There’s nothing quite as good as being an Oscar winner, but being an Oscar nominee comes close. If you never wind up winning an Oscar then at least you will get to be advertised as Oscar Nominee (Your Name Here) in all upcoming movie trailers and in your obituary. Plus you get to join such illustrious company as Queen Latifah, Rosie Perez, Eric Roberts, and Maria Ouspenskaya. You can overnight go from crappy/unknown actor to crappy/unknown actor with an Oscar nomination. It’s amazing really. Plus I hear the nominee luncheon is pretty bitchin’. And now we have a whole new crop of people who can add the illustrious title of Oscar Nominee to the front of their name and enjoy some pretty awesome free food. Good for them.
Before I share my thoughts though, I must first address one of my pet peeves. You can’t really be upset about someone not getting nominated if they were never even being considered. For example, I’m sure everyone will bitch about the omission of Eternal Sunshine but the old codgers that do the nominating were NEVER going to nominate it. It never had a prayer and everyone who knew anything knew this coming into today. So therefore it should be neither shocking nor outraging. If you want to be angry about Paul Giamatti that’s one thing, but being angry about Mark Wahlberg in I Heart Huckabees is uncouth and just makes you look stupid no matter how much in an ideal world he should have been nominated. But this isn’t an ideal world. It’s not run by me. It’s run by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. So deal with it. And now, without further adieu I present my thoughts on this year’s nominees, which considering what was being considered, are actually pretty good.
*Memo to the national news media: For the last time, Passion of the Christ AKA “Mel” and Fahrenheit 9/11 AKA “Moore” didn’t get “snubbed”, they just didn’t get nominated. In order for it to be a “snub” it have to have been considered in the first place, and no one this side of Idiotville ever thought either had a snowball’s chance in hell of getting anywhere near Oscar. Just because they were the highest profile movies of the year doesn’t mean they were ever being considered for Best Picture. I don’t remember anyone back in the day talking about how Armageddon or Men in Black got “snubbed”. They just didn’t get nominated. And the only reason Fahrenheit isn’t up for Best Documentary is because Michael Moore DIDN’T SUBMIT IT. It can’t be a “snub” if the director didn’t even bother to fill out the requisite paperwork. But then again I guess asking people to actually do a little research and have all the information before getting mad and crying “snub” would be too much to ask….
Okay I’m done.
For now.
*The Queen Latifah Memorial Worst Acting Nominee Award:
Natalie Portman for Best Supporting Actress- I know that any award that both Anna Paquin and Whoopi Goldberg have won isn’t like an actual valid award, but still, Natalie Portman in Closer? Really? Come on now, be honest, don’t you halfway suspect she didn’t actually memorize her lines for that movie and was merely reading them off large off-camera index cards? I mean that’s what it sure sounded like. Sure yes, she played a stripper and all, and yes, Natalie Portman playing a stripper does deserve some kind of award, but not an Oscar. A Blockbuster Entertainment Award maybe. Ah what the hell, the Oscars nominated Kathy Bates one year just for getting naked so why does it matter. And its not like her nomination really hurt anyone major. As they always say, “its all fun and games until someone gets snubbed”…
*…Alan Alda on the other hand…Okay maybe I was picking popcorn kernels out of my clothes and missed it, but he was even IN The Aviator? This was news to me. What isn’t news to me though is that Freddie Highmore from Finding Neverland WAS FREAKING AWESOME! I mean in past years Anna Paquin and Tatum O’Neal WON and this kid cant even get invited to the show? Explain. I mean Freddie was the man. Or I guess in this case, the boy. But whatever. I don’t think I would be exaggerating if I said it was the best performance by a child actor ever. I mean who has been better? And don’t gimme this Haley Joel Osmond stuff or I’ll hit you so hard so that he’ll be the only one who can see you if you know what I mean. Freddie is probably home crying right now and he’s probably doing a better job of it than anyone else could have done. Even that cry baby Imelda Staunton. (Inside joke there for the five people who saw Vera Drake…). Anyway I hope you nominator people are happy with yourselves. Maybe if Alan Alda dies before the ceremony Freddie can go in his place. I’ll have to get on that.
*Speaking of death: Clint Eastwood. For Best Actor? I think some people might have gotten a little carried away with their love for Million Dollar Baby. Eastwood cried. Great, give him a cookie. Not an Oscar. Although I can see how you might confuse the two. Of course what was not confusing was that Paul Giamatti was brilliant. And if he can’t get a nomination for Sideways then he never will. He should start a “The Academy Officially Hates Us” club with Jim Carrey and Steve Martin. Paul Giamatti not getting nominated for Best Actor is what we call a “snub”, boys and girls. And while we are talking about people beating out Paul Giamatti, may we also mention Don Cheadle and his ever-raising eyebrows? Seriously dude, get a sedative for those suckers. They make Jack Nicholson’s eyebrows seem immobile and underused by comparison. Might I also mention Johnny Depp, who in Finding Neverland takes understatement to whole new level? He was so understated in fact, that he made no statement at all. But I guess the black guy and the hot rebel white guy beat out the nerdy ugly guy and the Hispanic guy in the foreign language film (Javier Bardem) every time, so whatcha gonna do?
*That last entry was a little too similar structurally to the previous one. I apologize for that. It won’t happen again.
*In a development absolutely no one cares about besides me, how did Collateral not get nominated for best Cinematography? How the hell did this happen? And yes I am actually seriously upset about this. You should just feel lucky I restrained from making any Gordon Willis references. Okay I need a life…
*I really don’t know what to say about the Best Foreign Language Nominating process without using over 5,000 words, and since no one wants to read that much lemme just say this: Any year that produces The Sea Inside, A Very Long Engagement, Bad Education, Motorcycle Diaries, Maria Full of Grace and, to a much lesser degree, House of Flying Daggers, and winds up with its Foreign Film nominees including only ONE of those and then four films no one has heard of (well expect for that French Mr. Holland’s Opus knockoff) is a year that needs to be the impetus for the long overdue overhaul of the Foreign Film committee. But since the documentary committee only started to show signs of life about 15 years after the fact, suffice it to say I’m not holding out hope…
*The Chocolat Memorial Worst Best Picture Nominee Award
Ray- Jamie Foxx is great in it. It is thoroughly entertaining. It has so much universal appeal that even my Dad liked it. But it looks like it was edited by someone who simply read “Editing for Dummys” and then started splicing film together. And the ending was so clearly tacked on and unnecessary it screamed out “test screening mandated”. And the direction was pedestrian at best. And the whole thing seemed rather bland. And even my Dad liked it.
(Also: Is it a coincidence that its director, Best Director Nominee Taylor Hackford, has the word “Hack” in his name? I think not…)
*So Mick Jagger WINS the Golden Globe for best song and then doesn’t even get NOMINATED for an Oscar? Huh? Well I guess since not a single song from A Hard Day’s Night or Saturday Night Fever got nominated that’s about par for the course.
*Just as a public service announcement I think I should say that in case you haven’t seen Million Dollar Baby or are an idiot and waked out at some point in the first hour, it is not actually a boxing movie. Or a sports movie for that matter. Or about a wise black man helping people. Or anything that is even vaguely alluded to in the trailer. To find out what it IS about you have to, and I know this will sound crazy, WATCH THE WHOLE THING. Crazy concept…
*Since Tupac:Resurrection got nominated for Best Documentary I think the biggest suspense of Oscar night will be: what will Tupac be wearing? I only hope it wins because I bet his acceptance speech will be awesome!
*Well, other than the above-mentioned stuff I think the nominations were pretty much exactly what everyone predicted and a pretty good lot, considering that this is the worst year for Oscar worthy movies since 1996. So Ill be back soon with my Oscar Predictions and more banal rambling annoyances. Be there.
Top 3 & 1/2 of the Week:
1.) Europe
2.) Rilo Kiley- "Portions for Foxes"
3.) "Will in the World" by Stephen Greenblatt
3 & 1/2.) Snow
Showing posts with label Natalie Portman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Natalie Portman. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Monday, January 17, 2005
Golden Globes '05
So in interest of full disclosure I don’t have all that much of a rooting interest in this year’s round of movie awards. Usually I get very passionate about them but I know that this year its going to ultimately come down to Aviator vs. Million Dollar Baby, two movies I both liked alright, but neither that I care that much about one way or the other. I do have some favorites in the other categories but I’ll get into that more come Oscar time. First up though, is round one: The Golden Globes. It’s almost as fun as the Oscar except for the fact it doesn’t have a host or a montage of dead people. And less non-actors giving awkward speeches. And no short film nominees. Well actually, it doesn’t compare at all. But still, it’s famous people drinking heavily and then getting awards on live TV so it does have its appeal. And to share in the appeal with me this year were Carlyn, and via phone, one Ms. Maddox. And below are my…okay, okay, OUR…thoughts.
- “William Shatner”
- What is that thing on the back of Jamie Foxx’s head? A hideous looking tattoo? Get that thing off before the Oscars my man. And speaking of tattoos, Virginia Madsen, I love you dear, but that little arm tattoo makes you look like a two-bit prostitute. Now that you are a serious Oscar nominated actress you might want to get some laser work done. And yes I just used the pharse "two-bit prostitute".
- So as I was watching Natalie’s acceptance speech I thought, “That is what a Harvard education gets you?” I think I’ve heard more articulate usage of language in the Center for Student Services. Plus, why the heck did she win?!? Has there ever been a less deserving winner? Well okay Madonna did win Best Actress once, but that question was intended to be rhetorical. All I can figure in this case was that the male voters thought maybe if they gave her an award she would have sex with them. And that she would call them daddy. Cause that seems to be her thing. Natalie we all expected better from you…
(PS- Please no one give Natalie the link to this thing. She might break up with me over that last entry…)
-“William Shatner”
-Javier Bardem looks like Harry Conick Jr. if Harry Conick Jr. looked like Tony Danza.
-It has to be said so Ill be the one to say it. Hillary Swank looks like a horse. There I said it. Now I’m going to straight to hell. I don’t even get to pass Go and collect my $200.
-Now that I’m already damned to hell and I’ve got nothing left to lose I might as well say this too: No wonder the Desperate Housewives are so desperate; if I looked like them Id be pretty desperate too. Especially if I was the scary looking one.
-Speaking of Desperate Housewives: Terri Hatcher now has an award! And it’s not even a Blockbuster Entertainment Award! It’s like a valid award! It was gold and everything! Wow, I didn’t even know Radio Shack made trophies like that. The best part about her winning though had to be this line from her speech:
“You wrote me such a great part where I get to be locked out of my house naked”
I think Meryl Streep once said that exact sentence…
-“William Shatner”
- I think I speak for us all when I say: Clint Eastwood has a 16 year old daughter?!?!?
-The Golden Globes were brought to you by Diet Dr. Pepper, which, apparently, “tastes more like regular Dr. Pepper”. This has to be one of the biggest myths currently being perpetrated on the American public. In no way does Diet Dr. Pepper taste anything like regular Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper tastes like a good soft drink. DIET Dr. Pepper tastes like Satan pissed in a cup and then made you drink it. There is a difference between the two.
-It’s awards season so you know what that means: the return of the mysterious unnamed fat guy who always sits next to Renee Zellweger. Seriously, who is that guy?
-My new rules for acceptance speeches: If you win an award for a comedic performance or are known to be a funny person then you have to be funny in your speech. Or at least make the attempt. If not, you have to cry. There are no other options. Under no circumstances shall you read and/or recite a list of names. Also, if you are presenting an award, you must wear an eye patch. This is non-negotiable.
-Someone from one of the Law and Orders won an acting award? Is that allowed?
-“William Shatner”
-While discussing Angelica Huston:
Carlyn: “She has an ugly dress on.”
Me: “She has an ugly face on.”
-More Carlyn:
(While looking at Robert Redford): “He’s melting”
-Even more Carlyn:
“Ian McShane (the scary guy from Deadwood) looks like Al Pacino ate him and then regurgitated him”
-Last one I swear:
Jamie Foxx thanking Taylor Hackford: “He’s my best director”
Carlyn: “Wow, he beat out Keenen Ivory Wayans”
And without further ado…
Top 3 & 1/2 Moments of the Golden Globes-
1a.) Jamie Foxx’s speech: Now THAT is how it’s done. The PERFECT speech. Humorous, genuine, heartfelt, excited, commanding, and even some tears at the end. Absolutely perfect. Now why can’t all acceptance speeches be like that? Come folks, all of you are actors, I know you can do it. Yes, I’m talking about you Annette Bening.
1b.) When Jamie Foxx won and they showed the reaction of every black person in the audience. Even Prince. And he’s not really even black. Speaking of which, remember that time Halle Berry won an Oscar? How the fuck did THAT ever happen?
2.) Meryl Streep’s annual drunken Golden Globes appearance! I honestly wait all year for it, and she never disappoints. While nothing will ever top last year, this year was great fun too. Seriously, I don’t know if I can express in words how much joy drunken Meryl Streep brings into my life. Too much.
3.) Robin Williams’ speech: They should actually just do a show where Robin Williams just talks for 3 hours straight. No other awards, just Robin Williams talking. Wait, they did? It's called Good Morning Vietnam? It’s called his HBO stand up specials? And his Inside the Actors Studio appearance? Wow, I’ll have to get my hands on those. My only quibble (and its not his fault): in his clip retrospective they mention Patch Adams and Popeye and not Awakenings? WTF mate?
3 & 1/2.) Usher and Lisa Marie Presley: At first when I saw Usher in attendance I thought maybe he was there because they were going to honor his work in She’s All That several years after the fact. Maybe they just now got around to watching the DVD and wanted to give him a special award even though it’s a few years too late. But then he came out on stage with Lisa Marie and I saw sadly that was not the case. No, he was there to make Lisa Marie seem personable and lively by comparison. But then again my Grandma could do that. And she’s dead.
4.) And oh yeah: “William Shatner”
- “William Shatner”
- What is that thing on the back of Jamie Foxx’s head? A hideous looking tattoo? Get that thing off before the Oscars my man. And speaking of tattoos, Virginia Madsen, I love you dear, but that little arm tattoo makes you look like a two-bit prostitute. Now that you are a serious Oscar nominated actress you might want to get some laser work done. And yes I just used the pharse "two-bit prostitute".
- So as I was watching Natalie’s acceptance speech I thought, “That is what a Harvard education gets you?” I think I’ve heard more articulate usage of language in the Center for Student Services. Plus, why the heck did she win?!? Has there ever been a less deserving winner? Well okay Madonna did win Best Actress once, but that question was intended to be rhetorical. All I can figure in this case was that the male voters thought maybe if they gave her an award she would have sex with them. And that she would call them daddy. Cause that seems to be her thing. Natalie we all expected better from you…
(PS- Please no one give Natalie the link to this thing. She might break up with me over that last entry…)
-“William Shatner”
-Javier Bardem looks like Harry Conick Jr. if Harry Conick Jr. looked like Tony Danza.
-It has to be said so Ill be the one to say it. Hillary Swank looks like a horse. There I said it. Now I’m going to straight to hell. I don’t even get to pass Go and collect my $200.
-Now that I’m already damned to hell and I’ve got nothing left to lose I might as well say this too: No wonder the Desperate Housewives are so desperate; if I looked like them Id be pretty desperate too. Especially if I was the scary looking one.
-Speaking of Desperate Housewives: Terri Hatcher now has an award! And it’s not even a Blockbuster Entertainment Award! It’s like a valid award! It was gold and everything! Wow, I didn’t even know Radio Shack made trophies like that. The best part about her winning though had to be this line from her speech:
“You wrote me such a great part where I get to be locked out of my house naked”
I think Meryl Streep once said that exact sentence…
-“William Shatner”
- I think I speak for us all when I say: Clint Eastwood has a 16 year old daughter?!?!?
-The Golden Globes were brought to you by Diet Dr. Pepper, which, apparently, “tastes more like regular Dr. Pepper”. This has to be one of the biggest myths currently being perpetrated on the American public. In no way does Diet Dr. Pepper taste anything like regular Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper tastes like a good soft drink. DIET Dr. Pepper tastes like Satan pissed in a cup and then made you drink it. There is a difference between the two.
-It’s awards season so you know what that means: the return of the mysterious unnamed fat guy who always sits next to Renee Zellweger. Seriously, who is that guy?
-My new rules for acceptance speeches: If you win an award for a comedic performance or are known to be a funny person then you have to be funny in your speech. Or at least make the attempt. If not, you have to cry. There are no other options. Under no circumstances shall you read and/or recite a list of names. Also, if you are presenting an award, you must wear an eye patch. This is non-negotiable.
-Someone from one of the Law and Orders won an acting award? Is that allowed?
-“William Shatner”
-While discussing Angelica Huston:
Carlyn: “She has an ugly dress on.”
Me: “She has an ugly face on.”
-More Carlyn:
(While looking at Robert Redford): “He’s melting”
-Even more Carlyn:
“Ian McShane (the scary guy from Deadwood) looks like Al Pacino ate him and then regurgitated him”
-Last one I swear:
Jamie Foxx thanking Taylor Hackford: “He’s my best director”
Carlyn: “Wow, he beat out Keenen Ivory Wayans”
And without further ado…
Top 3 & 1/2 Moments of the Golden Globes-
1a.) Jamie Foxx’s speech: Now THAT is how it’s done. The PERFECT speech. Humorous, genuine, heartfelt, excited, commanding, and even some tears at the end. Absolutely perfect. Now why can’t all acceptance speeches be like that? Come folks, all of you are actors, I know you can do it. Yes, I’m talking about you Annette Bening.
1b.) When Jamie Foxx won and they showed the reaction of every black person in the audience. Even Prince. And he’s not really even black. Speaking of which, remember that time Halle Berry won an Oscar? How the fuck did THAT ever happen?
2.) Meryl Streep’s annual drunken Golden Globes appearance! I honestly wait all year for it, and she never disappoints. While nothing will ever top last year, this year was great fun too. Seriously, I don’t know if I can express in words how much joy drunken Meryl Streep brings into my life. Too much.
3.) Robin Williams’ speech: They should actually just do a show where Robin Williams just talks for 3 hours straight. No other awards, just Robin Williams talking. Wait, they did? It's called Good Morning Vietnam? It’s called his HBO stand up specials? And his Inside the Actors Studio appearance? Wow, I’ll have to get my hands on those. My only quibble (and its not his fault): in his clip retrospective they mention Patch Adams and Popeye and not Awakenings? WTF mate?
3 & 1/2.) Usher and Lisa Marie Presley: At first when I saw Usher in attendance I thought maybe he was there because they were going to honor his work in She’s All That several years after the fact. Maybe they just now got around to watching the DVD and wanted to give him a special award even though it’s a few years too late. But then he came out on stage with Lisa Marie and I saw sadly that was not the case. No, he was there to make Lisa Marie seem personable and lively by comparison. But then again my Grandma could do that. And she’s dead.
4.) And oh yeah: “William Shatner”
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Talkin Bout My Generation
One thing I’ve learned about marketing is that it’s never wrong. So when all the ads and posters for Garden State say that it is “the movie of our generation” and “The Graduate for the 2000’s” I have to believe that they are right. So with that in mind, I now realize that I need to maybe reassess what I thought I knew about “my generation”. I thought I had a pretty good handle on who “we” are, but after seeing the film I’m not so sure. Using only the movie, and specifically Zach Braff’s character as he is supposed to represent “us” (I think), as my reference material, here is what I have been able glean about “our generation”:
*We think Natalie Portman is hot.
Well, duh. My enjoyment of the movie was actually hampered by the fact that about halfway through, the thought occurred to me, “I wonder if Zach Braff created this movie as nothing more than elaborate excuse to make out with Natalie Portman”. As soon as that thought came into my head I just couldn’t shake it and the longer the movie went on the more and more I started to think that I might actually be right. If you think I’m crazy because of the fact that I was actually legitimately considering this, then consider the fact that as I was walking out of the theater I overheard two different guys engaged in two completely different conversations proposing the exact same theory. Also consider the fact that you are clearly not a straight male.
(On a related note, one of the previews was for Closer in which, if I saw it correctly, Natalie Portman plays a stripper. Yes that’s right, a stripper. I know the movie doesn’t come out until Friday December 3rd and all, but I think I can already pretty safely say- “Best. Movie. Ever.”)
*We are overly and unnecessarily medicated, unfeeling zombies.
Yes.
*We have to try really, really hard to be “different” and “eccentric”.
This was my main problem with the movie.
(And for those of you wondering, my overall review of the flick is that it was good but disappointing. Not disappointing on a Road to Perdition level but disappointing enough I don’t know if I would run out to see it again. But nevertheless you should go see it because it is still pretty good.)
All the "kookiness" and "eccentricity" seemed so forced and inorganic, like they sat around in a room and made of list of things that would make the movie seem “quirky” and then just inserted them into the film haphazardly. Sadly, this is pretty indicative of our generation. Think about the great lengths many of us go to seem “different” and “interesting”. It even seems like we have now come to embrace this great expenditure of effort as though it were true organic quirkiness. For proof of this look further then the outpouring of love for Napoleon Dynamite. (By the way, Napoleon Dynamite, Wes Anderson called and he wants his movie back…)
*We like the Shins.
Now this I was unaware of. And I’m none too happy to hear about it. I always used to hate those people who would be pretentious about their favorite bands and view anyone who hadn’t listened to them since their very first underground LP or whatever as not being true fans. My thinking use to be, "If you really like a group wouldn’t you want them to be universally loved and popular?" I mean I still hold out hope that Third Eye Blind will become huge again. But now older and wiser I hate to say it, but I understand. I’ve already come to grips with the fact that most people think Outkast just appeared out of nowhere sometime around “Ms. Jackson” (seriously people, "ATLiens" is by far the best thing they’ve ever done…), and I am able to restrain myself from saying “I listened to Maroon 5 two Decembers ago” by remembering that I always said that they would be huge radio stars if there was any justice in the world. But now I don’t know how I’m going to deal with THIS. I’ve always felt very possessive towards the Shins. They are “that band” for me. The band you don’t want anyone else to know about. Your little secret. "Oh, Inverted World" was the soundtrack of my freshman year, a time when I never once heard another living soul mention the name the Shins. So while it was cool beyond words to see Zach Braff riding down the street on the big screen to the sounds of “Caring is Creepy” it was also disconcerting. Because now the secret is out (as if it wasn’t already…). Now they are apparently the band of our generation.
*We like to reference. And pay homage to. And show you that we know about things. And generally be unoriginal.
Zach Braff plays a quiet, lost, short, dark haired, guy who has just returned home after being away for a while. He feels disconnected from the world around him. He is young and unexperienced. (his name is Andrew Largeman. Largeman, get it? What, Andrew Emotionallyunderdevelopedmanchild was taken?) Starting to sound familiar? Here need some help? Simon and Garfunkle underscore the key moment of the main character’s development. Get it now don’t you? Isn’t that clever. It’s like The Graduate only it’s a completely different movie and there’s no older lady. But still wasn’t that clever how they slyly evoke an older classic film with similar themes so that you the audience can sit there and think “hey I get the subtle homage to The Graduate they’ve got going here. Aren’t I smart and knowledgeable! I GET it!” Putting aside completely that The Graduate has maybe the best ending in the history of film and Gardens State’s ending, well, not to give it away, but, not so great, the two films are still worlds apart. But our generation likes to see things that we already know. Recycling is the new originality (See also: thrift stores, nostalgia, etc.). And while Garden State doesn’t pander and make us feel dumb, it tries to make us feel smart for no other reason then it wants us to feel smart, and isn’t that after all just pandering by a different name?
*Our parents are either dead, drug addicts, or played by hobbits.
This was news to me.
So there you have it: our generation as shown by Garden State. And Garden State’s portrayal is a completely accurate one. I know this because the marketing told me so. And I’m inclined to believe that the image they crafted for this film is a truthful one, and I will go with that inclination. Even though there is a small part of me that thinks image is nothing and I should just obey my thirst.
*We think Natalie Portman is hot.
Well, duh. My enjoyment of the movie was actually hampered by the fact that about halfway through, the thought occurred to me, “I wonder if Zach Braff created this movie as nothing more than elaborate excuse to make out with Natalie Portman”. As soon as that thought came into my head I just couldn’t shake it and the longer the movie went on the more and more I started to think that I might actually be right. If you think I’m crazy because of the fact that I was actually legitimately considering this, then consider the fact that as I was walking out of the theater I overheard two different guys engaged in two completely different conversations proposing the exact same theory. Also consider the fact that you are clearly not a straight male.
(On a related note, one of the previews was for Closer in which, if I saw it correctly, Natalie Portman plays a stripper. Yes that’s right, a stripper. I know the movie doesn’t come out until Friday December 3rd and all, but I think I can already pretty safely say- “Best. Movie. Ever.”)
*We are overly and unnecessarily medicated, unfeeling zombies.
Yes.
*We have to try really, really hard to be “different” and “eccentric”.
This was my main problem with the movie.
(And for those of you wondering, my overall review of the flick is that it was good but disappointing. Not disappointing on a Road to Perdition level but disappointing enough I don’t know if I would run out to see it again. But nevertheless you should go see it because it is still pretty good.)
All the "kookiness" and "eccentricity" seemed so forced and inorganic, like they sat around in a room and made of list of things that would make the movie seem “quirky” and then just inserted them into the film haphazardly. Sadly, this is pretty indicative of our generation. Think about the great lengths many of us go to seem “different” and “interesting”. It even seems like we have now come to embrace this great expenditure of effort as though it were true organic quirkiness. For proof of this look further then the outpouring of love for Napoleon Dynamite. (By the way, Napoleon Dynamite, Wes Anderson called and he wants his movie back…)
*We like the Shins.
Now this I was unaware of. And I’m none too happy to hear about it. I always used to hate those people who would be pretentious about their favorite bands and view anyone who hadn’t listened to them since their very first underground LP or whatever as not being true fans. My thinking use to be, "If you really like a group wouldn’t you want them to be universally loved and popular?" I mean I still hold out hope that Third Eye Blind will become huge again. But now older and wiser I hate to say it, but I understand. I’ve already come to grips with the fact that most people think Outkast just appeared out of nowhere sometime around “Ms. Jackson” (seriously people, "ATLiens" is by far the best thing they’ve ever done…), and I am able to restrain myself from saying “I listened to Maroon 5 two Decembers ago” by remembering that I always said that they would be huge radio stars if there was any justice in the world. But now I don’t know how I’m going to deal with THIS. I’ve always felt very possessive towards the Shins. They are “that band” for me. The band you don’t want anyone else to know about. Your little secret. "Oh, Inverted World" was the soundtrack of my freshman year, a time when I never once heard another living soul mention the name the Shins. So while it was cool beyond words to see Zach Braff riding down the street on the big screen to the sounds of “Caring is Creepy” it was also disconcerting. Because now the secret is out (as if it wasn’t already…). Now they are apparently the band of our generation.
*We like to reference. And pay homage to. And show you that we know about things. And generally be unoriginal.
Zach Braff plays a quiet, lost, short, dark haired, guy who has just returned home after being away for a while. He feels disconnected from the world around him. He is young and unexperienced. (his name is Andrew Largeman. Largeman, get it? What, Andrew Emotionallyunderdevelopedmanchild was taken?) Starting to sound familiar? Here need some help? Simon and Garfunkle underscore the key moment of the main character’s development. Get it now don’t you? Isn’t that clever. It’s like The Graduate only it’s a completely different movie and there’s no older lady. But still wasn’t that clever how they slyly evoke an older classic film with similar themes so that you the audience can sit there and think “hey I get the subtle homage to The Graduate they’ve got going here. Aren’t I smart and knowledgeable! I GET it!” Putting aside completely that The Graduate has maybe the best ending in the history of film and Gardens State’s ending, well, not to give it away, but, not so great, the two films are still worlds apart. But our generation likes to see things that we already know. Recycling is the new originality (See also: thrift stores, nostalgia, etc.). And while Garden State doesn’t pander and make us feel dumb, it tries to make us feel smart for no other reason then it wants us to feel smart, and isn’t that after all just pandering by a different name?
*Our parents are either dead, drug addicts, or played by hobbits.
This was news to me.
So there you have it: our generation as shown by Garden State. And Garden State’s portrayal is a completely accurate one. I know this because the marketing told me so. And I’m inclined to believe that the image they crafted for this film is a truthful one, and I will go with that inclination. Even though there is a small part of me that thinks image is nothing and I should just obey my thirst.
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