It’s hard to believe that I am finally, at long last, a college graduate. It seems like college took almost as long to complete as it took me to update the journal. Yet at the same time it also seems like just yesterday I plagiarized my first college paper. Yet now its four years later and I have my cheap paper folder that is supposed to contain my degree but that I know likely never will as there’s at least a 60% chance the school will fuck it up somehow and I’ll never receive it. And although the past four years were fun, I cant help but feel that I somewhat missed out on the full Marymount experience. I mean I made it through four years at Marymount without not getting cast, developing a nicotine addiction, or having sex with a guy. Which I guess actually means I have a lot in common with most of the girls at Marymount.
I’m sorry, that’s not entirely fair. I take that back.
Most girls at Marymount are addicted to nicotine… Regardless, it’s quite an accomplishment. But nevertheless it’s over, and all I have now is the memories. Well that, and the emotional scars. And the soul crushing debt. And the deep-seated hatred for all humanity. And of course…the musings.
*Top 3 &1/2 Observations About Graduation:
1.) I feel like the valedictorian got that speech out of Valedictorian Speeches for Dummies. Either that or out of Mad Libs but instead of putting “penis” and “fart” in the blanks she put in “momentous” and “exacerbate” instead.
2.) I think I speak for most of us when I say: who knew Shawn McLaughlin was such a nerd?
3.) Which name was most surprising to hear being called out: Nick Billotti or Joe Muto? Its hard to say.
3 & 1/2.) Some people have said Hilary’s speech was boring and uninspiring because she’s got the personality of a piece of lumber. Others have said it was because she didn’t take Crit. III. Others have said it was because after she heard the first guy’s speech she knew she couldn’t top him so she decided to not even bother. And while all valid, none of those are completely right. I think deep down we all know the real reason…
It’s because she’s a woman.
(First piece of hate mail coming in 3…2…1…Hey there it is!)
*Barbara Adrian makes me go “OOOOO”.
*I thought I should share this email I got the other day…
To: Andy Stokan
From: Peter Baker
Subject: Kudos on your shit
Dear all involved with your shit last night,
What a grand and stimulating excrement of feces you partook in last night! The lugubrious deliverance of the soupcon of excrements into the tranquil pool of liquid below evoked Renior’s masterpiece Loir-et-Chait de Blois and the voluptuous enormity of each fecal matter caused a hardening to transpire in mine own pants. While watching, I was reminded of Bernard Pevou’s fine work Les Triumph du Poopoo in which he states so majestically, “Quicon du la pori cara wei”. And I think we can all agree on that! The lighting and set too were of such splendor and magnificence that I myself did shit mine own trousers several times over. Kudos!
-Peter Baker
*Specially Requested Shout Out of the Week: Theater Bakeshop - baking quality plays since Spring ‘05
*Top 3 & 1/2 Ways Java City is Different Than the Real World:
1.) At Java City, Carmine gives you free smoothies; in the real world, Carmine makes you eat cake.
2.) At Java City, I can’t have my iced coffee because they are out of two key ingredients: ice and coffee; in the real world, I shoot them in the face.
3.) At Java City, you get coffee and hip-hop at the same time; in the real world, not so much.
3 & 1/2.) At Java City, if they are closed you can always go use the vending machines; oh wait no you can’t because they are fucking broken!
*Who is “Kelly” and how can I thank her?
*I have a math problem for you:
1 building + 8 floors + 3 elevators + (1 elevator that services all 8 floors) – (2 elevators that only service 3 floors) + 10,000 decrepit old people = sheer chaos. Seriously did the people that run this school not pass basic math? Wait, don’t answer that…But seriously the express elevator idea is like the worst idea the school has made since whatever the last decision they made prior to that one was.
The only good thing the express elevators have done is given worth to the 7th floor. Before it was the armpit of the school, now it’s the place to want your class to be. As Martha Cary said, only with much funnier wording, the 7th Floor is now like the 86th Street stop of Marymount. Now if only the cross-town bus stopped there too we’d be all set.
*My first three years at Marymount saw a lot of change, but through it all there was one thing that always remained the same. If you were at school and you had time to kill the only place to do it was the Nuge. Regardless of if you had to kill five minutes or five hours, the Nuge could meet your time wasting needs. It was the place to see and be seen. Whether you were Nairoby Otero or just one of Nairoby’s friends, the Nuge was the place be. It didn’t matter if you wanted to bitch about every aspect of human existence with the musical theater kids in the corner or just practice your scene at a really loud volume; there was a place for you in the Nuge. But this past year the Nuge just wasn’t the same. I would often have to search for several seconds before even finding a familiar face. Some of the computers actually functioned. And on occasion, Katie Gorum was nowhere to be found! It got so bad I almost considered doing my jewelry shopping somewhere else. Most days I could barely even kill half a Fox 5 News Segment in there. So while I have moved on, there are those who are just begining their days at Marymount who will sadly never know about the thriving civilization that once existed in the very room where they eat their daily Graces’ salad. And it is for them that I feel bad. May they find their social life somewhere new.
“The Nuge is dead, long live the Nuge!”
*Top 3 & 1/2 Potential New Slogans for Marymount:
1.) “High School: The College Years”
2.) “Our students are just like the kids from “Fame”, only minus the talent and ambition!”
3.) “Putting the liberal back in liberal arts!”
3 & 1/2.) “Got coke?”
*Rumor has it that one time a guy ate an entire Java City chocolate chip cookie in one sitting. He’s dead now.
*In closing I wanted to say something slightly heartfelt. But then Lauren Morelli stole my thunder. So to elaborate on what she said, I will say that the fact we like to bitch about things, and the fact that we’re a tight community who deep down loves our school aren’t facts that are in opposition. In reality, they go hand in hand. It’s not just 9/11 that bonded us, but moreso it was the little things. The waiting outside at 4am in the cold to register for classes. The first days of 55th Street. Knowing what things were like pre-Jim Hundriser. The Black Sheep being our college bar. Having to rehearse your scene with eight other groups in the Rat. Having to sit through The Seagull. The entire Ben Prior Administration. And the list goes on and on. All these little things joined us together as much as “the big thing”. And bitching about them all is what made the bond so strong. It gave us a common goal and shared pain, and as a psychology major would tell you (if they existed), that’s one of the strongest ways to create an emotional bond with another person. The crazy thing is that sometime during all that bitching we actually changed things. It’s hard to believe, but the school is now actually a functional institution. And sadly as the school gets better, each incoming class gets worse. (If you don’t believe me, ask David Mold.) And it breaks my heart. Because the new kids will never know the Marymount we knew. The Marymount that made us who we are. They know the post-surgery Marymount, but we knew her back when she was fat and acne ridden. We knew her when she was real. But they will never know her, because we killed her. They say love hurts; well I guess our love did. Because the Gucci purse carrying, low rise jean wearing, fabulously manicured English majors who now populate the Nuge are not Marymount. And I’m sure there are also females who match the same description, and they aren’t Marymount either.
We are.
Scrappy, disgruntled, and never taking anything for granted. “The Golden Class.”
We may not have been able to buy a plasma TV as a Senior gift but we did something else.
We built a school.
And for that we are very sorry.
I love you all.
Top 3 & 1/2 of the Week:
1.) THE WEST WING! (A full length article on why The West Wing is the greatest thing in the history of man might be forthcoming. But dont hold me to that.)
2.) 1845 1st Avenue, Apt. 2S
3.) neverending summer
3 & 1/2.) Black Rebel Motorcycle Club- "Whatever Happened to My Rock N Roll"
Thought of the Week:
Would the opposite of the video game "Street Fighter" be "Street Lover"? Would it be the game for pacifists? I mean I feel like thats really a large untapped market for fighting games. And if they did make it, would its theme song be "Why Dont We Do It In The Road"? Someone should look into this...
Showing posts with label Marymount Manhattan College. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marymount Manhattan College. Show all posts
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
The Andys
Well now that the holiday season is over, it's time for the REAL Christmas season to begin. And I don't say that just because it's the return of Fred the Online Journal (although Fred is the present that just keeps on giving). No, I say that because now it's awards season. In the next month or so we will have the Golden Globes, the Grammys, the Oscar nominations announcement, and then of course, the REAL Christmas, the Oscars themselves. Because who cares about a season celebrating some spiritual being who will give us forgiveness for all our sins and eternal love and life, when we can watch famous people hand each other shiny trophies? Plus with Meryl Streep nominated for Best Supporting Actress at the Globes there's a good chance we might even get to see another Meryl Streep drunken awards show appearance which is always the highlight of any year. You see, Oscar season is what life is all about. Now sure there are other award shows out there throughout the year such as the Emmys, the AMAs, and the dreaded People's Choice Awards which always make me have thoughts such as "who are these 'people' they speak of?" and "maybe genocide wouldn't be such a bad thing". But of course those awards shows are not valid. They suck. Unlike the awards shows I like. Which are good. So for the next month or so Fred here will be devoted entirely to awards related musings, opinions, and reactions. So while you are out having a life and being productive, I will be here chronicling every minute detail of how the fuck a guy named Usher who once appeared in the movie She's All That is now nominated for multiple Grammys. And I will spend hundreds of words doing it. It will be my crowning achievement of irrelevance. So to prepare you for the upcoming onslaught of banality, I have prepared my first awards related entry of the season: My coverage of my own personal awards. You can call them the Andys.
Top 3 & 1/2 Movies of the Year
1.) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:
I'll try not to say too much about any of these movies because with all the awards show stuff coming up I'll have plenty of other times to go into more detailed opnions about the movies mentioned here. But for the time being I will say a few brief things: The only thing better than Charlie Kaufman is Charlie Kaufman with heart. And the only thing better than Charlie Kaufman with heart is Jim Carrey playing Charlie Kaufman with heart. And the only thing better than Jim Carrey playing Charlie Kaufman with heart is nothing. I really don't need to sell you on this point because it was your favorite movie of the year too. Moving on...
2.) Before Sunset:
Before Sunset on the other hand, you probably never saw. All I can say is go rent it NOW. Actually now is too late. Build a time machine and go back and time and rent it yesterday. Because any day spent without having seen this movie is a day that life is less fulfilling than it should be. Like most great movies, Before Sunset presents an idealized, fantasy version of life, yet one that is at the same time so real that you feel like you are watching real life on screen. And not just any life, but a life you know. Or a life you want to know. And not in a Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks way but in a way that is utterly real. This movie is why we go to movies. And how many movies could inspire that statement using only two people talking and walking around Paris for close to an hour and a half and nothing else? Only one. Before Sunset. It's the movie few people would have the balls to make. There is no real plot, nothing really happens and it ends with, well maybe the greatest ending to any movie ever, but yet one that wraps nothing up. Yet who needs any of that stuff when you have dialogue, characters, and a relationship this good? The most physically intimate the two characters ever get is a long hug but yet it's the most sexual, passionate, and unabashedly romantic non-Cameron Crowe movie I've seen in, maybe forever. And it does it all with words and with an innate connection between people. This is what love and life are all about. I could talk about it forever but just go see it already. It maybe the ultimate movie-as-life-as-movie and it is for sure THE romance for our times. You'll laugh, you'll think, you'll dream, you'll consider crying (pansy), and before you know it you'll have memorized every line. I just want to yell it from the rooftops: GO RENT THIS FUCKING MOVIE!
3.) Sideways:
I think the wine industry and Alexander Payne are in cahoots. I also think I just actually used the word "cahoots". Regardless, in 20 years from now as I lie in the gutter clutching my last bottle of Pinot Noir wondering what happened to my life I'll have this movie to blame. Apparently wanting to be in a constant state of drunkenness can lead to a touching romance and a great film of the highest artistic merit. Good. Just the sort of validation my life needed...
3 & 1/2.) Hero:
The most beautiful LOOKING movie of the year, and maybe ever. I honestly can't think of anything that's ever been more visually stunning. Yet due to the ridiculously archaic Academy rules regarding foreign films, it likely won't be able to be up for any Oscars of any kind. The other cinematographers of the world must be thrilled by that fact. Because the look of this film would not have been overlooked by voters. There would be no way. It's burned permanently into their brains. Thinking back, I couldn't tell you exactly what happened in this movie, but I could tell you exactly how whatever was happening looked. American filmmakers: watch and learn. As with many things, the Asians can teach you a thing or ten.
Top 3 & 1/2 Albums of the Year
1.) Green Day- American Idiot:
Remember when "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" was your senior class song and you thought "how the heck is this song by Green Day? Didn't they once release a video that consisted of them ripping the stuffing out of sofa cushions?" Well every song on this album makes "Good Riddance" seem like "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" in terms of quality and artistic merit. Sometimes my brain hurts it's so good. Its one of those albums where I'll always remember the first time I heard it. Greg Fusco put it on in the dressing room during Arcadia and we were all somewhat half listening, but more trying on tights and insulting each other in British accents. (And who said theater majors weren't cool?) Slowly it started capturing my attention until I stopped what I was doing and just sat there and listened. Every night after that I couldn't wait to get backstage and listen. During Game 3 of the Red Sox-Yankees series I even wanted to turn off the game to listen to the album. Music that makes we want to turn off baseball: That should say all you need to know. Two nine minute long multi-part "punk" songs. Blatant anti-Bush messages. Some semblance of a story and thru-line throughout the album. It's genius. It's gotten a lot of comparisons to the rock operas of The Who, but I think that slights Green Day somewhat. I mean a story about deaf, dumb and blind kid who plays a mean pinball vs. a story about the nature of our society. Hmm, it's a toss up...
In the end it's hard to believe that the album that best defines 2004 was written by a band that is most famous for an album called "Dookie". Then again maybe not...Regardless, even the Grammy voters agree: it's a classic album. And maybe the only one from 2004 that my grandkids will still be listening to.
2.) Brian Wilson- "SMiLE":
If I said, "hey check out this new album by the former lead singer of the Beach Boys that includes an ode to vegetables on it", you'd probably throw it in the trash. But if I said, "hey this is what Radiohead would have sounded like if they had been around in the 60's and were the chief artistic rival of Paul McCartney", then you would be interested. Well, guess what? I would be talking about the same album! Crazy, I know. If you don't believe me, then take it from my good friend Mr. Will Lacker who when discussing SMiLE said, (and I'm heavily paraphrasing) "That is some weird shit!" Okay settle down now and let me finish...For those that don't know the story, this was supposed to be the follow up to "Pet Sounds" 37 years ago but the other Beach Boys thought it was too weird, then the Beatles beat them to the punch with "Sgt. Pepper", then Brian Wilson went insane. He then had to spend the next few years in the looney bin, as they called it back then. (That and "the cuckoos nest" apparently.) Well now he's out and roaming the streets and finally releasing his "teenage symphony to God" 37 years later. When they say they don't make 'em like they used to, listen to this album and you'll see that "they" are right. You could never release a "teenage symphony to God" today. Or a love song about vegetables for that matter. The only teenage symphonies these days are "teenage symphonies to crap". (Damn, I'm clever...). SMiLE, despite its capitalization problems, was the best-reviewed album of the year, but still, it's a shame it couldn't have been released 37 years ago. Then it would now be a classic instead of a little heard oddity. At the time it would have seemed ahead of its time, and in retrospect I don't know if its time has, or will, ever come. It's an album that doesn't really have one great or memorable stand-alone song on it, but absolutely must be taken as a whole. But as a "whole album as artistic statement" it might be the best there is. And not to say it's better than "Sergeant Pepper", but it is a better "concept album", since, lets face it, Sgt. Pepper really has no concept. And it even has "Good Vibrations" to serve as its "Day in the Life"- a classic single that has nothing to do with the rest of the album yet closes it off perfectly. And it also contains songs about Plymouth Rock and, I can't possibly stress this strongly enough, a LOVE SONG ABOUT VEGTABLES! I'd like to hear someone today try and pull that off. But since I doubt anyone can I'm going to have to give Brian Wilson his props. The second best album of 1967 is now the second best album of 2004.
3.) Modest Mouse- Good News for People Who Love Bad News:
There are certain works of music that whenever you hear them they instantly take you back to a specific place and time. Like "Gangstas Paradise" by Coolio. Or "C is for Cookie" by Cookie Monster. Well this whole album will always undoubtedly remind me of this summer. And that's good news. And now that I actually own it myself I can relive summer whenever I want. As a side note: I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I can hear "Ocean Breathes Salty" now at a Hallmark store or not, but it certainly does give me some kind of hope for the future. Then I remember that the biggest hit of the year was by Usher and some guy named Lil' John who likes to carry around an oversized gold chalice out of which he drinks "Crunk Juice". And then I go sit in the corner and cry.
3 & 1/2.) Kanye West- College Dropout:
When I bought this album the girl checking me out at Best Buy started excitedly telling me how great and hilarious the skits on the album were. I was shocked. A cashier in New York City was actually talking to me. Even more shockingly, someone was actually excited about having a conversation with me. (She must not have known about the journal...) But the most shocking thing of all was that she was right. Not only did I not skip right past the skits, I actually listened to them multiple times! In fact once I even skipped past a song to hear a skit! And then of course the earth promptly stopped spinning on its axis. But its true, Kanye is the best thing to happen to rap skits since The Mad Rapper. Even more importantly than that, he's the best thing to happen to rap since at least mid-2003. I was going to put this album in this spot before I even heard it just based on "Jesus Walks" and "All Falls Down", but now that I've actually heard the album I can confidentially say it's the best non-Outkast or Eminem rap album of the millennium. All four years of it. Kanye is just that good. Not only did he pen the immortal line "The way Kathy Lee needed Regis/That's the way I need Jesus" but he also made me enjoy listening to a Brandy song. That's right; Brandy. Freaking MOESHA! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
(I actually have no idea what that saying means but it just sounds cool.)
(Word.)
Top 3 & 1/2 Best Things to Happen to Marymount This Year
1.) Thefacebook.com:
Friendster is the devil. I will never join MySpace. Yet, I am addicted to facebook. It is the best thing that has ever happened to Marymount. Now I could take up a whole journal entry to explain the reasoning behind this, as well as to expound on many other thoughts about facebook, and if you're not careful I just might, but for the time being I will just share a few brief thoughts on the matter. Now I know I'm a little late in commenting on the facebook phenomenon. I know its like so last month's news. But it was either this or my analysis of "The Macarena" so be grateful. By now we all know the basic reasons why facebook is great. It is like having a yearbook, so we now know who people are. It makes us feel popular. We can start out own club without actually having to get a faculty sponsor. But why I like facebook and not any of those other online community things comes down to one simple fact: The Friendsters of the world are designed to get you to meet new people, whereas facebook is designed to get you to meet people you already know. No crazy stalkers. No people from high school tracking you down and finding out what you are up to unless you want them to. Plus when my mom said, "don't talk to strangers" I really took it to heart. I don't like new people. And I don't like old people either. I just like you. Now be my friend damn it.
2.) The homemade potato chips in the 4th and Main Cafe:
If someone told me they killed a man I would think they were a bad person. If they told me they killed that man because he tried to steal one of their homemade chips, I would not think they were a bad person anymore. I would understand. That sandwich dude may mumble incoherently, but as long as he hooks a brother up with some chips its all good and his life is secure. After all, the sandwich is only a mere appetizer you have to put up with to get to the chips. But once you get to them, all is right with the world.
3.) The Vanderbilt:
All the fun of 55th Street (what fun?) with twice the drinking (for those who are over 21 only of course). And four times the crazy foreign people yelling at you in the hallway. It's just like my childhood really. Plus, the only thing better than having a roommate is not having a roommate.
3 & 1/2.) The 8th Floor Space:
Well see it's this big open space where we used to have a pool. What's it used for you ask? Well nothing really. We just throw a bunch up beat up old crap in there and let the kids have fun. Plus now we have a scary face on one wall. And the other walls have paint from 1963. But other than that its just filled with a bunch of worthless crap. A big ugly room filled with worthless crap. Its ideas like this that make me proud to go to Marymount and make giving tours so much fun.
Top 3 & 1/2 Other 2004 Highlights Id Like to Mention But Don't Really Fit in a Category:
1.) America the Book- Jon Stewart and Company:
Like Ellen and Jerry Seinfeld it makes you laugh because it's so true. But instead of being about "nothing" its about politics, history and the nature of our society. So the edge, as always, goes to Jon Stewart. Seriously this man is God. He makes comedy that's as important as it is funny. A trick that has NEVER before been pulled off. But here is a comedian who can literally change the world. And I have proof to back that up: I saw the other day that Carlton Tucker was dismissed from CNN and that Crossfire is being taken off the air. That means that Jon Stewart is so cool, so respected and so powerful that with one single television appearance he single handedly got the biggest cable network in the world to cancel its signature show of the past 20 years and dismiss one of its most well known figures. Normally when you call someone a "dick" on live TV people criticize you. In Jon Stewart's case you get the head of the network you are criticizing to issue a statement that says, "I come down on the side of Mr. Stewart". Seriously, his Crossfire appearance was one of the best moments in TV history. And think: who else could pull a stunt off like that and not only come out unscathed but looking like a hero to literally everyone? If I've said it once I've said it five times. Jon Stewart is God. We're just lucky he lets us share this planet with him.
2.) Seth Cohen- the O.C.:
If I ruled the world, I'd free all my sons. And the character Seth Cohen would be considered the very definition of cool. Imagine that. And oh yeah...I don't actually watch the O.C. Someone just told me about it one time. Someone who was clearly a loser and needed to get a life.
3.) "Lean Back" by The Terror Squad:
First of all, I'd like to mention your name. It's "The Terror Squad". That is the name of your group. Just thought I should put that out there...Second of all: lemme get this straight, this dance consists entirely of leaning back? There are no other moves? That's the whole dance? You may have written one of the most annoying songs ever, but you have given me new hope! I might one day even enter a club. Although for your next song might I suggest "Stand There"? That would work even better for me.
3 & 1/2.) The Guinness TV commercials:
"Brilliant!"
Top 3 & 1/2 of the Week- Thoughts I've Had Recently Edition
1.) "My junior high fashion sense was inspired by gang members" is a sentence that really applies to far too many of us
2.) Is two turntables and a microphone really where its at?
3.) Maybe Bono was right all along. He really is the messiah.
3 & 1/2.) "This by far is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do, to tell you, the woman I love, that I'm having a baby by a woman that I barely even know"*
*Note: I didn't actually have this thought. Usher did. But same difference
Top 3 & 1/2 Movies of the Year
1.) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:
I'll try not to say too much about any of these movies because with all the awards show stuff coming up I'll have plenty of other times to go into more detailed opnions about the movies mentioned here. But for the time being I will say a few brief things: The only thing better than Charlie Kaufman is Charlie Kaufman with heart. And the only thing better than Charlie Kaufman with heart is Jim Carrey playing Charlie Kaufman with heart. And the only thing better than Jim Carrey playing Charlie Kaufman with heart is nothing. I really don't need to sell you on this point because it was your favorite movie of the year too. Moving on...
2.) Before Sunset:
Before Sunset on the other hand, you probably never saw. All I can say is go rent it NOW. Actually now is too late. Build a time machine and go back and time and rent it yesterday. Because any day spent without having seen this movie is a day that life is less fulfilling than it should be. Like most great movies, Before Sunset presents an idealized, fantasy version of life, yet one that is at the same time so real that you feel like you are watching real life on screen. And not just any life, but a life you know. Or a life you want to know. And not in a Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks way but in a way that is utterly real. This movie is why we go to movies. And how many movies could inspire that statement using only two people talking and walking around Paris for close to an hour and a half and nothing else? Only one. Before Sunset. It's the movie few people would have the balls to make. There is no real plot, nothing really happens and it ends with, well maybe the greatest ending to any movie ever, but yet one that wraps nothing up. Yet who needs any of that stuff when you have dialogue, characters, and a relationship this good? The most physically intimate the two characters ever get is a long hug but yet it's the most sexual, passionate, and unabashedly romantic non-Cameron Crowe movie I've seen in, maybe forever. And it does it all with words and with an innate connection between people. This is what love and life are all about. I could talk about it forever but just go see it already. It maybe the ultimate movie-as-life-as-movie and it is for sure THE romance for our times. You'll laugh, you'll think, you'll dream, you'll consider crying (pansy), and before you know it you'll have memorized every line. I just want to yell it from the rooftops: GO RENT THIS FUCKING MOVIE!
3.) Sideways:
I think the wine industry and Alexander Payne are in cahoots. I also think I just actually used the word "cahoots". Regardless, in 20 years from now as I lie in the gutter clutching my last bottle of Pinot Noir wondering what happened to my life I'll have this movie to blame. Apparently wanting to be in a constant state of drunkenness can lead to a touching romance and a great film of the highest artistic merit. Good. Just the sort of validation my life needed...
3 & 1/2.) Hero:
The most beautiful LOOKING movie of the year, and maybe ever. I honestly can't think of anything that's ever been more visually stunning. Yet due to the ridiculously archaic Academy rules regarding foreign films, it likely won't be able to be up for any Oscars of any kind. The other cinematographers of the world must be thrilled by that fact. Because the look of this film would not have been overlooked by voters. There would be no way. It's burned permanently into their brains. Thinking back, I couldn't tell you exactly what happened in this movie, but I could tell you exactly how whatever was happening looked. American filmmakers: watch and learn. As with many things, the Asians can teach you a thing or ten.
Top 3 & 1/2 Albums of the Year
1.) Green Day- American Idiot:
Remember when "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" was your senior class song and you thought "how the heck is this song by Green Day? Didn't they once release a video that consisted of them ripping the stuffing out of sofa cushions?" Well every song on this album makes "Good Riddance" seem like "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" in terms of quality and artistic merit. Sometimes my brain hurts it's so good. Its one of those albums where I'll always remember the first time I heard it. Greg Fusco put it on in the dressing room during Arcadia and we were all somewhat half listening, but more trying on tights and insulting each other in British accents. (And who said theater majors weren't cool?) Slowly it started capturing my attention until I stopped what I was doing and just sat there and listened. Every night after that I couldn't wait to get backstage and listen. During Game 3 of the Red Sox-Yankees series I even wanted to turn off the game to listen to the album. Music that makes we want to turn off baseball: That should say all you need to know. Two nine minute long multi-part "punk" songs. Blatant anti-Bush messages. Some semblance of a story and thru-line throughout the album. It's genius. It's gotten a lot of comparisons to the rock operas of The Who, but I think that slights Green Day somewhat. I mean a story about deaf, dumb and blind kid who plays a mean pinball vs. a story about the nature of our society. Hmm, it's a toss up...
In the end it's hard to believe that the album that best defines 2004 was written by a band that is most famous for an album called "Dookie". Then again maybe not...Regardless, even the Grammy voters agree: it's a classic album. And maybe the only one from 2004 that my grandkids will still be listening to.
2.) Brian Wilson- "SMiLE":
If I said, "hey check out this new album by the former lead singer of the Beach Boys that includes an ode to vegetables on it", you'd probably throw it in the trash. But if I said, "hey this is what Radiohead would have sounded like if they had been around in the 60's and were the chief artistic rival of Paul McCartney", then you would be interested. Well, guess what? I would be talking about the same album! Crazy, I know. If you don't believe me, then take it from my good friend Mr. Will Lacker who when discussing SMiLE said, (and I'm heavily paraphrasing) "That is some weird shit!" Okay settle down now and let me finish...For those that don't know the story, this was supposed to be the follow up to "Pet Sounds" 37 years ago but the other Beach Boys thought it was too weird, then the Beatles beat them to the punch with "Sgt. Pepper", then Brian Wilson went insane. He then had to spend the next few years in the looney bin, as they called it back then. (That and "the cuckoos nest" apparently.) Well now he's out and roaming the streets and finally releasing his "teenage symphony to God" 37 years later. When they say they don't make 'em like they used to, listen to this album and you'll see that "they" are right. You could never release a "teenage symphony to God" today. Or a love song about vegetables for that matter. The only teenage symphonies these days are "teenage symphonies to crap". (Damn, I'm clever...). SMiLE, despite its capitalization problems, was the best-reviewed album of the year, but still, it's a shame it couldn't have been released 37 years ago. Then it would now be a classic instead of a little heard oddity. At the time it would have seemed ahead of its time, and in retrospect I don't know if its time has, or will, ever come. It's an album that doesn't really have one great or memorable stand-alone song on it, but absolutely must be taken as a whole. But as a "whole album as artistic statement" it might be the best there is. And not to say it's better than "Sergeant Pepper", but it is a better "concept album", since, lets face it, Sgt. Pepper really has no concept. And it even has "Good Vibrations" to serve as its "Day in the Life"- a classic single that has nothing to do with the rest of the album yet closes it off perfectly. And it also contains songs about Plymouth Rock and, I can't possibly stress this strongly enough, a LOVE SONG ABOUT VEGTABLES! I'd like to hear someone today try and pull that off. But since I doubt anyone can I'm going to have to give Brian Wilson his props. The second best album of 1967 is now the second best album of 2004.
3.) Modest Mouse- Good News for People Who Love Bad News:
There are certain works of music that whenever you hear them they instantly take you back to a specific place and time. Like "Gangstas Paradise" by Coolio. Or "C is for Cookie" by Cookie Monster. Well this whole album will always undoubtedly remind me of this summer. And that's good news. And now that I actually own it myself I can relive summer whenever I want. As a side note: I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I can hear "Ocean Breathes Salty" now at a Hallmark store or not, but it certainly does give me some kind of hope for the future. Then I remember that the biggest hit of the year was by Usher and some guy named Lil' John who likes to carry around an oversized gold chalice out of which he drinks "Crunk Juice". And then I go sit in the corner and cry.
3 & 1/2.) Kanye West- College Dropout:
When I bought this album the girl checking me out at Best Buy started excitedly telling me how great and hilarious the skits on the album were. I was shocked. A cashier in New York City was actually talking to me. Even more shockingly, someone was actually excited about having a conversation with me. (She must not have known about the journal...) But the most shocking thing of all was that she was right. Not only did I not skip right past the skits, I actually listened to them multiple times! In fact once I even skipped past a song to hear a skit! And then of course the earth promptly stopped spinning on its axis. But its true, Kanye is the best thing to happen to rap skits since The Mad Rapper. Even more importantly than that, he's the best thing to happen to rap since at least mid-2003. I was going to put this album in this spot before I even heard it just based on "Jesus Walks" and "All Falls Down", but now that I've actually heard the album I can confidentially say it's the best non-Outkast or Eminem rap album of the millennium. All four years of it. Kanye is just that good. Not only did he pen the immortal line "The way Kathy Lee needed Regis/That's the way I need Jesus" but he also made me enjoy listening to a Brandy song. That's right; Brandy. Freaking MOESHA! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
(I actually have no idea what that saying means but it just sounds cool.)
(Word.)
Top 3 & 1/2 Best Things to Happen to Marymount This Year
1.) Thefacebook.com:
Friendster is the devil. I will never join MySpace. Yet, I am addicted to facebook. It is the best thing that has ever happened to Marymount. Now I could take up a whole journal entry to explain the reasoning behind this, as well as to expound on many other thoughts about facebook, and if you're not careful I just might, but for the time being I will just share a few brief thoughts on the matter. Now I know I'm a little late in commenting on the facebook phenomenon. I know its like so last month's news. But it was either this or my analysis of "The Macarena" so be grateful. By now we all know the basic reasons why facebook is great. It is like having a yearbook, so we now know who people are. It makes us feel popular. We can start out own club without actually having to get a faculty sponsor. But why I like facebook and not any of those other online community things comes down to one simple fact: The Friendsters of the world are designed to get you to meet new people, whereas facebook is designed to get you to meet people you already know. No crazy stalkers. No people from high school tracking you down and finding out what you are up to unless you want them to. Plus when my mom said, "don't talk to strangers" I really took it to heart. I don't like new people. And I don't like old people either. I just like you. Now be my friend damn it.
2.) The homemade potato chips in the 4th and Main Cafe:
If someone told me they killed a man I would think they were a bad person. If they told me they killed that man because he tried to steal one of their homemade chips, I would not think they were a bad person anymore. I would understand. That sandwich dude may mumble incoherently, but as long as he hooks a brother up with some chips its all good and his life is secure. After all, the sandwich is only a mere appetizer you have to put up with to get to the chips. But once you get to them, all is right with the world.
3.) The Vanderbilt:
All the fun of 55th Street (what fun?) with twice the drinking (for those who are over 21 only of course). And four times the crazy foreign people yelling at you in the hallway. It's just like my childhood really. Plus, the only thing better than having a roommate is not having a roommate.
3 & 1/2.) The 8th Floor Space:
Well see it's this big open space where we used to have a pool. What's it used for you ask? Well nothing really. We just throw a bunch up beat up old crap in there and let the kids have fun. Plus now we have a scary face on one wall. And the other walls have paint from 1963. But other than that its just filled with a bunch of worthless crap. A big ugly room filled with worthless crap. Its ideas like this that make me proud to go to Marymount and make giving tours so much fun.
Top 3 & 1/2 Other 2004 Highlights Id Like to Mention But Don't Really Fit in a Category:
1.) America the Book- Jon Stewart and Company:
Like Ellen and Jerry Seinfeld it makes you laugh because it's so true. But instead of being about "nothing" its about politics, history and the nature of our society. So the edge, as always, goes to Jon Stewart. Seriously this man is God. He makes comedy that's as important as it is funny. A trick that has NEVER before been pulled off. But here is a comedian who can literally change the world. And I have proof to back that up: I saw the other day that Carlton Tucker was dismissed from CNN and that Crossfire is being taken off the air. That means that Jon Stewart is so cool, so respected and so powerful that with one single television appearance he single handedly got the biggest cable network in the world to cancel its signature show of the past 20 years and dismiss one of its most well known figures. Normally when you call someone a "dick" on live TV people criticize you. In Jon Stewart's case you get the head of the network you are criticizing to issue a statement that says, "I come down on the side of Mr. Stewart". Seriously, his Crossfire appearance was one of the best moments in TV history. And think: who else could pull a stunt off like that and not only come out unscathed but looking like a hero to literally everyone? If I've said it once I've said it five times. Jon Stewart is God. We're just lucky he lets us share this planet with him.
2.) Seth Cohen- the O.C.:
If I ruled the world, I'd free all my sons. And the character Seth Cohen would be considered the very definition of cool. Imagine that. And oh yeah...I don't actually watch the O.C. Someone just told me about it one time. Someone who was clearly a loser and needed to get a life.
3.) "Lean Back" by The Terror Squad:
First of all, I'd like to mention your name. It's "The Terror Squad". That is the name of your group. Just thought I should put that out there...Second of all: lemme get this straight, this dance consists entirely of leaning back? There are no other moves? That's the whole dance? You may have written one of the most annoying songs ever, but you have given me new hope! I might one day even enter a club. Although for your next song might I suggest "Stand There"? That would work even better for me.
3 & 1/2.) The Guinness TV commercials:
"Brilliant!"
Top 3 & 1/2 of the Week- Thoughts I've Had Recently Edition
1.) "My junior high fashion sense was inspired by gang members" is a sentence that really applies to far too many of us
2.) Is two turntables and a microphone really where its at?
3.) Maybe Bono was right all along. He really is the messiah.
3 & 1/2.) "This by far is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do, to tell you, the woman I love, that I'm having a baby by a woman that I barely even know"*
*Note: I didn't actually have this thought. Usher did. But same difference
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Marymount Musings
And now for something more light and frivolous like you’ve come to expect from yours truly…
(Warning: As if the title didn’t give it away, this entry is not intended for anyone who does not attend Marymount Manhattan College. So if your IQ is over 90 or you like hunting, fishing, or math you should find your reading material from other sources. Perhaps James Joyce.)
As a tour guide I consider myself an expert on all things Marymount, and also much cooler than you. So while we all have thoughts on the place we call school, mine are better than yours. Because I write mine down and post them on the internet…And at Marymount, doing that something like that is considered cool…
(I have come to the realization that I use ellipses far too often. If only there was something else I could use that would have the same effect…)
Most Common Phrases Overheard at Marymount:
1.) “Richard Niles”
2.) “I cant talk right now, I have coke up my nose”
3.) (Usually said by a girl to a straight male) “There are NO straight guys at this school! None. Anywhere. Not One. If only there was just one single straight guy at this whole godforsaken school I would be, like, so all over that. But there’s not. Life sucks. I’m going home to shoot myself now…”
3 & 1/2.) “Wow this Java City coffee is so good. And such friendly service too!”
Best Men’s Bathrooms:
1.) 3rd Floor Main - Convenient yet largely unknown so you always have it to yourself. Plus there’s a water fountain right outside. Plus it’s close to the cafeteria so it makes purging after lunch convenient.
2.) 2nd Floor of the Library - Way out of the way, but the all-stall set up is kinda cool as you can avoid those awkward “I’m standing next to my professor peeing I should say something to them but don’t know what to talk about plus I’m only gonna be here a few seconds” moments.
3.) 5th Floor Main – The large size and privacy of the rooms are nice but the line is always a mile long and the cleaning lady inevitably always has to start cleaning it the moment you start your business, whatever business that might be. Which then raises the question of, since it is cleaned like 20 times a day, how come there are never any paper towels in the dispensers?
3 & 1/2.) 4th floor Nugent- I swear I saw this bathroom in my high school
*So some people might have noticed in past years that we had a fallout shelter in the basement in past years. This summer it magically one day disappeared, or at least the sign did. So my question is, what genius decided that this finally was the appropriate time to get rid of the fallout shelter?
*So luckily Ill be long gone, but when Jason Koth leaves the Student Services Center, we’re all screwed aren’t we?
*I think I speak for everyone when I say, “that 8th floor sure is stylish”.
Top 3 & ½ Things You Can Do That Will Earn You a Nasty Look From Me:
1.) Talk on your cell phone in the library
2.) Use the elevator to travel less than 3 floors
3.) Be a freshman
3 & ½.) Commit genocide
Most Common Shows playing on the TV in the Nuge:
1.) Judge Joe Brown
2.) Judge Judy
3.) Judge Hatchett
3 & ½.) The Parkers
*One time this summer there was a sign up in the basement that said “Nugent this way” with an arrow pointing people the way to the Nugent building. Someone wrote “Ted” above the “Nugent” so the sign for a few days read “Ted Nugent this way”. It was funny. I laughed every time I saw it. I guess you had to be there…
*I like how we claim to be so diverse and yet has anyone seen the new color scheme of the 4th floor of the Nugent? On a related note: they really need to hand out sunglasses when the elevators doors open on that floor. Its just a little overwhelming is all.
(Warning: As if the title didn’t give it away, this entry is not intended for anyone who does not attend Marymount Manhattan College. So if your IQ is over 90 or you like hunting, fishing, or math you should find your reading material from other sources. Perhaps James Joyce.)
As a tour guide I consider myself an expert on all things Marymount, and also much cooler than you. So while we all have thoughts on the place we call school, mine are better than yours. Because I write mine down and post them on the internet…And at Marymount, doing that something like that is considered cool…
(I have come to the realization that I use ellipses far too often. If only there was something else I could use that would have the same effect…)
Most Common Phrases Overheard at Marymount:
1.) “Richard Niles”
2.) “I cant talk right now, I have coke up my nose”
3.) (Usually said by a girl to a straight male) “There are NO straight guys at this school! None. Anywhere. Not One. If only there was just one single straight guy at this whole godforsaken school I would be, like, so all over that. But there’s not. Life sucks. I’m going home to shoot myself now…”
3 & 1/2.) “Wow this Java City coffee is so good. And such friendly service too!”
Best Men’s Bathrooms:
1.) 3rd Floor Main - Convenient yet largely unknown so you always have it to yourself. Plus there’s a water fountain right outside. Plus it’s close to the cafeteria so it makes purging after lunch convenient.
2.) 2nd Floor of the Library - Way out of the way, but the all-stall set up is kinda cool as you can avoid those awkward “I’m standing next to my professor peeing I should say something to them but don’t know what to talk about plus I’m only gonna be here a few seconds” moments.
3.) 5th Floor Main – The large size and privacy of the rooms are nice but the line is always a mile long and the cleaning lady inevitably always has to start cleaning it the moment you start your business, whatever business that might be. Which then raises the question of, since it is cleaned like 20 times a day, how come there are never any paper towels in the dispensers?
3 & 1/2.) 4th floor Nugent- I swear I saw this bathroom in my high school
*So some people might have noticed in past years that we had a fallout shelter in the basement in past years. This summer it magically one day disappeared, or at least the sign did. So my question is, what genius decided that this finally was the appropriate time to get rid of the fallout shelter?
*So luckily Ill be long gone, but when Jason Koth leaves the Student Services Center, we’re all screwed aren’t we?
*I think I speak for everyone when I say, “that 8th floor sure is stylish”.
Top 3 & ½ Things You Can Do That Will Earn You a Nasty Look From Me:
1.) Talk on your cell phone in the library
2.) Use the elevator to travel less than 3 floors
3.) Be a freshman
3 & ½.) Commit genocide
Most Common Shows playing on the TV in the Nuge:
1.) Judge Joe Brown
2.) Judge Judy
3.) Judge Hatchett
3 & ½.) The Parkers
*One time this summer there was a sign up in the basement that said “Nugent this way” with an arrow pointing people the way to the Nugent building. Someone wrote “Ted” above the “Nugent” so the sign for a few days read “Ted Nugent this way”. It was funny. I laughed every time I saw it. I guess you had to be there…
*I like how we claim to be so diverse and yet has anyone seen the new color scheme of the 4th floor of the Nugent? On a related note: they really need to hand out sunglasses when the elevators doors open on that floor. Its just a little overwhelming is all.
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