Border Patrol

Note: Originally written for Dutchwest. And maybe the shortest thing ever posted here. Nevertheless, enjoy. Ill have something longer soon.

Border Patrol

I’ve been hearing a lot recently about the immigrant debate going in this country. Illegal immigrants are fighting for their rights while other people are fighting to get them out of our country. These people claim that the immigrants are stealing our jobs, using up our resources, and threatening our very way of life. And I must say I agree with them 100 percent. Like them, I think that a wall should be built along our border.
Because we must find a way to keep out all these fucking Canadians.

Sure they do jobs Americas don’t want to do, like play hockey, watch Blue Jays games and be Mike Myers. And sure some of them are fine people. But most of them are dirty, lazy Canucks

Not that this is a racial thing.

Because it isn’t…

Not in the least bit.

It’s just that these people aren’t true Americans. I mean what’s with that “eh” crap? If you want to live in America learn how to speak proper English already! And if it wasn’t bad enough that their music was taking over our airwaves (thanks Celine and Alanis), now I come to find out that they have their own version of The National Anthem. It’s called “Oh, Canada”. “Oh, Get Out Of My Country” is more like it!

And its not just Canadians that bother me either. It’s all immigrants of Anglo-Saxon heritage. The Welsh and the Australians are coming over here every day on their homemade rafts or as stowaways on cargo ships. And they’re all alike. They look the same, they talk the same, but yet when you call some guy “Canadian” he has to correct you and say, “actually I’m British”. Who cares? I mean like it really matters. What’s the difference anyway? They’re all fucking “sticky backs” in my eyes. (So named cuz of, you know, all the maple syrup in Canada.)

So listen up Canucks. There are three and only three things you’re good for:
- your incredibly sexy entertainers like Rachel McAdams, Neve Campbell, and John Candy
- your food and drink which consist of syrup, Labatt Blue, and apparently something called fiddleheads
- and your vaguely American seeming cities where underage Americans can go party, get drunk, and obtain illegal goods and services.

If you notice, nowhere on that list was “populate Vermont”. So get your dirty, syrupy, hockey-loving asses out of my country right now and don’t ever come back. Or as you would say in Canada, “get your dirty syrupy, hockey-loving asses out of my country right now and don’t ever come back, eh?”



Top 3 & 1/2 of the Week:
1.) HBO on Demand
2.) Lucky Louie
3.) British music magazines
3 & 1/2.) Astoria Park


Thought of the Week:
I know it might be called myspace, but somehow I dont feel a very strong sense of ownership about it.