Fun. Fun! And the Grammys!!

"If you fancy yourself a follower of popular music, you're probably aware that the 55th-annual Grammy Awards take place on Sunday. Or you may have already stopped reading after "Gra-." For a few years now, I've been telling anyone that'll let me get to "-mmy" that this is our most underrated awards show — the telecast's ratio of performances (there are, like, 100 of them in three hours) to award presentations (maybe eight at the most) makes it relatively breezy viewing by the tedious standards of our annual celebrity prom nights. The Grammys are watchable because — unlike the Oscars, which handle their statues with a reverent solemnity more appropriate for the recently resurrected or a puppy rigged with plastic explosives — the awards don't get in the way."

-Steven Hyden

Thank you Steven Hyden for writing one of the best and most accurate things ever written about The Grammys. And thanks for holding it down for Team Grammy with me. There arent a ton of us out there. Which doesnt make a lot of sense since it's the most entertaining awards show by far, and every year there are at least one or two performances that knock you on your ass. This year seemed especially promising because for the first time in my lifetime there were no embarrassing nominees in any of the four major categories. And the Album of the Year category contained five worthy, current, non-ridiculous nominees for the first time maybe ever. Maybe for once the awards themselves could actually approach the quality of the awards show. It looked to be a banner year for my beloved Grammys. Things didnt exactly turn out as hoped. Turns out that without the suspense of the Grammys possibly doing something ridiculous and infuratating, the awards themselves felt even more meaningless than usual. And it was a pretty down year for performances too. I never thought I'd say this about the Grammys, but they almost skewed too young. The random mixture of big names from music's past and hip younger acts is part of what makes the Grammys great. I can see Maroon 5 perform with Alicia Keys on any awards show (not that I'd want to). But still, an average Grammys is better than the best of just about any other awards show. But I dont need to tell you all this. Because if you've made it this far you then that means that you too watched and enjoyed this years Grammys (or else you're hoping this will soon turn into the article about grandparents that you were hoping for, which, in a way, it already has). So let me hit you with some quick random thoughts on the show before breaking down each performance and the four major awards. It's like a live blog, only after the fact and pointless.

LOOSE THOUGHTS

*Things I exclaimed out loud during the Grammys:

-Lena Dunham!
(speaking of which, where was Carey Mulligan?)

-Solange!
(why did they make her sit next to Jay-Z instead of her sister though?)

-Prince!
(there’s nothing in life Prince doesn’t make better)

-“Forrest Gump”!

-Why am I yelling about the Grammys!

*John Mayer, I have seen Nate Ruess’ hair. Nate Ruess’ hair was a friend of mine. And your hair, sir, is no Nate Ruess’ hair.

*The fact that the Grammys didn’t have a performance of “Call Me Maybe” this year - worse than the Holocaust, or not quite as bad? Discuss.

 *Tyler the Creator’s outfit wins the Grammy Award for Most Tyler the Creator

*“We’ve gone 5 whole minutes without cutting to Taylor Swift! You’re all fired!” – Grammy producer
(I love Taylor, but can we officially make Jay-Z the Jack Nicholson of the Grammys instead? He’s so close to being there already.)

*“Oh, what’s this? Another Grammy Award then? Okay, that’s cool I guess” - Adele

*Based solely on his outfit I want to be best friends with The-Dream. Which raises a question that’s always bothered me: why can’t people at the Oscars dress like the people do at the Grammys? It would be so much more fun. (The condition, not the band)

*My all-time favorite awards show moment is now Miguel finishing singing "Adorn" with Wiz Khalifa and then immediately saying “and now the nominees for Best Country Solo Performance”

*Congrats to Katy Perry’s dress for understanding Katy Perry

*Good job Black Keys accepting your award in the most Black Keys way possible. See kids, that’s how you don’t give a shit. Way too much giving of shits here at this music industry awards show.

THE PERFORMANCES

Taylor Swift

Quiz: Which will happen first: a Grammys without a Taylor Swift performance or a Grammys without a Bruno Mars performance?

Answer: Trick question. Neither. We’ll all be dead first.

Anyway, this performance made no sense. But nice job Taylor using the Grammys to throw shade at Harry Styles. So there's that.

Elton John and Ed Sheeran
It’s Elton John and his son!

Also, this is literally the exact opposite of the time Elton John performed on the Grammys with Eminem

Fun.

Well that will be a YouTube clip I will watch forever. Fun. continues to be everything I want out of music ever. And their performance brings up a good question: why aren’t there more performances done in rain? I can’t remember a prominent one since Kelly Clarkson did "Since U Been Gone" in the rain at the VMAs like 10 years ago. Has anyone ever said “I hated watching that person perform in the rain”? I doubt it. Rain makes anything instantly more dramatic. And clearly I’ve been living in Los Angeles too long if I’m this excited by rain.

By the way, instead of having the Grammys can we just have fun. concert instead?

Miranda Lambert and Dierks Bently

Token Country Music Performance aka Official Grammy Bathroom Break

BTW, pretty sure Miranda Lambert just rhymed “February” with “scary”. And she’s the critically acclaimed member of the genre.

Also, ever noticed how all country music stars are either attractive blond women or scruffy yet sensitive dark-haired guys? It’s almost like the entire genre is a completely manufactured enterprise based around propagating a very narrow and regressive vision of an America that doesn’t actually exist…

Miguel and Wiz Kalifa

Help! I just watched Miguel sing "Adorn" and now I’m pregnant.

And what’s the world record for verses Wiz Khalifa hasn’t referenced weed in? Zero?

Rihanna and some dude

I would talk about Rihanna’s performance, but Rihanna is seriously just trolling all of us at this point with the Chris Brown thing and we have the power to stop it by simply not giving her any more attention. If we ignore her then this Chris Brown thing will end, I promise. So come on, let’s stop writing about her, talking about her, and listening to her music. Pay her no mind people! We have the power to make a difference. So let’s do it! Oh shit…I just heard “We Found Love” again…damn it…okay, never mind then….

JT

Way to throw us off the scent Grammy producers by cutting to Jay-Z still in his seat right as JT was about to perform “Suit and Tie”. Although to be fair, Jay-Z’s verse in that song should really just be replaced with the sound of a check being cashed.

Anyway, it’s great having JT back. We’re all thrilled. And even if his album is disappointing (spoiler alert: it will be) there’s no way that having him back doesn't make the world a better place. That being said, his performance would have been 100% better if it had been a complete surprise. As it was, it was cool. But imagine if you’d been watching the Grammys and suddenly out of nowhere Justin Timberlake took the stage with new music. It would have broken the internet. It would have ended civilization as we knew it. So, you know, kind of a missed opportunity...

Mumford and Sons

Needed more Bob Dylan

Alicia Keys and Maroon 5

Sad to see that Alicia Keys drew the short straw and had to perform with Maroon 5 this year. Chris Brown was totally available for that one you guys.

Kelly Clarkson

A little piece of me died when Kelly Clarkson revealed she doesn’t know who Miguel is. But on the other hand, holy shit Kelly Clarkson can sing stuff good.

The Black Keys (and others)

I’m staring at a Black Keys poster as I write this, but I gotta say, I thought that performance was kind of a mess. Good idea, but didn’t really work. B+ for effort though!

Bob Marley tribute

It’s the Grammys! Time for my annual five minutes of being a huge Bruno Mars fan!

Bruno Mars at the Grammys always reminds me of Marty McFly performing that Chuck Berry song at the Under the Sea Dance, only in reverse. Pretty bold of him though to get Sting to play on “Locked Out Of Heaven”. Does this mean that The Police are finally officially getting royalties for that song now?

Anyway, I don’t really “get” Bob Marley, but I thoroughly enjoyed that tribute. Probably because the artists involved chose to pay tribute to Bob Marley by playing their own non-Bob Marley songs.

The Lumineers

“I wonder what song The Lumineers are going to perform?” – no one, ever

Jack White

Whoever said rock and roll was dead should have really told Jack White.

Carrie Underwood

Ugh, two country music performances? But I already peed!

Nice color-change dress though Carrie Underwood. You’re now officially Country Music Barbie.

Neil Portnow

Neil Portnow bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I was Neil Portnow the first thing I would do is, obviously, have sex with all the hot bitches in the world. Then the second thing I would do is make it a law punishable by death that Kayne has to attend every Grammy Awards whether he’s nominated or not. And third, I would shoot lasers out of my eyes.

It makes me sad that I’ll outlive Neil Portnow and have to one day watch Neil Portnow-less Grammys, until I remember that Neil Portnow is probably immortal. Please be immortal Neil Portnow. (Of course, he’ll always be immortal in my heart)

Levon Helm tribute

Anyone who has ever shit on the Grammys needs to watch that Levon Helm tribute. Your arguments are now invalid.

Frank Ocean

I really don’t know what to think about this performance. On the one hand I loved the visual presentation (someone has clearly been hanging out with Kanye) and thought it was super bally to do an album cut like that and to do it so stripped down. And the song “Forrest Gump” is definitely my favorite thing named Forrest Gump. But on the other hand, I wanted something more from it. I kept waiting for the performance to really take off and it never did. So I think I’m disappointed, but also, I think Frank Ocean did a good job. The Grammys are confusing sometimes always.

On a related note, one thing they should really warn you about when you decide to be a theater major in college is that one day you’re going to be stuck with a  facebook feed full of people arguing over whether or not Frank Ocean was singing in the right key. (Answer: no one gives a shit)

LL Cool J and friends

The most Grammys thing the Grammys have ever done is to think that people still care about LL Cool J. Great job with the insultingly cursory tribute to Adam Yauch though!

Seriously though, Chuck D just rolled over in his grave during that Chuck D performance. And 1986 just killed itself.

THE BIG 4 AWARDS

Best New Artist

I love fun. more than I love most members of my extended family. But I worry that in 10 years the Grammys are gonna look really dumb for not going with Frank Ocean. Of course that’s assuming that in 10 years we’ll be living in a hypothetical world where people give a shit about the Grammys.

Record of the Year

“Thank you to everyone who makes music or who listens to music” – Gotye
So fuck you Amish!

Really though, was it necessary to go through the whole formality of giving “Someone I Used To Know” this award? Couldn’t they have just mailed the award to Gotye months ago and saved us all the trouble?

Song of the Year

If Alanis Morisette is looking for things to reference in the sequel to “Ironic” she could probably start with the Grammys giving a Grammy to a song called “We Are Young”.

And while we’re here, can we finally stop the with pretense that Janelle Monae is “featured” on “We Are Young”. If Janelle Monae gets to be credited on that song then so do I. So do we all. Tell you what, Janelle Monae, you can have a credit on that song when you invest in a second outfit, because I’m pretty sure you only own one.

(Love you Janelle! I’ll have your babies!)

Album of the Year

Incredibly there were no wrong answers this year. This was arguably one of the less-right answers, but you can’t really argue with one of the biggest selling albums of the year from one of the most popular bands in the world winning music’s biggest prize. You can’t make fun of the Grammys for being out of touch and then criticize them for giving Album of the Year to Mumford and Sons. Which means for three straight years now The Grammys have gotten it right-ish. If nothing else, the Album of the Year winners have made sense. But lest you think the Grammys are starting to become more logical and "with it", let me leave you with this tidbit: Mumford and Sons won Album of the Year, but they lost Best Americana Album to Bonnie Raitt.

Say it with me now: OH, GRAMMYS!

Until next year....

The Top 25 of 2009

I know, I know, you're so over 2009. But I never understand why people do their end of the year wrap ups before the year is even over. What, do things that happen in December not count? Even waiting until after the official end of the year I didn’t nearly have enough time to experience everything pop culture had to offer in 2009. There are plenty of things (Mad Men, Glee, Adventureland, etc.) I feel almost positive would be on this list if only I had had the time to see/hear/read/do them. And I'm sure there are countless other things I’m not even aware of that I will look back on years from now as among the 2009’s best. But that being said, there was more than enough that I did experience in 2009 to fill a best of list and then some. But rather than ranking them and separating them by category I thought I’d highlight my favorite things of 2009 in one long rambling master list. Strap in, it’s gonna be a long 5,000 words.

First off though:
The Worst of 2009
I don’t want to harp on the negative because there's already too much of that on the internet, but lord knows there were some pretty awful things in 2009:

-“TiK ToK” – seriously who the hell wants a guy who looks like Mick Jagger, he’s like 70.
-the flannel revival – no one looked good in flannel the first time around okay?
-everything about the Twilight Saga – what am I missing here?
-“According To You” – don’t even get me started…

But definitely the worst thing about 2009 was death. As is true every year, death really sucked. But it sucked even worse than usual in 2009. And from Michael Jackson to Chris Brown’s career to Tiger Woods’ dignity it didn’t discriminate. It went on a wild rampage destroying everything in its path. By the time Britney Murphy died we were all so burned out that we didn’t even bat an eyelash. Here's hoping that death soon becomes “like, so 2009”.

Things that just missed the "Best Of" cut
I wanted to make this list things that everyone could have experienced. I had some great pop culture experiences in 2009 but if they weren’t potentially universal experiences what’s the point of commenting on them? Who wants to read a bunch of things that happened only to me personally? Nevertheless some things that didn’t make the “universal experience” cut that are worth mentioning:
-Jay-Z at APW opening his set with “No Sleep Til Brooklyn”
-Touching Thomas Mars at the Rumsey Playfield Phoenix concert
-“Hey Jude” at Citi Field

So now without further ado:
The Top 25 of 2009 (in no particular order):
1.) Movie Trailers
A wise person (or possibly a Star Trek character) once said that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. Well, while the last year in film was quite the year for having, having couldn’t hold a candle to wanting.

Sometimes the having lived up to the wanting:
Up in the Air
(500) Days of Summer

Other times not so much:
Watchmen

And in some cases we still have to wait for a few more months before a judgment can be made:
Greenberg

But regardless, this felt like the year that movie trailers got so good that they started to transcend the movies themselves. And if you don’t believe me then may I present exhibit A:



Others of note:
A Serious Man
Star Trek
Moon

2.) Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
As a long time Phoenix fan I’m not quite sure how I feel about the past year. On the one hand, I’ve never understood why Phoenix wasn’t more popular. And it’s been shocking to see how many of the incredibly music-savy people I know weren’t even familiar with Phoenix until this year. I’m always at least a step behind on these things, so I had just kind of assumed Phoenix was already huge within the music snob community. But apparently not. So it’s good that they’re finally getting their due. Because they deserve all the love and accolades they can get. On the other hand, the Cadillac commercial, and the new douchebag fans coming out of the woodwork, and the having to share them with people who don’t even know all the words to “Consolation Prizes” (the horror!), is a new experience that I’m still working through. But believe me, I know it could be worse. I could be a long-time Kings of Leon fan.

Regardless, none of this would have happened if Thomas Mars and the boys hadn’t put together their finest and most hit laden album yet. It’s great from begin to end. And it’s also the year’s best. By a wide margin. Well done boys. Merci beaucoup.


3.) The “Bad Romance” video



In the past five years I have probably watched a music video ten times. And eight of those times were me watching this video on repeat. There’s much (MUCH) more to come on Lady Gaga on this very blog in the near future, but for now lemme just say that, like all right thinking people, I am decidedly pro-Gaga. Just in this one song there are so many thing to love – the random French words, the inexplicable lyrical Hitchcock homage, the chorus of nonsense sounds, and the fact that she was somehow able to beat out “Wilco (the song)” for best song of 2009 to incorporate the artist's name into the lyrics (coming in dead last, as always: Fergie). But the video really takes the whole thing to the next level. Apparently music videos can still feel fresh and vital and exciting. Who knew? It’s like its 1983 all over again. (In more ways than one. But more on that next time….)

4.) Christoph Waltz in Inglorious Basterds
I’d be hard pressed to come up with someone who deserves their Oscar more than Christoph Waltz deserves the one he is going to win this year. As far as supporting actors go, Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight, Martin Landau in Ed Wood, Denzel Washington in Glory, and maybe Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men are the only ones from the relatively recent past that would be in the discussion. But regardless of where he ranks all time, Christoph Waltz was easily the best thing about easily one the year’s best movies. His performance left me giddy with excitement, inspired, and in awe. So while the movie as a whole is worthy of the highest of praise, Christoph earned a spot on this list all of his own. So well done sir. Now go out and buy yourself an “er”.

5.) Twelfth Night (Shakespeare in the Park)
I had to include at least one piece of theater and this one was not only one of the best, but also one of the most easily accessible in every way possible. It was a surprising production not just because Anne Hathaway seemed like she had been speaking verse her whole life, or because (theater nerd alert!) I felt certain I would never see a better production of Twelfth Night than Donmar Warehouse’s 2003 production at BAM, but mostly because in a cast with more Tonys than an Italian wedding, little known Hamish Linklater didn’t just steal the show, he committed grand larceny. I’ll never see a better Andrew Aguecheek. Or see a Twelfth Night with better music. If music be the food of love, then let Twelfth Night’s play on forever.

6.) NBC Thursday Nights
Even in the heyday of Must See TV NBC was never able to produce a solid two straight hours of comedy. So the fact that they have now been able to accomplish that feat is definitely worth recognizing. In fact let’s take a closer look:

Community – It may not be getting the most “best new comedy” buzz, but to me Community is way better than Modern Family.
(although to be fair, I’ve never seen even a second of Modern Family)

Parks and Rec – I’d just like to say that I’ve been on board since day one. I know everyone is clamoring to get on the bandwagon now, but lemme just say the show hasn’t changed that drastically since when everyone thought it was terrible and should be cancelled. I could say I told you so, but since I’m feeling magnanimous I’ll just say welcome to the party. It’s good to have you. And let’s all work to get Amy Poehler, Chris Pratt, and Louis C.K. their Emmys already.
(Also, if you haven’t seen Paul Schneider in Bright Star yet, you really should. The fact that he’s the same guy from Parks and Rec will blow your mind)

The Office – I know this started out as Michael Scott’s show, and then became Dwight’s show, and then became Jim and Pam’s show. And while all of them still have their integral place on the show, to me this is now clearly Andy Bernard’s show. You can pretty much gauge how good an episode is going to be by how much Andy Bernard it has in it. Also, he’s got to best one of the best/worst things to ever happen to Cornell.

30 Rock – Alec Baldwin = overrated, Jane Krakowski = underrated, Tracy Morgan = rated properly, the “30 Rock isn’t good anymore” contingent = needing to be punched in the face

7.) “15 Step” and “Swagga Like Us” at the Grammys
The Grammys are as terrible at recognizing great music as they are terrific at showcasing it. And it’s a shame that the former precludes most people from experiencing the latter. And since the Grammys are at least 20 years behind the times, they pull their videos from You Tube meaning I can’t rectify that problem for you. But you’ll just have to trust me that Radiohead performing “15 Step” with the USC marching band, and a seriously pregnant M.I.A. sharing a stage with Kanye, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and T.I. for “Swagga Like Us” were both electric performances.

8.) The new presenter format at The Oscars
While the awards themselves were hit or miss (Sean Penn, Heath Ledger, Penelope Cruz – yea!, Kate Winslet, all things Slumdog Millionaire – meh) last year’s Oscars show was terrific. Of course I think that every year, but this time I don’t think I'm alone. The way past winners paid personal tribute to each of the nominees was touching and wonderful and heartwarming and so of course it will never happen again. There are new producers and they’ve already implied that they’re scrapping that idea. And since the James Cameron show ensures that ratings will be through the roof, whatever format the show has this year will be the one it will have for the foreseeable future. So thanks for coming nominees who aren’t Jeff Bridges, Monique, Christoph Waltz, and Carey Mulligan/Meryl Streep, but a short film clip is all the recognition you're gonna get this year. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted….

9.) Dug from Up
When I said in the summer “I guarantee you there won’t be a better movie this year than Up” I didn’t realize that I had forgotten to add “in the Air” to the end of that sentence. But no matter. Because plain old Up is still a solid second. And while the opening montage deserves all the props it has gotten, there’s nothing I enjoyed about the movie more than Dug. He's easily my favorite Pixar character since Dory in Finding Nemo, and his squirrel joke was the funniest thing I heard all year. But really almost anything he said could qualify for that distinction. I guess in the last year comedy really went to the dogs. (As that last joke should illustrate.)

10.) Eastbound & Down
If you put all performances by all actors from all mediums from the last year in one big contest, I'd rank Danny McBride’s behind only Christoph Waltz’s. I’m dead serious. And the fact that I’m not alone in finding Esatbound & Down overall to be a work of genius makes me feel good for the world. Now if only they wouldn’t fuck it up by coming back for a second season. But that’s a rant for another time. For now, bask in the truly fresh and invigoratingly new wonder that was season one. And then after that, write the producers a letter begging them not to mess with perfection.

(Oh human nature/money, why must you ruin art for all of us?)

11.) The first half of Funny People
There’s no bigger fan of interestingly flawed passion projects than me. But Funny People isn’t interestingly flawed; it’s just simply two completely separate movies stuck together for no reason. And it’s a shame because not only was Adam Sandler's best work ever completely forgotten about come year-end awards time, but each movie on its own could have been interesting. As it stands though, the first half is by far the best thing Judd Apatow has ever done and a huge leap forward for him, and the second half is almost painfully bad, not necessarily in and of itself, but just because it has absolutely nothing to do with anything that came before it. Look Judd, I love Leslie Mann, and I love the two of you together, but next time you write a movie that doesn’t have a part for her in it, just leave it be no matter how much she might beg. Oh, and also no more Eric Bana under any circumstances. I mean...he’s not even Jewish!

12.) The Highline
Every time you think you’re done with New York it does something to pull you back in. This year that something was The Highline. It may not be pop culture related, but it was too big a development this year for too many people for me not to mention it. And for me at least, it revitalized a city that already felt pretty damn vitalized. Some other cities in the world must have been starting to think they were pretty hot shit, because The Highline is clearly just New York’s way of putting them in their place. So suck it other cities; we got the motherfuckin Highline.

13.) “I'm on a Boat”


If you learned nothing else in 2009 I hope you learned that this boat is REAL! Look, “Lazy Sunday” will always be the best because it was first. And “Dick in a Box” and “Motherlover” are pretty damn great as well. But for my money I’ll never like a digital short (or Incredibad song) more than “I'm on a Boat”. Maybe it’s just my serious weakness for white boy rap parodies. Or that fact that it led to the creation of this Wikipedia page (the song reached #9 on the New Zealand singles chart, who knew?). Or the fact that it led to the strangest Grammy nomination of all time (and that really saying something). Or the fact that it’s just a legitimately great song. But probably most of all because from now until the end of time no one will ever be able to be on a boat without referencing this song. And when they do, it will always get a laugh. (I hope)

14.) Up in the Air
Whoever said “they don’t make ‘em like they used to” clearly hadn’t seen Up in the Air. And if someone wrote a review of it without including the phrase “timely, yet timeless” then they aren’t very good at their job. And they should be fired.

15.) “I Do Not Hook Up”
After “Since U Been Gone” I didn’t think it was possible for my level of love for Kelly Clarkson to go any higher. I was wrong. And despite the title of the song I don’t view it as a song about sex, but as a song about respect and empowerment. I love it so much. And I would totally hook up with it.

It’s a song that makes me feel good – for myself and for the world. It’s just what we need. And it is almost solely responsible for my newest blog/project (launching soon…)

I know everyone seems like they’re partial to another song in the “pop song of the year” sweepstakes, but if you ask me if I think "I Do Not Hook Up" deserves the title I’ll nod my head like yeah.

16.) The making of Charlie’s dating profile from Always Sunny


If Charlie Day doesn’t win an Emmy for his work in “The Waitress is Getting Married” (spoiler alert: he won’t) then there is no justice in the world. The whole episode is just stellar, but the answers Charlie gives while making his dating profile cracked me up harder than anything else on TV this year. Milksteak FTW.

17.) Eating the Dinosaur - Chuck Klosterman
Reading Klosterman is like getting to have the kind of conversations I wish I could have, if only having in-depth conversations about the deeper meaning of Chris Gaines was something that people other than me were interested in. Sure Eating the Dinosaur may not be Klosterman’s master work but any book that has an essay comparing In Utero to The Branch Davidians automatically gets a gold star from me. Especially when said essay contains a paragraph like:

“So in this way I suppose Cobain and Koresh are very different. The former failed at his attempt to separate his true followers from the rest of America, and he destroyed himself for that failure. The latter was destroyed by others for succeeding at the same goal”.

See, those are the kinds of thoughts I wish I had and also the kind of sentences I wish I could drop in casual conversation. Sadly that is not the world we live in. But it’s the world Klosterman’s writing allows me to escape to.
Oh, and also there’s this:

“(Sasha Fierce) did not make her personality more complex; mostly it reminded people that Beyonce doesn’t really have any personality at all. She loves Christ, she loves her husband, she sings reasonably well, and she’s beautiful. That’s the whole package. Becoming a different person only served to make that all the more obvious.”

Be still my heart….

18.) The Onion - “Nations Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan : Let’s Move In Together”

Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'

To take nothing away from the great folks at College Humor, but this was my favorite made-for-the-internet video of the year by a country mile. Much like I consider Annie Hall the perfect romantic comedy, this might be the perfect internet comedy video. The writing, acting, production values, content, and attention to detail are all flawless. I’ve analyzed this video the way some people have analyzed the Zapruder film and I just can’t find a single thing that I don’t absolutely love about it. But if I had to choose a favorite part it would be the way the anchor delivers the line “fine then”. Kills me every time.

19.) The musical number from (500) Days of Summer
If at gunpoint I had to choose my #1 favorite thing from all of 2009 this would probably be it.

(Why someone would ask me that question at gunpoint I don’t know. Perhaps I have an unrealistic idea of how much other people care about my opinions. But the fact that I write 5,000 word blog entries describing things I like should have told you that already.)

Who knew that Hall and Oates had written the “Singin in the Rain” of our generation? And if you think I don’t dance along to “You Make My Dreams Come True” whenever it comes on my iPod then you are sadly mistaken. What can I say, sometimes (okay a lot of times) it just feels good to be alive.

Alright, enough talking by me, just watch the damn thing:



(See there, I just made your day)

20.) Paul Rudd in I Love You Man
Sometimes you love something because of the talent and likeability of the creator. Other times you like something because it resonates with you on such a personal level that it feels like someone reached into you soul and then put it out there for all to see. This was both of those. Paul Rudd was playing a real life person, he just didn’t know it. (And he nailed the part by the way.)

21.) "Empire State of Mind II" on The Colbert Report
I've been very clear over the years about my status as a Daily Show guy. And The Daily Show had a typically great year including maybe their best moment ever in Jon’s takedown of Jim Cramer which I wrote about elsewhere. But with the possible exception of Jon’s segment on the Toy Hall of Fame, nothing in the TDS universe made me laugh harder than this Colbert clip.

Much like with “New York State of Mind” itself, it’s strange to me that this holds much appeal to anyone who doesn’t or hasn’t lived in the New York area. To anyone who doesn’t fit that description I don’t know how it would even be funny outside of “hey it’s Stephen Colbert rapping”. But to those who are, or have been, New Yorkers, it’s just a wonderfully smart, specific, and hilarious piece of writing. So as we on the coasts always say, fuck everyone else.

(Oh being an elitist East Coast snob, will you ever get old?)

22.) The lyrics to “Sexy Chick” by David Guetta
Anytime the Black Eyed Peas release an album and you can beat them out for Best So-Bad-They’re-Good Lyrics of the Year you know you’ve really done something special. And as a connoisseur of bad lyrics lemme tell you, David Guetta is really remarkable. If you haven’t had the pleasure (?) of hearing “Sexy Chick” watch this video and pay special attention to the chorus. For those who don’t want to do that much work, the chorus goes like this :

“She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before
Nothing you can compare to your neighborhood whore
I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful
The way that booty movin' I can't take no more
Have to stop what I'm doin so I can pull her close
I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful

Damn girl
Damn you'se a sexy chick
A sexy chick
Damn you'se a sexy chick”

I mean there’s just so much to work with here I don’t even know where to begin. He’s refers to all the women in his neighborhood as whores and then literally one line later is trying to find a way to describe a woman without being disrespectful. As if this were an incredibly difficult task. And then after searching for that way, he apparently decides on “damn girl, you’se a sexy chick”. Because that’s generally the absolute most classy and respectful thing you can say to a woman. So objective achieved David Guetta.

But I think the thing I “like” best about this is that his come-on to this girl he finds attractive appears, in essence, to be “you’re so attractive that you make me want to not be disrespectful to women”. How romantic! If for some reason this compliment didn’t lead straight to a marriage between David Guetta and said sexy chick, then one of you single ladies out there needs to snatch him up. Because he is quite the catch. And if you’re lucky he might even describe you in non-disrespectful terms. (Insert swoon)

23.) VH1 Storytellers – “Kanye West”
It couldn’t be a best of the year list without a mention of Kanye. My love and defense of all things Mr. West is well documented. In fact “Kanye” is the most frequently occurring tag word on this blog. So there is really nothing left to say that I haven’t already said better somewhere else. But if you want to see/hear Kanye at his inscrutable, controversial, fascinating, and brilliant best then get the DVD/CD of this show. It comes out this month.

24.) South Park - “Fishsticks”
As a counterpoint to my Kanye love, there’s this

I always feel like I should like South Park a lot more than I do. While I have the utmost respect and appreciation for what they do in theory, in practice most episodes of the show leave me wanting. But at least once a season they put it all together and make an episode that is just about as perfect a piece of television as there will ever be. This was season 13’s. When you can actually humble Kanye you know you’ve done something special. Long live the power of comedy!

25.) The politics of Avatar
Speaking of things I respect and appreciate but don’t exactly love…

I think Avatar is a tremendous achievement, and I’m glad to see a mega-blockbuster that’s also a singular vision and a true passion project for its director. It doesn’t feel overly test screened or focus grouped or dumbed down. And it’s a tremendous step forward for technology and viewing it made for a surprisingly refreshing return to old timey event movie going where you got tickets in advance, got to the theater early, waited in line to get in, bought snacks, the whole nine yards. But despite its legitimate and considerable merits, sci-fi/action just ain’t really my bag personally. But radical left-wing politics on the other hand are most definitely my bag. And having the “bad guys” in the movie say things like “shock and awe” and “fight them here so they don’t come fight us where we live” warmed the cockles of my heart. You can 3D your CGI all you want, but to me what feels truly revolutionary is the fact that kids when they are playing with their Avatar action figures will be trying to kill the US military. The fact that James Cameron is getting all of America to sit through a three hour takedown of Bush era policies and American imperialism is nothing short of remarkable. I don’t know how he is getting away with it, or really even why he wanted to, but I love it with all my gay-marriage-abortion-state-run-health-care loving heart. Hopefully Cameron’s politics will one day seem as commonplace as his technology will.

And lastly, because 2009 is also the last year of the decade I’ll say this - you want to talk about how far we’ve come this decade? Nine years after 9/11 the biggest movie of the year is one that sides with the terrorists. Who’d have thunk it?

Potential Best of 2010
-Lady Gaga at the Grammys
-Meryl Streep’s acceptance speech at the Golden Globes
-Toy Story 3
-US v. England in the World Cup (aka The Revolutionary War II)
-Greenberg

Perhaps If You Handed Kanye Some Gold He Wouldnt Be Concerned About People Digging For It

Ah the Grammys - the one major award no one actually cares about besides me and Kanye West. And I feel like the only reason Kanye cares is because somehow he missed the memo that the Grammys aren’t a valid award and that white people could care less about them. Nevertheless I love (repeat: LOVE) to see someone like Kayne who cares so openly and abashedly about winning awards. So I wouldn’t dare miss my chance to root Kanye to victory and hopefully see some good performances along the way. And even though you didn’t watch the telecast and could care less about the whole thing, I’ve decided to share with you my thoughts I had while I watched it. Enjoy.

* If I had to use band name to describe the conditions in my apartment right now, I would definitely go with Hot Hot Heat.

* I wouldn’t so much call the Madonna/Gorillaz “collaboration” a collaboration, as much as I would call it The Gorillaz performing and then once they were finished performing, Madonna performing.

* Remember the band called Live? What would you say if you saw them live? “I saw Live live”? And wouldn’t “Live Live” be a great name for their live album? And if someone held a benefit concert to help raise money for them would it be called “Live Aid”? Just some things to think about.

* Good to see Tom Hanks out doing some early PR for his upcoming movie. The Da Vinci Code I believe it's called. With a weird title like that I think its gonna need all the publicity it can get.

* If I was black I think my dream girl would be Alicia Keys.

* If I was 12 I think my dream girl would be Kelly Clarkson. Then again when I was actually 12 my dream girl was Christina Ricci in Casper so who knows.

* Kelly Clarkson is singing a song other than “Since U Been Gone”? She HAS other songs besides “Since U Been Gone”? I don’t know how I feel about this. I do know how I would feel however if I was an American Idol winner who beat Paul McCartney for Best Pop Album. I wouldn’t accept it. I wouldn’t even consider accepting it. Also when I was thanking my competition I wouldn’t mention Sheryl Crow and Bonnie Raitt and yet NOT mention Paul McCartney who I should feel unworthy to even be in the same room as. But then again I’m not the voice behind “Since U Been Gone” so what do I know?

* No more comments about Kelly Clarkson I swear.

* Kelly Clarkson.

* Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

* Coldplay always seems a little off and awkward live. Kind of like Chris Martin’s new fro’.

* I get the impression that Ciara might be a woman of loose moral principles. Plus is the phrase “a poor man’s Beyonce” ever a good description to be able to use about someone?

* Has there ever been a less shocking revelation than Fantasia admitting she’s illiterate? That’s on par with Liberace admitting he’s gay.

* I really don’t think enough people were involved in the Sly Stone tribute. I was waiting for the kitchen sink to come out and do a song.

* I hate to rush to judgments on people, but I get the impression from his appearance and demeanor that Sly Stone might have engaged in a little recreational drug use in his youth. And by “his youth” I also mean “5 minutes before coming on stage”.

* While watching the Grammys it’s interesting to think about the fact that 50 Cent is sitting there listening to Bruce Springsteen. Or that Billie Joe Armstrong is sitting there listening to Faith Hill. Or that I’m sitting there listening to Sugarland.

* How was Kayne not nominated for Producer of the Year? He WAS the producer of the year. And yet somehow he wasn’t even NOMINATED? How is there not more outrage about this? Oh yeah, that’s right, no one else cares about the Grammys.

* Herbie Hancock and Christina Aguilerra together at last! Finally, the collaboration America has been clamoring for has happened! Speaking of late 90’s pop stars, I think its time for my annual ridiculous early Grammy prediction for next year. And it is this – Justin Timberlake’s new album will be nominated for Album of the Year. And keep in mind this prediction is coming from the same person who predicted Speakerboxx/The Love Below would WIN Album of the Year a full six months before it even came out. So you best recognize.

* 3 & 1/2 Comments About Mariah Carey:
1.) It seems that record execs are angry that Mariah hasn’t been shown more love by the Grammys over the years. I know how they feel. I’m still upset that she was robbed out of a Best Actress in a Comedy Series Emmy for her performance in MTV Cribs.
2.) I feel certain that if Abe Lincoln were alive today he would go back and revise the Emancipation Proclamation to state, “I emancipate everyone except for Mimi. She shall forever remain unemancipated.”
3.) “We Belong Together” should have been played at my high school dance. Actually, I feel like it was.
3 & 1/2.) Everyone talks about how this is Mariah Carey’s comeback album, but is it really a comeback when what you’re coming back from is the revelation of the fact that you’re insane?
(And why does it seem that as a nation we have chosen to overlook the fact that Mariah Carey is insane? Whatever the reason is, is it the same reason we have chosen to overlook the fact that R. Kelly is a pedophile?)

* People who have now officially overstayed their welcome: The Black Eyed Peas, Teri Hatcher, Jamie Foxx.

* I think Kayne, Common and John Legend have formed the best hip hop posse of all time. I mean I’d love to hang out with any of those guys. Now if only they can find some way to ditch Jamie Foxx. Maybe they can pawn him off on Colin Farrell full time.

(Speaking of Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell, is the Miami Vice set like the Mecca of groupidom? Are groupies from all over the world taking holy pilgrimages there as we speak? And is there any conceivable way that the record for most groupies slept with in one film shoot has not already been obliterated by this point? I bet what’s going on in Miami right now makes the Oceans Twelve shoot look like the Steel Magnolias shoot by comparison.)

* Hey Keith Urban, Jon Bon Jovi called and he wants his persona back.

* How was “Numb/Encore” a hit and yet “The Grey Album” wasn’t even allowed to be released legally? How is this fair to humanity? Speaking of “The Grey Album”…hey look, its Jay-Z and Paul McCartney! Their live collaboration (if you can call it that) was cool because it was so shocking to see Paul McCartney appear in the middle of the song and because it was thrilling to see them together, but ultimately it didn’t work. Still though, cool to see Jay-Z wearing a John Lennon T-shirt

(Speaking of Jay-Z, how has "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" not been used in a Head and Shoulders commercial yet?)

* When you hear “Helter Skelter” unexpectedly and out of context of “The White Album”, it’s really shocking to consider the fact that it’s a Beatles song. And I also gotta give Paul props: “Fine Line” is a pretty darn good song. (Also not to be morbid, but it must be said: please God let Ringo die before Paul. Paul deserves to be the last one left.)

* If you combined Bono’s hat with Kanye’s glasses would the resulting coolness factor cause a new ice age? Would the person who could pull that look off make even Johnny Depp jealous? Do I occasionally engage in hyperbole?

* What would have happened if Kanye had lost Best Rap Album? Would he have immediately walked out of the building? Would he have run up on stage and snatched the Grammy out of the winners hand? Hell, none of the other nominees even bothered to show up, but still, part of me wishes he would have lost just so we could have found out what he would have done.

(While we’re on the subject of Kayne its worth noting that he never removed his sunglasses the entire night. That’s amazingly cool in my book. Somewhere Corey Hart is smiling. And by “somewhere” I mean the I-95 Exit 28 underpass.)

* With “Late Registration” winning Best Rap album that means Paul Wall has like 1/44th of a Grammy, which I guess makes him the most successful person to ever (allegedly) graduate from my high school.

(Just to get it out there before the inevitable Houston rap backlash of ’06 begins I'd like to go on record that I’ve not liked Houston hip hop much longer than everyone else has not liked Houston hip hop. In fact its kind of unfathomable to me that Houston hip hop has blown up nationally because I never knew anyone in Houston who ever thought the local hip hop scene was any good. In fact only two good things have ever come out of the Houston rap scene: “Tops Drop” by Fat Pat and “Wanna Be A Balla” by Lil’ Troy. Try to recall the biggest, most popular, most omnipresent song of your lifetime. (“Hey Ya” for example.) Well for two years in Houston “Wanna Be A Baller” was at least five times more popular than that song. I seriously think that 97.9 The Box was under strict orders to play it at least once every 10 minutes. And bare in mind that it’s a six minute long song. I think the best part of the whole thing is that no one had any idea what any of the lyrics were. Lil’ Troy makes Ma$e sound like Laurence Olivier when it comes to diction. I still have no idea what exactly the last part of the chorus is even though I’ve heard the song at least 250 times, easily. I’m pretty sure its “swisha roll tight, got sprayed in my eye”, but then again that doesn’t really make any sense. But what does really? And you have no idea what I’m talking about do you? But then again do you ever?)

(And while we are on the universally fascinating topic of the hip-hop scene from the city I grew up in, I had absolutely no idea until I came to college that doing cough syrup and the using the phrase “chunk the duce” were not national phenomenons but were instead “Houston things”. I can’t tell you how shocking this was to find out. This would be like coming to college and finding out that smoking cigarettes and saying the phrase “that’s cool” had been things that were only popular in your hometown. And just for the record “chunk the duce” is ridiculous dated slang. In high school it had already morphed with my friends and I into “chunkage” or just simply “duce”. And this was way back in 1998. And we were white. At least I think we were…)

* Back to Kanye for a minute…Even though it was off his last album, I’d like to take this opportunity to say that I feel that “Last Call” is definitely the most underrated 12 minute long autobiographical rap song of the past few years. In fact, you could make the case that, in its own way, it’s the best thing Kanye has ever done.

* If one were to ever meet The Game how would one refer to him? I mean “Hey there The Game” sounds awkward but what else could you say instead? Mr. Game? “Guy Who Is Feuding and/or not Feuding with 50 Cent”? Simply “Game”? And if you were asking The Game if he was down to do some particular activity what would say? “Yo Game, you game?” I feel like Abbott and Costello would have a field day with this.

* Announcer: Please welcome Gwen Stefani.
   Me: No.

* Mary J. Blige and U2 is a match made in heaven. Although their duet wasn’t quite her "No More Drama" performance from 2001, it was still the performance of the night by far. Speaking of which…

Best 3 & 1/2 Performances of the Night:
1.) U2 & Mary J. Blige
2.) Bruce Springsteen
3.) Kanye West
3 & 1/2.) Paul McCartney

* On to the awards…

Best New Artist goes to…John Legend. It would not be humanly possible for me to care less.

Song the Year goes to…U2! Wow the best nominee actually won. Shocking!

Record of the Year goes to…Green Day! Man, these Grammy are going great so far. The Grammy people have gotten the three major categories right so far. Has that ever happened before? Ever?

Album of the Year goes to…U2? Gotta say I’m conflicted about that one. I’m one of the biggest U2 fans in the world, but Kayne was robbed. He not only had the best album nominated but he actually had the best album of the year and one of the best albums so far this millennium. U2’s album was AT BEST only their 4th best album and you could make a case for it being ranked as low as 7th. If you can argue that an album is a band’s 7th best album then there’s no way it should be beating one of the best albums of the millennium. Still, Bono handled the whole thing amazingly. That is why he is God. And if Kanye had to lose to someone at least it was U2.

(Still I worry about Bono’s proclamation that Kanye will be next. It sure seems that way, but you never know when the magic will run out. A few years ago it seemed like an inevitability that Eminem would win Album of the Year some day. But after his unexpected recent artistic implosion of epic proportions it now seems very unlikely he ever will. So it’s with cautious optimism I say to Kanye, “you’ll get ‘em next time”. )



Thought of the Week: How would the world be different if rats looked like bunny rabbits?

Guilty as Charged

Hi there. I’m writing really small because I have an important and very personal secret to reveal to you today.

I like a Kelly Clarkson song.

Yes, that Kelly Clarkson. I like one of her songs.

No I don’t think U you understand. I really, REALLY like a Kelly Clarkson song. I like a Kelly Clarkson song so much that after living in place for seven months that didn’t allow me to illegally download music the first thing I did upon setting up my computer in my new place was to download said Kelly Clarkson song. I did that before I even hooked up my printer or speakers. That’s how much I like “Since U Been Gone”. And believe it or not, I’m not even gay! So I don’t even have a valid excuse.

Oh yeah, except this one: It’s a good song.

Now I do realize I’m revealing this secret on the internet in an online blog, the province of the innately hip and judgmental. I know that people like you never let arguments like “it’s a good song” get in the way of your cultural superiority. But guess what? You like it too. Don’t worry though, Ted Leo said its okay. In fact he liked the song so much he did a cover of it. That’s right, Mr. Ted Leo, of Ted Leo and the Pharmacists – the most hip pretentious band name since Stephan Malkimus and the Jicks or whatever Billy Corgan’s next band is called - did a cover of “Since U Been Gone”. So there. Fredtheonlinejournal and Ted Leo both have publicly stated they like “Since U Been Gone”. What you got to say about that?

Now “cool” people have been secretly liking “manufactured radio friendly pop songs” since the beginning of time. I’m sure Olaf the Caveman used to keep his Goldor Boys CDs in a special CD case under his bed where no one would find them. And this continues today. I know you’ve got your ABBA Gold in between your A Tribe Called Quest and your Aphex Twin on your Ipod. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. And that’s what me and Ted Leo are here to tell you: Stop feeling guilty about your guilty pleasures.

Now I know all the reasons one “should” feel guilty about liking a radio friendly pop song produced by some faceless corporate entity and performed by some prepackaged artificial pop star, but I aint buyin any of them. As proof let me one by one remove them from my ideological shopping cart so we can proceed to the conclusion without them.

*“(Fill in the blank) doesn’t write their own songs!”

Well neither did Elvis or Frank Sinatra or Aretha Franklin. Hell Bobby Darin’s entire career was founded on a song by Bertolt Brecht. Ray Charles didn’t write “Georgia on My Mind” On”, Sinead O’Connor didn’t write “Nothing Compares to U”, Marvin Gaye wasn’t the original author of “Whats Goin On” and Sisquo didn’t write “The Thong Song”. Does that somehow make them not as good? Actually lets just forget that last one. I think Sisquo actually DID write “The Thong Song”.

*“(Fill in the blank) doesn’t play their own instruments!”

Did Otis Redding play an instrument? Did Robert Plant? Does Bono? Does Meg White?

*”(Fill in the blank) is so mainstream and/or lacking in artistic merit!”

You know who was the biggest mainstream pop band of all time? The Beatles. I mean what else would you classify their music as? You know who else is “pop”? The B-52s, Brian Wilson, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Billy Joel, Fleetwood Mac, Elton John, Phil Spector, Carol King, Prince, Steely Dan, Todd Rundgren, ELO, The Bee Gees, and the list goes on and on. You like any music by any of those artists? Then what’s the big deal?

Well, let me assume some things about the general attitude many people around here have towards pop music because we all know what assuming does.

It makes me really cool.

“Pop” is short for “popular”. Which is what you weren’t earlier in life, or maybe even today. Okay, I get it. But don’t take it out on music. “Mmmbop” never shoved you in a locker. “Cry Me A River” never wouldn’t go to the dance with you. “Fred the Online Journal” didn’t just use a double negative in that last sentence. “I’m” not a liar. But I am veering wildly off track. Point is, get down off your high horse and accept that just because something is popular doesn’t mean it’s bad. In fact if the goal of art is to express universal truths then shouldn’t it stand to reason that the art that speaks to the greatest number of people is greater than the art that speaks to only a few. “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill”, “Joshua Tree”, “American Idiot”, “Nevermind”, “OK Computer”- these are albums that are able to be of the highest artistic quality and yet also be found in nearly everyone’s CD collection. Now of course those are all “cool” albums, but we all know you have “Thriller”, “Cracked Rear View”, “Justified”, “Devil Without a Cause”, “Saturday Night Fever”, “The Immaculate Collection”, a few 20th Century Master’s CDs, and who knows what else too. And you know what? Those albums aren’t any less valid. They serve just as a great a purpose as the ones on the first list. And I should know because I own them all too. And I’m proud of it. Because SOMETHING about those multi-million copy selling CDs speaks to great numbers of people, even if the only thing it speaks to is the desire to “shake your ass” and/or “watch yourself”. But even if getting you to dance is its only real goal, popular mainstream songs definitely serve an invaluable role in the world. Pop music strives to create a shared experience among all people. A sort of musical bond. Put on Wilco at a social function and it’s nice and all, but put on “YMCA” “Bohemian Rhapsody” or “Ice Ice Baby” and see what happens. The world needs songs that EVERYONE knows and enjoys.

Also, these songs often speak in the most direct way to universal themes. Love, betrayal, lust, longing, hurt. You know, those cliché things called emotions. You can’t tell me that “Sometimes” by Britney Spears and “What a Girl Wants” by Christina Aguliara aren’t deep in their own ways. And explain to me how Beck singing “Na na Na na na na Na na” or “flashdance asspants” is any more artistically valid than Hanson singing “Mmmbop ba du ba dop Ba du bop”. Is it just because he’s Beck and they’re Hanson? That argument won’t hold up in court.

Instead of fighting it, just embrace that fact that sometimes when you need a little directness or a little nonsense it doesn’t really matter where it comes from. Which brings us back to “Since U Been Gone”, a song that carries on the proud tradition of “I Will Survive”, “Survivor”, and everything else in the “I’m Better Off Without You” genre. Sure when you have a breakup, “Sea Change” and Elliot Smith are nice. But I bet some mid 90’s country music and “Since U Been Gone” work pretty good too.

Someone wiser than I once said there’s not “high art” and “low art”, there’s just “art”. And I think that’s true. And in fact trying to go against that maxim usually leads to trouble. For as many songs as there are like “Since U Been Gone” that shouldn’t be good but are, there are just as many songs that should be good but aren’t because they try so hard to be “artistic”. For exhibits A-Z turn to Bright Eyes’ “When the President Talks to God”. It’s a great song lyrically and I firmly believe it could have actually made a difference in the election if the words and ideas in it had been heard by more people. But of course Connor Oberst wrapped his lyrics in a strictly acoustic song devoid of any rhythm or melody. If he had actually wanted to make a difference with his song he would have added a bunch of “music” to it, actually bothered to sing the words, and given it some sort of catchy or memorable or at least existent melody. That way it could have been played on the radio reached the people who needed to hear it and really made a difference in the world. Instead he refused to sacrifice one ounce of his “indie cred” to actually make a difference in the world and instead made the song as hip and inaccessible as possible insuring that it would only ever be heard by and affect those who already agreed with him in the first place. It would be like if John Fogarty had said “hey I’ve got this song ‘Fortunate Son’ but instead of putting a melody to it and singing the words, I’m gonna strum a chord on my acoustic guitar every few seconds and speak the words in a really grating aggressive pretentious voice.” I mean, it’s just ridiculous. Most these “indie bands” will never change the world because they hold it in such contempt. Their fear of pop and the common man will hold them back from ever really making an impact on the world. Ironic that liberalism is supposed to be about openness and acceptance and yet “we” can’t tolerate anyone different than us, or who listens to Britney Spears.

Now this isn’t to defend someone who only listens to pop. But it’s just speaking out against people who aren’t well rounded and accepting of good art and entertainment no matter where it might come from. The person who only listens to Britney Spears is no worse than the person who only listens to jazz or only listens to hip hop. One may be stupid and the other just too specialized, but either way they are both missing out on the fullness of life. So don’t be that guy or gal who takes that pretentious tone and says “I don’t watch TV” or “I don’t listen to the radio” or some other such thing. Such there’s a lot of crap out there, but there’s a lot of good too. Now this is coming from someone who’s as guilty of these sins as anyone, but it’s also coming from someone who coined the phrase “just because it’s on the radio doesn’t mean its bad”. And it’s that side of me I’m going to listen to now. I’m committed to becoming a reformed cultural snob. I can change. We all can. And that’s why I’m admitting to all of this here today.

So repeat after me:
“If it’s good, it’s good…even if Kelly Clarkson sings it”

It’s alright, just say it. Pop music wont bite. It’s perfectly harmless. In fact the way I see it, pop music is like chocolate- it doesn’t really provide any nourishment and if you ate it all the time you would be a fat slovenly bum who would die of a heart attack at age 40, but it does bring pleasure to your life, and when you DO eat it, it’s damn good. So eat your vegetables and your fruits and your grilled chicken pita wraps, but don’t forget dessert. And when you eat that dessert, don’t feel ashamed. Don’t feel “guilty”. Because unless you’re friends with Laura Flynn Boyle, then everyone you know eats their fair share of sweets. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Indulge a little and don’t be embarrassed about it or feel the need to pretend you didn’t enjoy it or purge it from your system afterwards. Don’t be cultural bulimics. Don’t feel bad about enjoying “The Wedding Crashers”. Don’t hide your copy of “Mean Girls” when you have company. Don’t act like you don’t know the words to “Baby Got Back”. Because when it comes to songs like “Baby Got Back” and “Since U Been Gone” you can’t say they are not catchy, or that they don’t make you want to get up and dance (or at least move around excitedly).
But if you want to accuse them of giving you pleasure…well then…I guess they’re guilty.


Top 3 & 1/2 of the Week:
1.) The Rita Watch (word to my peeps in H-Town)
2.) Common - "Be" (album)
3.) Scrabble
3 & 1/2.) ESPN


Thought of the Week:
"I dont think there are going to be any parents naming their kids Katrina for at least five years now. Just like there havent been too many kids born lately named Nine Eleven." - Caroline McGraw