Daft and Punk'd: The Grammys 2014

The Grammys are insane and might very well be nothing more than one very long, cruel practical joke so here, read my breakdown of every single performance and the four major awards at the Grammys! Enjoy!

Beyonce and Jay-Z

“To kick off the Grammys…here’s a person not nominated for any individual Grammys tonight! So give a warm Grammy welcome to Beyonce and a disoriented old man!”

Nothing makes me happier than the fact that in Obama’s America the person who sang the National Anthem at the Presidential Inauguration is the same person who got bleeped at the Grammys while having sex with a chair. I may generally have mixed feelings about Beyonce, but I’m becoming more and more pro-Beyonce by the minute.

Lorde

#2014

Think piece idea: the embrace of minimalism in music by children of The Great Recession

Think piece idea II: the children are our future – not such a bad thing?

While Lorde may want to be called Queen Bee, I prefer to call her Fiona Apple. Also, is epilepsy a thing now? It’s so hard to keep up with what the kids are into these days.

Hunter Hayes

True story: Mark David Chapman only shot John Lennon so he wouldn’t have to live to see his quotes projected during a Hunter Hayes performance at the Grammys. It’s just a shame there was no one present in the building who cared about protecting John Lennon’s legacy. (Yoko Ono burn!)

Anyway, the fastest possible way to get me to leave the room to use the bathroom is to utter the sentence “Next up a powerful new ballad by Hunter Hayes”, but from what I caught of it I’m just glad someone finally had the courage and originality to write a song promoting the idea that the listener is special and has the power to overcome adversity. About time we had a song like that.

Katy Perry

I want to take Lady Gaga and rub her nose in Katy Perry’s performance while yelling “bad dog” until she feels bad about what she’s done.

I’m generally powerless to resist a good Katy Perry song, but it says everything about Katy Perry that the part of her performance she appeared to put the least amount of thought and energy into was the singing. And it was maybe a little too on the nose to set that performance in the pits of hell. But whatever, Juicy J was on the Grammys. I just hope when Katy Perry grows up she can be more like Lorde.

Chicago /Robin Thicke

Quiz: without cheating name a member of Chicago

While we’re doing quizzes, here’s a good ol’ SAT-style analogy

Grammys : VMAs :: Robin Thicke and Chicago : Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus

I don’t really know what my point is necessarily other than to say that anyone who thought the Miley Cyrus performance was the end of civilization as we know it should really watch that Chicago performance and then tell me which civilization seems more fun to live in. And I say this as someone who owns three Chicago albums.

Keith Urban/Gary Clark Jr.

Remember when pre-mainstream-fame Mumford and Sons got to perform with Bob Dylan at the Grammys? Gary Clark Jr. performing on the Grammys with Keith Urban is the exact opposite of that. By which I mean I’m really looking forward to bouncing my grandkids on my knee one day and telling them about the time I wasted five minutes of my life watching Gary Clark Jr. suffer through a Keith Urban song.

John Legend

Has anyone ever seen John Legend NOT at the Grammys? Pretty sure he lives at the Staples Center. And while the last 20 years may have seen the invention of the Internet and the iPhone, if John Legend is our Stevie Wonder then we have failed miserably as a people.

Taylor Swift

Not sure if Taylor Swift was performing at the Grammys or filming a shampoo commercial, but either way I thought it was pretty good. That being said, we take you seriously now Taylor. You can let the mean comments about that time you sang with Stevie Nicks go now. It would be cool next year for stage-Taylor Swift to be more like audience-Taylor Swift

Pink featuring Nate Ruess

Remember that time we tuned into a Cirque du Soleil show and a Pink concert broke out? By which I mean every awards show ever.

Fun fact: there was a shark in that audience that Pink just flew over
(Speaking of jumping the shark: Nate Ruess’ mustache)

Seriously though, I think Pink is a great performer and everything a pop star should be, I just wish she would get some new tricks already.

Ringo Starr

Good thing the Beatles’ legacy is literally impossible to soil because all I could think during that performance was "don’t let Ringo outlive Paul, don’t let Ringo outlive Paul…"

But really, please don’t let Ringo outlive Paul.

(Also, after that performance I feel certain that Pete Best is on even higher suicide watch than usual)

Kendrick Lamar/Imagine Dragons

I’m pretty sure Kendrick Lamar has never listened to an Imagine Dragons song, and I’m pretty sure their joint performance was a bit of a train wreck, but I’m also pretty sure I kind of loved it. And when during Kendrick’s last verse it appeared smoke was coming out of his microphone, well, that was totally apt.

For better or worse it’s performances like that that you can only get at the Grammys. They’re the whole reason we (and by “we” I mean I) tune in.

Kacey Musgraves

What if instead of having the Grammys we just had a Kacey Musgraves concert? Would anyone be opposed?

Two more Kacey Musgraves points:

1. I like Taylor Swift, but when Kacey Musgraves won Best Country Album I shouted SUCK IT TAYLOR SWIFT!!! Now Kacey has beaten Taylor and the circle of life begins anew.

2. Ten years from now nothing about these Grammys is going to seem dumber than the fact that Kacey Musgraves didn’t win Best New Artist.

(Are my Texas roots showing yet?)

Paul McCartney

I am an ardent and unabashed fan of Paul McCartney’s solo work but I think it’s telling that the only person they could get a shot of singing and dancing along enthusiastically to Paul’s song was his wife.

(Yoko Ono doesn’t count because it’s unclear if she was singing and dancing along or if she was just being Yoko Ono (Yoko Ono burn!))

Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Merle Haggard and Blake Shelton

Don’t know if it says more abot the Grammys or about hipsterdom that the hippest performance at the Grammys was Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, and Merle Haggard. But gold star to whoever decided to cut almost exclusively to shots of rappers during it. Says a lot that Jamie Foxx seemed more into Merle Haggard than Taylor Swift and Taylor Swifts Dancing Friend did.

Daft Punk featuring everyone who is awesome

Okay, that made the whole night worth it. It was just as great as anyone could have predicted that it would be. Apparently when you get truly great people together to perform a truly great song great things happen. Who knew?

Sara Bareillis/Carol King

Did this happen? Was this a thing that happened? I have no idea if this actually happened or not. I might have dozed off.

Bruno Mars

While I was asleep I must have missed Bruno Mars’ performance. I mean this was the Grammys after all. You can’t have a Grammys without the Grammy mascot. There’s no way they would allow that. Right??? I’m sure he must have performed, so it’s a shame I missed my annual five minutes of being a huge Bruno Mars fan. Oh well. Back to complete and total indifference towards all things Bruno Mars. Til next year Bruno Mars…

Metallica/Lang Lang

The Grammys are Willie Nelson performing with Blake Shelton and the Grammys are also Metallica performing with classical pianist Lang Lang. The Grammys are all things. The Grammys contain multitudes. So once the shock of seeing Metallica on CBS wore off I realized that the performance was actually thoroughly Grammys, no matter how atypical the Metallica part of it appeared. In the end I’m not sure how I felt about it as a performance, but I’m glad it happened and that I saw it. Long live the Grammys!

“Same Love”

I’ll try and keep this brief…

As someone who considers Eminem performing on the Grammys with Elton John a seminal moment of his adolescence I had been looking forward to the performance of “Same Love” on the Grammys for months now because I recognized it’s potential to be a similar moment for a new generation. And in the end it exceeded even my highest expectations.

I don’t know that it’ll be a cultural moment of the magnitude that Eminem’s performance was, but I think that’s more due to the fractured nature of our culture than the performance itself. Because in the end, it was a performance that perfectly captured the power of music, and its possibilities as an agent of love and hope and change. Now I know snark and the Grammys go hand and hand (I mean, have you read everything up until now?) but if you have negative snarky things to say about this performance please stop reading my blog forever and go take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. And anyone who thinks the Grammys are a pointless waste of time needs to watch this performance and then shut the hell up forever.

Neil Portnow

NEIL PORTNOW!!! I LOVE THAT NEIL PORTNOW THINKS WE REMEMBER EXACT DETAILS OF HIS SPEECH FROM LAST YEAR. BECAUSE WE TOTALLY DO!!!! HOW COULD WE EVER FORGET YOUR SPEECHES NEIL PORTNOW?? YOU ARE THE HIGHLIGHT OF OUR LIFE! THAT’S WHY IT’S GREAT YOU POSITIONED YOURSELF RIGHT AFTER THE EMOTIONAL HIGH POINT OF THE EVENING. BECAUSE YOU ARE THE EMOTIONAL HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR!!!! NEVER CHANGE NEIL PORTNOW

Everly Brothers tribute

I wish I could go back in time to 1994 and try to explain to people how not weird it will seem when one day the lead singer of Green Day performs an Everly Brothers tribute at the Grammys. Who knew at the time what a pivotal song “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” would wind up being. Or maybe I just missed something and playing acoustic guitar with Miranda Lambert is the new punk.

Lindsey Buckingham, Nine Inch Nails, Dave Grohl, and Queens of the Stone Age

This was great but also seemed like it never really had a chance to get started. Right when it finally felt like it had some real momentum they cut to the credits. Which whenever you have a rocking performance that seems like it could really invigorate the whole evening it’s best to play the closing credits over it. Great job Grammys! Speaking of which….

THE  BIG FOUR AWARDS

(Okay so this first one wasn’t so great…)

Best New Artist

“Macklemore and Ryan Lewis meet the rap group Arrested Development. Arrested Development, meet Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.”

(Speaking of introductions, can a clip of Anna Kendrick wearing that dress while doing clever comedy bits play on a loop forever? Asking for a friend.)

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(But these next three awards…I mean you could make a legitimate case that these are the actual song, record, and album of the year. Not an embarassing choice among them, and in all three cases the best choice out of all of the nominees. Of course all this means is that next year all of the awards are going to go to Bruno Mars and Phil Collins.)

Song of the Year

The Grammys not giving Song of the Year to “Same Love”, the most Grammys song ever, is the most Grammy thing ever. If a white rapper collaborating with a female vocalist and live instrumentation for a positive song about human rights can’t win a Grammy then what can? An ever better song by a hip young outsider dabbling in a genre all her own, challenging the mainstream status quo?? It’s like I don’t even know you any more Grammys!

Record of the Year

Daft Punk remaining in character to receive their awards was the highlight of the night and will do way more for their sales, popularity, and notoriety with the public at large than reading a list of names could have done in a million years. Lady Gaga is so pissed that she’s not Daft Punk. And unlike Lady Gaga there’s a zero percent chance the popularity and success of this Daft Punk song will ever seem dumb.

Album of the Year

Well, we now live in a world where Daft Punk have won a Grammy for Album of the Year. We’ve come a long way since Vaughn Meader. I’d also just like to say that I called this one back in June. If I had bet money I would be a wealthy man. But also betting money on the Grammys is the ultimate form of insanity. So there’s that.

But with this win, here are the past four Album of the Year winners: Arcade Fire (The Suburbs), Adele (21), Mumford and Sons (Babel), and Daft Punk (Random Access Memories). No embarrassing clunkers in the lot and all albums that had real connection to the trends and popular music scenes of their day. Large numbers of people under the age of 40 own and enjoy each of those albums. And I know some people aren’t big on Mumford and Sons but each of those albums could make a legitimate claim as the best album of their respective years. I don’t know if it’s an extended fluke or a real trend. But it’s encouraging and I profoundly hope it continues. And on that note I’m now off to come to terms with Beyonce winning next year because it’s going to take me a whole year to be emotionally ready for it.

My Top 20 Favorite Things of 2013

 

It was busy year for me personally and so there are a great many things I'm sure would have made this list if I had only had time to experience them: Frances Ha, Short Term 12, American Hustle, Haim, Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine, Time of Death, Six by Sondheim, Mark Rylance’s "Twelfth Night", the list goes on and on. But that being said, there were 20 terrific things I did experience that helped make 2013 a pretty great year culturally.

1. Liz’s speech to Tracy in the 30 Rock finale
I wish I could post a clip of this because the performances are really what put it over the top, but rights issues prevent me from doing that so here's the transcript of it: 

“We were forced to be friends because of work. And we’re probably not gonna hang out after this. You’ll say you’re gonna invite me to your house, but it's never gonna happen. And I’ll see on TV that it’s your birthday and I’ll forget to call. And working with you is hard. Tracy, you frustrated me and you wore me out. But because the human heart is not properly connected to the human brain I love you, and I’m gonna miss you.

(pause)

But tonight might be it.”

 

Did the most heartbreakingly honest and emotionally true observation about human relationships seen on TV this year happen on a four-punchline-a-minute comedy? Of course it did. What could be more indicative of our 2013 post-genre America than that?

Comedy is dead; long live comedy.

(While we’re on the terrific 30 Rock finale, shout out to the Rural Juror song. It should have won all of the Emmys.)

2. Girls – “Boys”

I wrote about Girls last year. And I'm sure I’ll write about Girls next year. I'm sure on my death bed I’ll grip my wife’s hand and with my last dying breath whisper softly in her ear “I should have written more about Girls”. But all we have is the here and now, and what I want to say this year about Girls concerns “Boys”. Because while so much of the talk around season two focused on the Patrick Wilson episode, "Other People's Trash", for me "Boys" is the episode the best showcased what Girls does better than any other show and that is showing how people at their worst are only human.

In the age of the anti-hero, Girls represents the next step in the evolutionary process by giving us no heroes at all. Everyone on the show is just a person, flawed and imperfect, sometimes trying to do their best and other times not trying much of anything at all. They're petty and considerate, selfish and giving, honest and guarded, and most of all just trying to get through to the next moment just like everyone else. No character comes out of "Boys" looking good, but your heart goes out to each and everyone of them. And if the final phone call between Hannah and Marnie doesn't hit you deep in your soul then you probably don't have one.
 

3. Vampire Weekend – Modern Vampires of the City

Speaking of Girls, if Hannah Horvath wants to be the voice of her generation she might have to get in line behind these guys. Now I might be defining "generation" very narrowly as "white American coastal-dwelling creative types in their late 20s to early 30s", but still. Vampire Weekend is the sound of my people. A sound that has evolved from a Paul Simon knockoff to something much deeper, yet somehow still totally the same. Seriously, has any band ever changed its sound more while still sounding exactly like itself? It's music that speaks to the times, is urbane yet lived in, drenched in anxiety and intellect, gets in your bloodstream, and is very very white. Modern vampires of the city indeed.
 

4. Daft Punk - “Get Lucky”

A wise person once said opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got one. Which is interesting because an asshole is also what you're being if you have the “opinion” that anything other than “Get Lucky” is the song of 2013. And nobody likes an asshole.

5. 12 Years a Slave

To take the preceding concept one step further, there are opinions and then there are facts. And "12 Years a Slave is the most powerful, well-made, and important film of 2013” is definitely the later.

Crazy that it took 150 years and a bunch of British guys to make the first mainstream film to deal honestly with the horror and brutality of American slavery, but then again, not crazy at all.

Speaking of which….

6. Fruitvale Station

I know asking white people to watch and care about one whole movie per year about the problems of black people that doesn't also feature a white protagonist is tough. And it appears asking them to watch three (THREE!) of them is impossible (see also: The Butler). Which is a shame because...well...where do I even begin? But in this case specifically because the least mainstream of the three is in many ways the most vital.

Due to the amount of time it takes for a movie to go from idea to a finished product it’s rare to see films address current events in anything approaching real time. But in a sadly not that unbelievable twist of fate, Fruitvale Station was released a day before the George Zimmerman verdict. And that verdict made watching the film an almost unbearably heartbreaking experience. It’s the only film I’ve ever attended that when the movie ended and the lights came up not a single person had yet gotten out of their seats and all you could hear was complete and total silence punctuated only by the sounds of sniffles. There were sadly not that many of us in the theater, because while everyone rushes out to see a big spectacle like Gravity on the big screen, the masses aren’t that into the best reason to cram yourself into a dark room with a bunch of random strangers for a few hours: to experience a group catharsis.

At my screening the first person to finally get up from their seat, wipe the tears from their face and leave the theater was a black man who looked old enough to have a son the same age as Oscar Grant was when he was killed. The next person to follow his lead was an old white woman who had trouble even standing up. The first man was almost out of theater, saw her at the last second, and turned back in her direction to try and help. She kindly waved him off and he went on his way. It was a moment that meant nothing really, but in the context of what we had all just been through it felt like it meant everything. And if that’s not a reason to go the movies then I don't know what is.

7. Kanye - “Blood on the Leaves”
I already wrote extensively about my thoughts on Yeezus as a whole, so allow me to take a moment to discuss “Blood on the Leaves”. Because has anything ever been more Kanye than “Blood on the Leaves”? I mean, he used an iconic Nina Simone song about lynchings for the backdrop of a song about knocking up a groupie? Why would he do that?? Is he trying to make some sort of statement? Did he just like the way it sounded? Is he simply trolling us all? It’s provocative and ridiculous and offensive and touching and honest and manipulative and you can think about it all til your head bleeds and still be no closer to solving it. But then the beat hits for the first time at the 1:07 mark and none of that matters. Because, goddamn, that beat, that moment, that contradiction of sounds, they render all human thought completely irrelevant.

Maybe Kanye really IS the black Jesus.

8. Shailene Woodley in The Spectacular Now
I didn't love The Spectacular Now as much as I hoped to. Also, Kyle Chandler gives the movie’s most awards worthy performance. And Miles Teller is getting the most breakout star hype (although for my money a little bit of Miles Teller goes a long way). But years from now what the movie will be remembered for, if anything, is for being Shailene Woodley’s Mystic Pizza. Whether she finds her Pretty Woman or not who knows, but if there’s any justice in the world she will be America’s new(est) sweetheart. I would say our next great actress too, but it’s unclear if she’s even acting in this movie. I’m not totally convinced she was aware that cameras were rolling or that a movie was being made around her. I know a screenplay allegedly was written, but I'm pretty sure she was just saying whatever words came into her head. So natural and unaffected was Shailene Woodley in The Spectacular Now that she transcended “acting” and existed on some other plane of being. I would say she’s primed to be the biggest female movie star in the world, except for the fact that there is one minor, tiny little thing standing in her way….

9. Jennifer Lawrence
...And that is Jennifer Lawrence, the queen of 2013 and the queen of our hearts. Other than maybe the Pope, no one owned 2013 quite the way Jennifer Lawrence did. Suffice it to say that when WINNING AN OSCAR seems like a forgotten footnote on the list of things people remember from your year then that year was a pretty good one for you. And you know you're in a rarefied place when the actual walk up to receive the biggest honor possible in your industry does more for your fame and your career than the actual honor itself. Jennifer Lawrence is officially on some Michael Jackson-in-1983 shit. There's no way it can last, but really, in this day and age, there's nothing Jennifer Lawrence will ever be able to achieve that will be more impressive than keeping it going this long. Culture moves so quickly now and the backlash machine is so fast to pounce that we might never see anything like it again. There are still two more Hunger Games to promote and a possible nother Oscar win for American Hustle so who knows what greatness we still have in store for us, but no matter what happens from here we'll always have 2013 and J-Law telling Letterman a story about shitting herself.

10. "Stonehenge"/"The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)" videos
Allow me to plagiarize myself:

To take nothing away from “The Fox" which is obviously an incredible work of artistic genius, but the best thing about "The Fox" is that it has lead to the discovery of the existence of "Stonehenge". And "Stonehenge" is the best. (The best!)

Now do any more countries have their own versions of Flight of the Conchords that we should know about?

11. Breaking Bad
First off, can we just stop with this nonsense that Breaking Bad is the greatest show of all time? That’s just the recency bias talking. Plus haven't we established that The Wire is forever the best show of all time? I didn't realize this was still a discussion. But all that being said, Breaking Bad is probably the most suspenseful, the most masterfully plotted, the most well directed, and the most well acted TV show of all time. And it unquestionably had the greatest final season of any TV show ever. That is definitely not still a discussion. So while Breaking Bad ultimately may not have had a lot to say about the world other than dealing meth is a bad life choice and power corrupts absolutely, it all the way til its very end remained a masterpiece of storytelling and TV’s ultimate thrill ride. And it proved that in the quest for artistic immortality and respect, going out on your own terms is finally the new premature cancellation. To paraphrase Jessie Pinkman: closure, bitch!

12. Mad Men – “For Immediate Release”
Here’s a show though that had TONS to say about the world. Yes it addressed power, and strangely enough drugs, but also so much more. It's hard to pick just one episode from a brilliant season that featured Bob Benson, Peggy and Abe and Ted, the return of Betty, Sally walking in on Don and Sylvia, Roger being Roger, and the now legendary climatic Hershey’s speech. But for my money this midseason game changer was the finest of the year. If drama is the story of change than there wasn't a more dramatic hour of television in 2013. I've never seen a show firing on all cylinders so unexpectedly hit the reset button in the middle of a season before, and it's doubtful I ever will again. As the end credits rolled I was shocked, disoriented, and full of all the emotions. I loved it.

13. Kacey Musgraves - “Merry Go Round”
I enjoy Taylor Swift. I own all of Taylor Swift’s music. I listen to it often. Because I am a fan of all things Taylor Swift. But Taylor Swift...you just GOT SERVED (as the kids still presumably say).

 

Now if you’ll excuse me Taylor Swift, I’m off to get the lyrics to “Merry Go Round” tattooed on my face.

(Thank god this song didn't come out when I was a 16-year-old living in the Houston suburbs or there's a very real chance I might have actually done that)

14. The Manti Teo/catfishing scandal

The Dick Chaney shooting his friend in the face/Clint Eastwood berating a chair of 2013. Only better. And perhaps twitter’s finest hour.

15. Her
This movie should win all of the awards. And I mean that fairly literally. Not just Best Picture and Best Director, but, like, Best Costume Design, Best Art Direction, Best Casting, Best Location Scouting, and Best Everything. Because there's no element of this movie that isn’t perfect. Particularly perfect though: the otherworldly screenplay, the decision to have Shanghai stand in for Los Angeles, Joaquin Phoenix who might be best American male actor working today, Scarlett Johansson who absolutely deserves an Oscar nomination for a role in which she never appears on screen, and Amy Adams who has quietly become a fairly reliable signifier of quality. But most perfect of all is Spike Jonze. He’s now made four films and three of them are all-time classics (and the 4th isn't far off). Her though is without a doubt his masterwork. He took a seemingly comical and ridiculous premise - man falls in love with his computer - and crafted it into not only a searingly honest and heartfelt apology to his ex-wife, but into one of the most heartbreaking explorations of the quest for human connection in years. It’s both incredibly of its time and way ahead of it. It’s a master filmmaker at his absolute apex both as an artist and as a human. And it’s one of my all-time favorite movies.

16. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey at The Golden Globes

 

Serious Question: Why aren’t all awards shows just like this?

Serious Question Two: Why is it so rare that things are exactly as good as you know that they will be?

17. Orange is the New Black

Was there anything more 2013 than Orange is the New Black? It checked all the boxes - multiracial, gay-friendly, empowering to women, a sprawling ensemble cast, gave voice to people not normally represented in popular culture, on Netflix rather than "TV", designed for binge watching, a comedy without hard jokes, a drama with big laughs, hip-hop, NPR, mustaches. OITNB was 2013. But more importantly, at a time when culture seems obsessed with teaching old dogs new tricks, OITNB showed us all a different way forward: get a new dog.

18. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis - “Same Love”

Some generations have their “Change is Gonna Come” sung by Sam Cooke, and some have theirs sung by a guy whose most famous song is a novelty record about thrift store shopping. But then that’s not giving Macklemore enough credit. Because when I was young person the uber-popular zeitgeist-capturing white rapper du-jour was known for his misogyny, homophobia, violence, and nihilism. And today’s version on the other hand is known for his consciousness, his sobriety, his rejection of consumerism, and his LGBT activism. So while I’ll always have a place in my heart for Eminem due to what he meant to me during my formative years, without a doubt Macklemore, culturally, represents progress. And this is his "My Name Is".

19. Before Midnight

In a year when complaining about sequels and prequels and comic book adaptations reached a fever pitch, ironic that one the year’s best movies and one of my all-time favorite films (that's two in one year!) was part of a trilogy and a super hero franchise. And you better believe that Celine and Jesse are super heroes. They're super heroes of language. Super heroes of honesty. And my personal super heroes for proving once again that all you truly need for great art is two people talking.

#CelineandJesse4Ever

20. The New York Times article “I Know What You Think Of Me”

Finally, nothing resonated more deeply and personally with me in 2013 than this simple article in the New York Times. It articulates the complexity, contradiction, and difficulty of being a person in a relationship with other people more clearly, beautifully, and succinctly than anything else I've ever read.

“If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known” should be recited by school kids like the Pledge of Allegiance.

The Importance of Kanye West

(all quotes taken from Pitchfork’s oral history of the Yeezus sessions)

Noah Goldstein: I really like the fact that people are loving this album or they're like, "This is trash!" I don't really like up-the-middle music, because where's the opinion in that? I'd rather have people hate it than be in the middle

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It’s been almost two weeks now since I first heard Yeezus and I still don’t quite know what I think of it. I still can’t decide if it’s Dylan going electric or Dylan converting to Christianity. If it’s a masterpiece or disappointing. If it excites me or if it makes me sad. I’m almost positive I love it. But I’m still not sure I like it. And only Kanye could provoke that reaction.

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Noah Goldstein: "On Sight" sets a new bar. Nobody's doing that. There's no chance in hell that anybody's gonna put that on and be like, "Oh, that's J. Cole"-- not to diss J. Cole. But there's only one person who can do that kind of shit.

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Yeezus really says it all with its first track: “On Sight”. The moment that best defines the album comes halfway through the song when Kanye asks “How much do I not give a fuck / lemme show you right now before you give it up” then the song completely stops and launches into an extended sample of a completely different song, "He'll Give Us What We Really Need". That’s not something you do if you remotely give a fuck. But as Kanye just said, he clearly doesn’t. And really the whole song itself is a middle finger to giving a fuck, to melody, to convention, to hit singles, to music. It doesn’t ease you into the album, it assaults you. It’s almost literally Kanye shooting lasers at you. It's robots having sex in an abandoned warehouse just before the world ends. It’s not only not commercial, it’s actively anti-commercial. It's Kanye taking known hit-makers and pushing them to their furthest artistic extremes. “On Sight” is what Daft Punk wishes they were bold enough to sound like on Daft Punk records. “On Sight” is new. It’s like nothing Kanye has ever done before. It’s like nothing you were ever expecting him to do. After “On Sight” literally anything is possible. All options are now in play. “On Sight” is scary and daring and innovative. It’s challenging and original and in your face. I can’t stop thinking about it. 

I also don’t particularly like “On Sight”. And it’s definitely my least favorite song on the album.

Only Kanye could provoke that reaction.

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Travi$ Scott: You gotta be really dialed in to understand something like "On Sight".

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In a world where every person in a position of power’s sole obsession seems to be holding onto that power or expanding it, in music, a few times a generation, we get people who have so much power that they seem to only be interested in what they can do with it. They don’t care about staying popular as much as they care about staying relevant, and that's a huge difference. One is about success, the other is about achievement.

Jay-Z released the promo video for his new album recently and the buzz was about all the big names in the studio with him. The clip shows off that he is working with well-known producers, that he is trying to give us more of what we like, more of what has worked in the past, from reliable established brand names. With Yeezus on the other hand, Kanye has given us things we weren’t even aware existed. He's created a well curated trip through the edges of the underground. But it doesn't stop there. Kanye found new things, sure, but he took it a step further by reshaping what he found in his own image. He breathed life into clay. He made woman out of a rib. He IS a God. But a God who possibly hates us. A God who is (often literally) yelling at us to leave him alone. A God who would kill off his whole audience if it meant he could make purer art. He's like an underground indie band selling out, only completely the opposite. But paradoxically, chasing less popularity is making music fans love him more.

Only Kanye could provoke that reaction. 

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Hudson Mohawke: A lot of the record is trying to avoid obviousness. Through the entire process of putting it together, there were tons of easy slam dunks, but rather than just going for the hits and having an album that nobody's going to give a fuck about in a month or two, he intentionally sidestepped the obvious route each time. I think that's what going to give it more longevity and put it in a category of records that you'll go back to in 10 years time.

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Nearly everyone now agrees that Kid A is a masterpiece, but Kanye makes his version of Kid A and people complain that it doesn’t contain any singles or songs you can dance to or play at your parties. Which says a lot about where hip hop is at, and where Kanye is trying to take it. After all 808’s & Heartbreak was considered similarly difficult and uncommercial, yet it almost directly gave rise to Drake, one of the most popular and commercial rappers working today. Things often seem difficult and new, until they don’t. Yeezus leaked on a Friday and sounded completely inaccessible. By that Saturday "Black Skinheads" was soundtracking a Martin Scorsese trailer. By this week I’m sure it’s being played in clubs. And maybe it's Stockholm Sydrome, but after listening to it non-stop for two weeks Yeezus doesn't even sound that "out there" to me anymore. It sounds normal now. And that's because Kanye just changed the sound of music. He just created the future out of whole cloth. Maybe he is the new Steve Jobs after all.

So love Yeezus or hate it, it has officially declared that hip-hop is art now (just in case there was someone out there who didn't think it was already) and that there's no turning back. Now making interesting music is way cooler than making music that sells. Releasing a super commercial album geared for maximum radio play is now passé. The game changed overnight. Jay-Z’s new album is already dated and it’s not even out yet. Hell, Kanye just made his own entire back catalogue seem dated. His last solo album featured a Chris Rock comedy skit and a significant amount of Rick Ross.  Now I can’t imagine Rick Ross even LISTENING to Kanye's album let alone having anything to do with it. And it seems completely implausible that the man responsible for "Send It Up" could have ever released a song produced by Chris Martin.

I fear that Kanye is tearing music apart, and I simultaneously celebrate that he's making it stronger.
Only Kanye could provoke that reaction.

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Hudson Mohawke: It takes him out of the realm of so many other mainstream rap artists who only focus on the bragging side of things; you don't necessarily feel like you have any personal connection with a lot of those artists, whereas Kanye puts so much of his own personality into his music.

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Yeezus isn’t just Kid A though; it’s In Utero, it’s The Marshall Mathers LP, it’s Plastic Ono Band, and it's Rumours. It's music that actually sounds better the more you know about it. It's music that only the Kanyes of the world can give us. Because it's art that has context. If Yeezus had been released by, say, Wiz Khalifa, not only does no one listen to it, but it has no impact and no meaning. But since it comes from Kanye, not only will everyone who is serious about music at least hear it and think about it and give it a chance, but its songs and themes and sounds are all richer and more meaningful because of the way they build off of and respond to Kanye's past work and his life.
Does "Blood on the Leaves" sound the same without "Gold Digger" and Kim Kardashian and a lifetime of soul music samples? Is "Bound 2" resonant without The College Dropout? Does "I Am A God" mean as much with "Jesus Walks"? Does Yeezus even exist if Kanye's mother had never died?

After hearing Yeezus so many people have asked where Kanye goes from here. And thats a great question. But ultimately there's nowhere to go if you haven't come from anywhere.

I may not love Yeezus. I may very well never listen to it again after this week. But I love that I had to listen to it. And that its an absolutely essential part of the musical journey of a lifetime. I may not always like the ride, but I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Only Kanye could provoke that reaction.

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Justin Vernon: There's no pedestrian fuckery on this album. People are working their asses off to make the best shit, and Kanye's leading the pack.

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A wise man once said "theres leaders and theres followers / but I'd rather be a dick than a swallower". It's a ridiculous line of course. But it's profound in its own way. Better to be an asshole, difficult, unlikable, and less popular, if it means leading the culture in new directions rather than allowing it to be jammed down your throat. (That metaphor got a little ridiculous there at the end as well.)

Leaders lead, but every once in awhile someone comes along who creates new trails, not knowing if anyone else will ever follow along behind them. It's an essential job, but it's a hard choice to make. It's a hard life to live. You know who can do it though?

Only Kanye.

Why Aren't There More "Before Midnight"s?

Before Midnight is going to probably end up being the best-reviewed and most beloved movie of 2013. There’s almost no way anything is beating it on those fronts. It's an instant classic and a true masterpiece. Which leads to an obvious question: why aren’t more movies like Before Midnight? To get such a rapturous response from such a simple, inexpensive, seemingly easy-to-make movie, why can I not think of a single recent mainstream movie I could compare it to? Any two-character purely dialogue driven movies I think of from recent years are either alienating-ly artistic, have an incredibly narrow focus (usually hyper-intelligent twenty-something New Yorkers), or are depressingly dramatic awards-bait. In the 90’s indie scene that Richard Linklater came up in, literate dialogue-driven character studies were everywhere. But it’s fitting that Frances Ha would come out the same day as Before Midnight because now its just Linklater and Noah Baumbach left from those halcyon days of dialogue and flannel. And it’s worth asking why.

I get that practically speaking it’s largely an issue of economics. Before Midnight probably won’t crack $20 million at the box office. But it also only cost $3 million to make and just 15 days to shoot. It’s definitely making that investment back. And anyway, a billion dollars isn’t cool; you know what’s cool – a million dollars and something that lasts. Isn’t that why filmmakers got involved in this business in the first place?

And that’s what’s so maddeningly inexplicable about the dearth of Before Midnight-like movies – they’re seemingly so simple to make that it's hard to tell what’s holding filmmakers back from attempting them. They’re movies that are just people talking. That’s it. You don’t need much money, or big effects, or big stars. Because of their minimalist nature you can take as much time as you need to finish them. You can work on other more lucrative projects while they gestate. It doesn’t seem that hard. If a song is supposed to be three chords and the truth, then shouldn’t film just be a camera, two people, and the truth? If so, why does the truth always seem grafted onto movies after the fact? Instead of always needing Batman to symbolize the human conscience, why cant the human conscience for once just play itself? Cut out the middle-men, as it were, and just mainline us the good stuff. The pure uncut ideas and emotions. After all, most of us will never travel through space; all of us will always talk.

In fact many of the greatest moments in all of our lives are evenings with friends or lovers or family simply talking the night away – laughing, sharing, discussing, arguing. Nights where dramatic moments yield the biggest laughs and humorous jibes contain the most dramatic of truths. Nights with beautiful backdrops and long walks. Nights you never want to end and always long to revisit. So instead of always trying to give us an escape from real life why don’t filmmakers try creating a real life no one would want to escape from. Instead of struggling to come up with a high concept for your film why not just turn to the highest concept of all – daily existence. And instead of worrying about hitting all four quadrants with your film, just worry about one - the human condition. If you show it, I promise they will come. If not at first, they probably will eventually. And if not, well you’re not out much more than pride. But with so little risk and so much to gain why does Before Midnight feel like a such a rare precious gem when it should be the baseline, not the exception? It should be all that film aspires to. 

Otherwise, you’re just passing through.

Ranking the tracks on The 20/20 Experience from most Timbaland-y to least Timbaland-y

1. "Don't Hold the Wall"
This song should be the Wikipedia entry for Timbaland. Are we totally sure that it wasn't originally written as part of the Supa Dupa Fly sessions?

2. "Tunnel Vision"
Skittery drum sounds? Synths on synths on synths?  Lasers? Weird processed vocal noises in the background? The ghost of Aaliyah is pissed that she wasn't offered this track first.

3. "Mirrors"
The main part of the song is only a third Timbaland (and two thirds fun. and NSYNC), but the breakdown is the most Timbaland-y thing thats ever been Timbalanded.

4. "Spaceship Coupe"
Is that a baby cooing or a door creaking? Exactly the main question a good Timbaland track should always make you ask. Also, there's a crunchy low end. And spaceships!

5. "Strawberry Bubblegum"
Only Timbaland can make a Prince song sound like it was recorded in a swamp on the moon.

(Also, the breakdown sounds like it was recorded in an alternate reality where the entirety of modern pop music doesn't exist. I mean that as a compliment. I think.)

6. "Suit and Tie"
JT may be doing Sinatra, but Timbaland is doing trapped-underwater Mark Ronson.

And Jay-Z is doing Benadryl.

7. "Pusher Love Girl"
This is the Timbaland equivalent of just vocals and acoustic guitar. If Timbaland ever does MTV Unplugged he could just play this track exactly as it is.

8. "That Girl"
Who are The Tennessee Kings and what did they do with Timbaland? Is that him playing the clicker?

9. "Let the Groove In"
As literally everyone has pointed out, this sounds exactly like a Miami Sound Machine song. And Timbaland has probably been to Miami at some point? Maybe?

10. "Blue Ocean Floor" 
This wasn't produced by Timbaland, it was produced by a dolphin on LSD.

Will Adrien Brody Ever Be Nominated For Another Oscar: Investigating the Under-30 Oscar Curse

The release of the movie InAPPropriate Comedy has led to a lot of questions.
Like for example:

• A movie came out called InAPPropriate Comedy?
• It’s directed by the ShamWow Guy??
• How does this movie exist?
• Why does this movie exist?
• What the hell is Adrien Brody doing in it?
• No, seriously, it’s directed by the ShamWow guy?? 
• Didn’t he beat up a prostitute? (Yes he did)

And while all of those are fascinating questions (note: your definition of fascinating may differ from mine) the one that interests me the most is the fifth one. Because while this movie was apparently filmed awhile ago, the question is still worth asking: what in the world has happened to Adrien Brody?

Ten years ago this week, Adrien Brody memorably won an Oscar for Best Actor. The world was his oyster. Yet he hasn’t even so much as sniffed an Oscar nomination since. And he’s not alone. Since 1970 eighteen actors have won Oscars before their 30th birthday. Only two of them have gone on to win another Oscar, and as a group they have only amassed a grand total of seven post-victory nominations.

The Oscar curse is well known, but it hits the young particularly hard.

Looking at the eighteen people in the past four plus decades who have won Oscars before turning 30 it's possible to break them down into at least one of three specific categories. And looking at these categories can maybe help us figure out where Adrien Brody might fit in, and by extension, what might be next for him.

The Child Actors:
Adrien Brody doesn’t really seem to fit into this category, but in fact, at the time of his win he still had a youth about him that would have kept him from playing true adult roles. To paraphrase Britney Spears, he was not quite a boy, but not yet a man. Which is really what your 20s are all about. But  people like Anna Paquin and Tatum O'Neal weren't even in their 20s yet when they won their Oscars. So the "child actor" Oscar winner most comparable to Adrien Brody would then be Timothy Hutton who won at age 20 for Ordinary People.

Depending on your feelings about French Kiss, Leverage, and hitting on college girls at the bar next to my dorm (which Timothy Hutton used to do regularly) then Ordinary People was the peak of Timothy Hutton's career. Instead of his Oscar propelling him to great heights, he hasn't made a relevant movie since. A large part of that was likely the always difficult transition from child actor to adult roles. And part of it was also surely the difficulty in trying to move from supporting roles to leading man parts. But what his career (and the careers of all the actors who have won Oscars while still ostisentably children) demonstrates most acutely, is the biggest and most obvious reason for the Under 30 Oscar Curse: it's the ultimate in "too much too soon". That Oscar creates too much pressure, too many expectations, too much success before you can handle it and before you know what you want to do with it. After all, people younger than 30 aren't generally known for their exceptional decision making ability. But that's why although Adrien Brody was youthful when he won, I wouldn't say he was particularly young.

By the time Adrien Brody won for The Pianist he had been in the business for over ten years. He had headlined movies. He had had major roles in films made by Barry Levinson, Spike Lee, and Ken Loach. He had already experienced the highs of critical acclaim and the infamous low of being cut out of The Thin Red Line. All of the problems that Timothy Hutton would have to face Adrien Brody had already overcome. So perhaps Adrien Brody would fit in better in the next group....

The Young Ingénues
What do Gweneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie, and Reese Witherspoon have in common? They're some of the biggest female stars in the world. They all won Oscars before their 30th birthdays. And they’re all only one-time Oscar nominees.

Its no secret that the old men who make up The Academy love them some attractive young ladies, so it should be no surprise that the bulk of the Under 30 Oscar winners fall into this category. What is surprising though is the lack of critical success the winners have had after their victories. And as surprising is the fact that there's not a single man that you would clearly place in this category. In fact of all the Under 30 Oscar winners since 1970 only three of them have been men. So while women can be taken seriously as actors right away, men have to wait until they're older to win Oscars. Especially attractive men. Which raises the question: Is Adrien Brody a leading man?

Gillette would say yes. People who saw The Affair of the Necklace would say maybe. But the roles that he takes on would seem to suggest that the answer is no. Sure Adrien claims to view himself as a leading man, but after winning his Oscar, when he could have seemingly had any role he wanted, here are the ones he chose:

A violent mentally ill person in The Village
An amnesiac trapped in an insane asylum in The Jacket
A brooding writer in King Kong
A brooding detective in Hollywoodland

Only in The Jacket does he get the girl, and none of those parts would be considered typical leading man roles. So while an attractive enough guy, clearly his looks/attractiveness aren't a real driving force behind Adrien Brody's career. So it seems like its more likely he's in the next category...

The Character Actors
Depending where you put Jennifer Hudson, Marlee Matlin, and Hilary Swank, the only real character actor type in the past four decades to win an Oscar before turning 30 is Cuba Gooding Jr. Which is interesting. Because these days Cuba Gooding Jr. is exactly the type of person you'd expect to see in a movie like InAPPropriate Comedy. In fact it's kind of surprising to learn that Cuba Gooding Jr. ISN'T in InAPPropriate Comedy. Because Cuba Gooding Jr. has become synonymous with crap.  So it's encouraging that Adrien Brody isn't at that point yet. Like Swank and Hudson he hasn't used his Oscar as a license to work non-stop. He's been relatively discriminating and worked largely with great directors like Peter Jackson, Wes Anderson, Rain Johnson, and Woody Allen. But working with great directors doesn't necessarily a great career make. In his movies with each of those men he's played the smaller more interesting character parts rather than the leads, even though it seems like he could easily be playing leads if he wanted to. It's fitting he's played Mark Ruffalo's brother, because they both seem like guys who could be leading men, but yet aren't for some reason. Although with Adrien it's hard to imagine him ever being in things like 13 Going on 30 or The Avengers. It seems like he'd rather just hang out with Andre 3000 and say lines like "Go ahead, make me gay" in InAPPropriate Comedy. Rather than becoming the next Pacino, he seems more like James Franco without all the degrees. Someone that doesn't quite know what he wants out of Hollywood any more than Hollywood knows what it wants out of him. He's trapped between leading man and character actor, unable to fully commit to either side. He doesn't quite fit into any Under 30 Oscar Winner category, yet also fits into all three in different ways. But while the newest member of the Under 30 Oscar club, Jennifer Lawrence, is clearly the new Audrey Hepburn, it appears that there's no historical precedent for Adrien Brody. Except for maybe one...

Richard Dreyfuss was technically 30 when he won Best Actor for The Goodbye Girl and was at the time a bigger star than Adrien Brody will likely ever be. Ultimately his post-Oscar career was derailed by drugs. But like Adrien he was someone trapped between being a character actor and a leading man. He made a point of working with good directors and chose interesting roles rather than simply the biggest ones. And also, he made comedies that were seemingly way beneath him (Stakeout, Let it Ride, Moon Over Parador, What About Bob). But, most importantly, he was also eventually nominated for another Oscar (Mr. Holland's Opus). So there's real hope that Adrien Brody, Mr. Flirty Harry in InAPPropriate Comedy himself, could once again be an Oscar nominee. And he wouldn't have been in Detachment or be currently filming a Paul Haggis movie (with James Franco!) if he didn't care about such things.

But of course if it doesn't work out, Richard Dreyfuss is about to star in a movie directed by Jason Preistley. So there's always that....