What has the world come to where I’m passionately rooting for Taylor Swift to win Album of the Year if for no other reason than to keep Beyonce from winning it? Is this a world where the only thing that keeps I Am Sasha Fierce from winning Album of the Year (yes the whole year) is a mainstream country music album written and performed by a teenager who can’t sing? Apparently it is. No offense to Taylor Swift, but is this really where we’re at as a people? Look, I realize the Grammys exist in some sort of strange alternate dimension, but even by their own ridiculous standards this year’s awards were laughably absurd. And worst of all, like the show itself, they weren’t even outrageously terrible enough to get outraged about. Usually I can count on something so egregious happening that I can get a whole half-page rant going the next day. And then I'll inevitably remember that the Grammys are completely invalid and irrelevant and that I’m the only person under the age of 50 who gives a fuck. But this year all the nominees were so completely mediocre that as long as I Am Sasha Fierce didn’t win Album of the Year I could literally not have cared less about what happened. And so, sure enough, right up until the last minute the one and only ridiculous thing the Grammys could do that would piss me off looked like it would actually happen. Somehow it didn’t, but the downside of that was that it meant that the proceedings were so thoroughly uninspiring that I barely had enough material to write a whole post. Even when the awards themselves blow the performances are usually compelling. Not so this year. But I knew the world would be outraged (outraged!) if I didn’t write something about an event that absolutely no one else cared about or watched. You would never forgive me. So I do this all for you....
Highlight: Pink
(Look, I think Pink should get more respect. I like what she's about. I’m a fan. But when Pink is the highlight of your awards show you might have a problem)
Lowlight: As always, Beyonce
(Or as I texted my friend: That might be my least favorite thing I’ve ever experienced in the history of my life)
Meh: Everything else
Okay, I guess I'll go more in-depth than that....
*Dear Lady Gaga and Elton John,
I have no idea what the fuck any of that was.
And I mean that in absolutely the best way possible.
*So what do the other two Black Eyed Peas do exactly? They don’t play instruments or sing and far as I can tell. What’s left?
*"Welcome to the future?" Really, Will.I.Am? So in the future people dance around on a stage unimaginatively singing their hit song at an awards show? Wow the future is CRRRRAAAZZZY.
*Very VERY high on the list of things I thought I’d never say: “Well done Jamie Foxx”
*And in an all-time great upset…Michael Jackson’s kids seem normal! How did this happen??
(Also, I’m pretty sure the Grammys just made up an award so they would have something to give Michael
Jackson. I think the name of the award was, no joke, something to the effect of The Michael Jackson Lifetime Achievement Award. Michael Jackson won the Michael Jackson Award? I did not see that one coming.)
*Man, that Quentin Tarantino is so understated. What a wallflower.
*Someone explain Drake to me. What’s next, Kenan & Kel becoming a respected rap duo who are taken seriously by the hip-hop community? Why is no one calling bullshit on this? Somewhere Tupac is rolling over in his theoretical grave. And by “somewhere” I mean “his house”.
*Continuing my regular uncalled for and unwarranted attacks on Stephen Colbert, he did a really weak job. Jon Stewart can host the Oscars and Colbert can’t even handle a few minutes of jokes at the Grammys. Check and mate my friend. (Stewart 4 Life!)
*In terms of things I look forward to every year, Neil Portnow at the Grammys is the exact opposite of Meryl Streep at the Golden Globes.
*YES! Bon Jovi gets to play not 1, not 2, but 3 songs. I can’t…wait?
*Remember that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry dates a woman who looks either great or hideous depending on the light? That woman was Katy Perry.
*I think my favorite part of the Dave Matthews performance was when he invited the kitchen sink up on stage.
*Man I really miss Kanye. It’s just not the Grammys without him. If he had appeared out of nowhere to storm the stage as Taylor Swift was accepting Album of the Year it would have definitely been the greatest moment in television history. It would have made the moon landing look like the 2005 NBA Finals.
Alas.
*Lastly: Maybe my high school experience was different than yours, so I could be way off base here, but in what high school is a statuesque blond with model good-looks who writes and performs her own music considered an undesirable dork? I mean who is this cheerleader that her friend prefers to her? Megan Fox? Is this the most attractive high school class in recorded history? I just don’t buy for a second that there’s some teenage boy who says to Taylor Swift, “you know, I know that we have similar taste in humor and music and that you’re really into me and all, but I’m sorry I’m just not attracted to you, what with your T-shirt and sneaker wearing and all.” Who is this boy? Teenage George Clooney? It’s all utterly implausible.“You Belong With Me” is to Taylor Swift what “Bad” is to Michael Jackson. And no one can tell me different.
Showing posts with label Quentin Tarantino. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Quentin Tarantino. Show all posts
Monday, February 01, 2010
Thursday, September 10, 2009
A Fan's Dilemma
The release of a new Third Eye Blind album a few weeks back has presented a major problem for me. See I’m a Third Eye Blind. And not in a nostalgic ironic way. I like their new stuff. I subscribe to their newsletter and visit at least three different websites related to their music on a semi-regular basis. I have every song they’ve ever recorded plus enough bootlegs and live recordings to fill three CDs. So yeah, I’m a FAN. So why is this a problem? Because, well, because they’re Third Eye Blind.
Look, as I’ve said here previously I don’t really believe in guilty pleasures. If something gives you pleasure then why should you feel guilty about it? I still believe this strongly. And I know I really shouldnt care what others think. And about most things I dont. But if you were to ask me to name my favorite bands I can pretty much guarantee you that Third Eye Blind would never come up.
And that’s a problem. I think.
Quentin Tarantino got me thinking about this problem right around when the new Third Eye Blind album came out. He did an interview in which he named his favorite movies from the past 17 years and it’s a stunningly strange list that includes things like Anything Else, Unbreakable, and Speed. When you’re Quentin Tarantino you can do things like that. In fact it’s pretty much expected. But if he were an up and coming director who hadn’t made Pulp Fiction and was trying to be taken seriously in the film industry would he be as willing to argue in defense of Anything Else? Would that make his facebook page? I don’t know. Maybe he wouldnt care, but I do. I do care what infomation is out there about me. Because you know what happens when I meet someone new? I friend them on facebook and then I make judgments and assumptions about them based on the things they’ve chosen to list on their facebook page. And I’m not alone in this. We all do to some degree. Because in the facebook age our like and dislikes are more than just that; they’re cultural signifiers.
And that brings me back to Third Eye Blind. I always mention to strangers my love for the Beatles. Not only are they truly my favorite band, but they also have the added benefit of being completely safe and universally beloved. Loving the Beatles makes me look good without saying too much else. And once I know you better I’ll talk to you about U2. They’re obviously a much more divisive band, but what they are about is such a strong signifier of what I am about, that my love for them says a lot about where I am coming from in the world. It's significant to understanding me as a person to know that I’m a U2 fan. But Third Eye Blind will probably never ever come up. Not because I’m necessarily embarrassed by it or because I feel guilty about it, but because I know how it looks from the outside. What they signify to the outside world. It would seem to me the equivalent of someone saying to me that they were big fans of Smashmouth. And I know what I would think about that person. And I don’t want people to think those things about me. Because what Third Eye Blind fandom seems to signify in popular culture is not what I am about. My Third Eye Blind fandom doesn’t signify accurately who I am. I am not “Third Eye Blind Fan”. I mean, yes, technically I am, but saying that just obfuscates the message. I can pick all the members of TV on the Radio out of a lineup no sweat, I’ve would describe Dan Deacon as the best concert going experience of my life, and I love the new Dirty Projectors album. And all of these things would seem to be equally as important and unimportant to understanding who I am as a person as the Third Eye Blind thing. But yet the Third Eye Blind “thing” is the signifier that most people would latch onto. Because it’s the ways that we’re different from the norm of those around us that are of interest to those trying to get a handle on us. Liking Star Wars doesn’t really say much about you, other than that you’re alive and possibly male. But NOT liking Star Wars, or never having seen Star Wars, would seem to say a great deal about you. And it would say things that you might not want said if, say, you were looking to meet a bunch of sci-fi inclined movie-loving males.
And so when I meet cultured, intelligent, hip young New Yorkers I mention The Beatles and Radiohead and Stevie Wonder. And then later I’ll mention U2 and Kanye West. But much like how I say my favorite movies are Annie Hall and Almost Famous, while knowing deep down that if I had to chose one movie to take with me to a deserted island it would be Primary Colors, the truth is that I haven’t listened to anything other than the new Third Eye Blind album in the past three weeks.
That’s who I am.
And also it’s not.
I just can’t decide.
Look, as I’ve said here previously I don’t really believe in guilty pleasures. If something gives you pleasure then why should you feel guilty about it? I still believe this strongly. And I know I really shouldnt care what others think. And about most things I dont. But if you were to ask me to name my favorite bands I can pretty much guarantee you that Third Eye Blind would never come up.
And that’s a problem. I think.
Quentin Tarantino got me thinking about this problem right around when the new Third Eye Blind album came out. He did an interview in which he named his favorite movies from the past 17 years and it’s a stunningly strange list that includes things like Anything Else, Unbreakable, and Speed. When you’re Quentin Tarantino you can do things like that. In fact it’s pretty much expected. But if he were an up and coming director who hadn’t made Pulp Fiction and was trying to be taken seriously in the film industry would he be as willing to argue in defense of Anything Else? Would that make his facebook page? I don’t know. Maybe he wouldnt care, but I do. I do care what infomation is out there about me. Because you know what happens when I meet someone new? I friend them on facebook and then I make judgments and assumptions about them based on the things they’ve chosen to list on their facebook page. And I’m not alone in this. We all do to some degree. Because in the facebook age our like and dislikes are more than just that; they’re cultural signifiers.
And that brings me back to Third Eye Blind. I always mention to strangers my love for the Beatles. Not only are they truly my favorite band, but they also have the added benefit of being completely safe and universally beloved. Loving the Beatles makes me look good without saying too much else. And once I know you better I’ll talk to you about U2. They’re obviously a much more divisive band, but what they are about is such a strong signifier of what I am about, that my love for them says a lot about where I am coming from in the world. It's significant to understanding me as a person to know that I’m a U2 fan. But Third Eye Blind will probably never ever come up. Not because I’m necessarily embarrassed by it or because I feel guilty about it, but because I know how it looks from the outside. What they signify to the outside world. It would seem to me the equivalent of someone saying to me that they were big fans of Smashmouth. And I know what I would think about that person. And I don’t want people to think those things about me. Because what Third Eye Blind fandom seems to signify in popular culture is not what I am about. My Third Eye Blind fandom doesn’t signify accurately who I am. I am not “Third Eye Blind Fan”. I mean, yes, technically I am, but saying that just obfuscates the message. I can pick all the members of TV on the Radio out of a lineup no sweat, I’ve would describe Dan Deacon as the best concert going experience of my life, and I love the new Dirty Projectors album. And all of these things would seem to be equally as important and unimportant to understanding who I am as a person as the Third Eye Blind thing. But yet the Third Eye Blind “thing” is the signifier that most people would latch onto. Because it’s the ways that we’re different from the norm of those around us that are of interest to those trying to get a handle on us. Liking Star Wars doesn’t really say much about you, other than that you’re alive and possibly male. But NOT liking Star Wars, or never having seen Star Wars, would seem to say a great deal about you. And it would say things that you might not want said if, say, you were looking to meet a bunch of sci-fi inclined movie-loving males.
And so when I meet cultured, intelligent, hip young New Yorkers I mention The Beatles and Radiohead and Stevie Wonder. And then later I’ll mention U2 and Kanye West. But much like how I say my favorite movies are Annie Hall and Almost Famous, while knowing deep down that if I had to chose one movie to take with me to a deserted island it would be Primary Colors, the truth is that I haven’t listened to anything other than the new Third Eye Blind album in the past three weeks.
That’s who I am.
And also it’s not.
I just can’t decide.
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