point and is now searching desperately for a way to end it, but still, that gives you no right to talk to me like that. And I may have my faults, but unlike you at least I don’t have to result to name calling and threats of violence. And at least I’m not named after a New York City subway line. And at least my girlfriend doesn’t shop Wal-Mart.

- Yes, I would be okay with taking this outside.

- Okay now that I’ve followed you outside can you explain why you wanted me to do so?

- Ow! You shot me!

- Hey wait, don’t just leave me here! Come back!

- Oh God I’m bleeding profusely. Can someone please help me?

- FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE PLEASE CALL 911!

- (sound of me gasping for air)

- …..