8:06 - Pretty solid job, Mr. Gervais, but not outstanding. Still, always nice to have you around.
8:20 - So Mo'Nique gets an hour to speak, but Pete Doctor gets about five seconds tops? Maybe if he had taken 20 minutes to get to the stage...
8:28 - They're trying to break the world record for most shots of Penelope Cruz during a three hour telecast. They're going to obliterate it at this rate. I've counted 58 so far.
8:31 - MASSIVE UPSET ALERT! If you had Felicity Huffman in your "Most Embarrassingly Drunk" office pool, congrats! None of the rest of us saw that coming at all.
8:40 - I'm convinced that Al Pacino was so tired of being the obvious answer to the question "which formerly great actor has most lost his mind in old age?" that he decided to pay for Harrison Ford's lobotomy.
8:45 - After seeing Crazy Heart, I think T. Bone Burnett is an even bigger Oscar lock than Christoph Waltz. With that in mind, he really needs to work on his speech giving ability.
8:50 - Okay this night has officially turned into a Thank-Your-Spouse-Off. Thanks a lot, Mo'Nique...
8:52 - We can all agree on Amy Adams can't we?
8:56 - In terms of totally and completely changing your image from drug addled mess to family-friendly mainstream film star, Drew Barrymore is the female equivalent of Robert Downey Jr. isn't she? I mean does anyone even remember when she flashed David Letterman? That's all been swept under the rug at this point.
9:01 - Highlight of the year coming in 3...2...1...
"I wish my name was T-Bone"
JACKPOT!
Oh Meryl, I don't know how you do it (actually I do) but you never disappoint. All is right with the world for a whole nother year.
9:16 - Okay scratch that Drew Barrymore comment....
9:27 - So lemme get this straight Golden Globes: you knew Alec Baldwin wouldn't be there to accept if he won, and yet you still didn't give Best Comedy Actor to Steve Carell?
You knew Ricky Gervais was going to be hosting right?
9:34 - We're standing for Sophia Loren? Name a Sophia Loren movie other than Two Women (Nine doesn't count). You couldn't do it could you? So then why are we standing for her? Because she's not dead? I don't understand.
9:39 - If I played fantasy sports my team name would definitely be "Jon Hamm's Beard"
9:46 - Taylor Lautner how can you introduce (500) Days of Summer and not make some joke comparing it to you and Taylor Swift? There were at least three different perfect opportunities to do so. You're dead to me now. (Note: You were never alive to me)
9:47 - Rachel Dratch was in Hung? And she changed her name to Jane Adams?
9:47 - Chloe Sevigny I think that dress might be the most embarrassing and disgusting thing that has ever happened to you, and keep in mind that you once blew Vincent Gallo on film.
10:01 - Holy shit Marty, thats quite the imdb page you've got there
10:05 - I think Martin Scorsese might be the last person left on earth who still refers to movies as "pictures". It's endearing.
10:06 - So are we supposed to be taking Mel Gibson seriously again now? Is that a thing?
(Also, not to ruin Edge of Darkness for you, but it turns out that the Jews did it.)
10:17 - No more quoting from your own movie in your acceptance speeches James Cameron! Have you learned nothing?!?
10:19 - Holy shit. Who the hell is Olivia Wilde and where can I watch her do things?
10:25 - Hey it's Jodie Foster. See Lindsey Lohan, there is a classy way to be a former child star/questionable lesbian.
10:30 - Why is Ed Helms' song from The Hangover not considered a legitimate awards contender? Seriously, name five original songs from this year that are more memorable and important to their respective films than that one. You can't.
10:35 - Oh man, its good to have Mickey Rourke back in our lives again.
10:36 - Do we really live in a world where The Blind Side wins major awards? I don't know if this is a world I care to live in.
10:42 - Most underrated person in the world: Lauren Graham
10:47 - Ladies and gentlemen, your Best Actor Oscar race just got decided. George and Colin, thanks for playing.
10:57 - DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugh. I'm going to bed.
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